Thanks I'm home and angry

by hambeak 43 Replies latest jw friends

  • Scully

    Well, being angry at them only serves to hurt you. Now is the time to use all your energy to look after yourself and help yourself recover and survive your cancer, instead of worrying about them or their shunning. Why would you give up now and, in effect, let them win? Why give them an opportunity to say "My dad left The Truth™ and Turned Gay™ and got cancer and died. That's what happens when you leave The Truth™"? You know that is what they'll say. You know that is what they'll think. This is your chance to show them how wrong they are about you. This is your chance to really live and fight for your life and survive. I know you can do this because you have people in your life who do care about you and who love you and who want you to stick around for a long time.

    Let me also say that anger is a normal part of the emotional response to a life threatening illness. You have every right to feel that way, but try to find a way that channels your anger into fighting your illness instead of harbouring grudges against people who have hurt you. Maybe your anger about your illness is being directed at a very easy and most obvious target: family members who shun you, instead of toward the illness/diagnosis. I hope you'll take some time to reflect on your emotions - even if you have to write them in a journal - because that can be very helpful in unravelling all the mixed up feelings that we experience during times of chaos and emotional upheaval.

    Do remember to take care of yourself, and let other people care for you too.

    Hugs, Scully

  • jgnat

    It's not right that you take out your anger on your own body. It's like you punish yourself, hoping they'll notice.

    My stepmom (recently deceased) had a healthier view of revenge. When she married my dad many years ago, my stupid brother hated her on the spot for splitting his inheritance. My parents remembered. Dad "forgot" to call him when she passed. Those who loved her attended a beautiful funeral that honored her memory.

    I don't know if this is smart or healthy or what, but maybe you and your partner can plan who does and doesn't get to come to your funeral. Surround yourself with good people, when you are in the mood for people.

  • Apostate Kate
    Apostate Kate


    I can actually tell you that I have faced this type of deep despair. I had lost my children's love at one point too. I have to have life saving medical treatments for the rest of my life or I will die.

    There was a time I considered not doing something I needed to do to stay alive and well.

    Please believe me when I tell you that you can not give up or give in to the disease. You can not let your horrible physical and emotional pain dictate to you what you will do. You know why? Because it IS going to get better.

    You have heard it said the best thing we can do after the WT is to do well and succede, this is so true.

    I'm so sorry for your suffering. It hurts so bad. I remember it, but it is just a memory now, as this will be for you too. No matter how sad, how bleak, how dark you feel, never give up. Many beautiful things have happened to me since those dark horrid days and lonely nights.

    The best thing you can do for your children is to survive. THINK LIFE!

    Fight. There are wonderful days ahead.

    Don't give up on your relationship with your children. Do you still belive in God? If so, pray for them. Pray for them to know the true God of compassion, mercy, and the same God who said one must HONOR your parents.

    Be strong, do your chemo, LIVE.

  • hambeak

    Thank you all for your words of encouragement!!

    My daughter (oldest one whose husband is an elder) called and said she still loves me but knows I am doomed because of my lifestyle and should just live alone and do what I need to do she also wants to know where my money and property are as there are no laws in Texas for my partner to get anything in the event of my demise that my children will get it all. GUESS WHAT I WILL SELL IT ALL FIRST AND GIVE IT ALL TO JAKE GOD I'M PISSED I guess I just need to go to bed and try to relax as my phone is ringing off the hook

  • outoftheorg

    Hambeak You have been given very good information and ideas from Scully and all the others.

    Your illness is( one of the cancers that many people survive). If they take the chemo.

    It is your life, so you can do what you want. But I'll be damned if I would let the hateful behavior of my children or any one else determine how long I will live or what treatments I might take.

    Stay away from people that treat you like your children. Go to your friends and the doctors and the people on this forum. These people will have no issues about you and or your beliefs or the partner you choose.

    Be strong and push the bull shit aside. Live your life and consider your partner and what effects this is having on him. No one is going to be happy if you die but many will be happy if you try hard and survive this damned cancer.


    If you do nothing, there will be a storm of sadness and grief when you do die.

    You owe it to your partner and us and most of all yourself, to fight this battle .

    If you are worried about who receives your property etc, if you die, go to an attorney and get a trust or a will that can not be challenged and leave your belongings with your partner.

  • Scully
    she also wants to know where my money and property are as there are no laws in Texas for my partner to get anything in the event of my demise that my children will get it all.

    I would strongly urge you to find a good lawyer to help you draw up a Living Will and a Last Will and Testament that CLEARLY excludes your children from inheriting anything of yours. If necessary, use it as an opportunity to give them their just desserts for shunning you and judging your lifestyle.

    When you're in remission, maybe you and Jake need to visit Canada and get married.

  • earthtone

    Oh hambeak, don't give up now! You've come so far. You have someone who cares about you unconditionally and his family. I can understand the hurt you are feeling. But don't let them win. They (JW's) think you leave the truth and your life goes down hill. But that is not the case! We are living and loving life because we are free of their hypocrisy.

    You have so many years ahead of you to live your life and be happy. Don't let someelses cold-heartedness, mean-spirted nature, and unloving attitude be your deciding factor for how you spend the rest years on this earth.

    I agree with Scully get a living will!

  • hambeak

    Thanks outoftheorg.

    I will fight this as I said and I will do the chemo and I will survive.


  • jgnat

    No matter where you live in the US, that your wishes must be honored in your written will. You could state "alienation of affection" from your children as a reason, and boy, do you have plenty of ammunition for that!

  • jgnat

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