Does it feel good to hurt? Why do we make ourselves sad?

by AlmostAtheist 33 Replies latest jw friends

  • Sunnygal41

    Lady Lee.............78 toxic chemicals???? HOLY CRAP!!!

    It isn't easy as a therapist to know I have to take someone down a road that will dredge up all those painful experiences. But I have sat and cried with them, put a hand on a shoulder, passed the kleenex, and even held them as they sobbed in my arms. If I, as the survivor can't go there, then how on earth can I help someone else to go there.

    This is extremely powerful........and, it brings back memories of times that I would try to be there for my studies who were going through marital problems........since I was experiencing great emotional pain at that time in my own marriage, I would find myself becoming deeply depressed listening to their was like nails on a blackboard for me.........even now, I can feel it's ghost in my psyche..........sometimes I still dream of being married and in those dreams/nightmares really, all the old hopeless, sad, deeply depressed feelings come up, and I've woken myself up with deep wrenching sobs..........I haven't had one in a while though, and I find myself more and more distanced from that past. Thank you for sharing these experiences with us. Terri

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee


    One of the things I would do at the end of the day and especially after working with people who were going through the hard part of the counseling was to take a shower and imagine all the pain washing down the drain so that I wouldn't carry them with me through the night. It worked well for me. I've heard other counselors imagine putting them in a box and locking the lid or just locking the office door and leaving the pain and grief in the office. Other light a candle or burn some incence to cleanse the room.

    We each need to find what works for us.

    One other thing I would do to help me sleep peacefully from my own life and pain was to visualize myself in a safe place and that is where I sleep. My place is by a river and I am sitting in the cradle of a large tree that leans far out over the water. It took me a while to realize why I had to be out over the water. My father couldn't swim so he couldn't get to me where I was.

    It truly is amazing what the mind can do if we use our imaginations to help us heal

  • Sunnygal41
    One other thing I would do to help me sleep peacefully from my own life and pain was to visualize myself in a safe place and that is where I sleep. My place is by a river and I am sitting in the cradle of a large tree that leans far out over the water. It took me a while to realize why I had to be out over the water. My father couldn't swim so he couldn't get to me where I was.

    It truly is amazing what the mind can do if we use our imaginations to help us heal

    Amazing, indeed! Did you see the movie "What the Bleep Do We Know?" Pretty intense, deep stuff I'll tell you. I've read alot about shamanism, a form of energy healing, where the shaman travels into alternate dimensions and heals people.........what you related is very much like putting oneself into another dimension, really. I've also been reading about OBE's and Astral mother has had both experiences, and is extremely psychic........she can tell many things about a person when she meets them.........she reads their emotional energy........of course, I used to think she was a flippin' nut back when I was a dub, but, I've since learned she has a very special gift.

  • Sunnygal41

    This was in my email inbox this morning at work and I want to share it with the group here since this has been quite an active topic:

    Toxic tears: how crying keeps you healthy

    by Charles Downey

    alt Humans are the only animals who shed tears of emotion. Why do we cry? Are there any physical or health benefits from crying?

    Years of tears

    "Until the Industrial Revolution, crying in public was pretty normal, even for men," says Tom Lutz, Ph.D., an associate professor of English at the University of Iowa and author of Crying: The Natural and Cultural History of Tears. "Heroic epics from Greek times through the Middle Ages are soggy with weeping of all sorts," Dr. Lutz says. "Through most of history, tearlessness has not been the standard of manliness."

    For instance, when Roland, the most famous warrior of medieval France died, 20,000 other knights wept so profusely they fainted and fell from their horses. Long before that, the Greek warrior Odysseus cries in almost every chapter of Homer's Iliad while St. Francis of Assisi was said to have been blinded by weeping. Later, in the 16th century, sobbing openly at a play, opera or symphony was considered appropriately sensitive for men and women alike.

    Tearless generations

    The industrial age needed diligent, not emotional, workers. Crying was then delegated to privacy, behind closed doors. Children learned that weeping itself was the problem and not the result of a problem. People everywhere became more uncomfortable with public tears.

    In 1972, public crying was still so unacceptable that candidate Edmund Muskie was driven out of the U.S. presidential race when he shed tears during a speech.

    The purpose of crying

    Throughout history and in every culture, people cry. "Weeping often occurs at precisely those times when we are least able to fully verbalize complex, overwhelming emotions and least able to fully articulate our feelings," Lutz writes.

    Crying can also be an escape; it allows us to turn away from the cause of our anguish, and inward toward our own bodily sensations. Scientists feel that weeping is probably necessary because no human behavior has ever continuously evolved unless it somehow contributed to survival.

    "Science has proven that stress is terrible for the health of your brain, heart and other organs," says William Frey II, Ph.D., biochemist and tear expert of the Ramsey Medical Center in Minneapolis, Minnesota. "It isn't proven yet, but weeping has most likely served humans throughout our evolutionary history by reducing stress."

    Studying the waterworks

    In one oft-quoted study, Frey studied five different groups of people. The people kept records of all emotional and irritant crying episodes for a period of 30 days. Information such as date, time, duration, reason for crying, thoughts, emotions and physical components, such as "lump in throat," watery eyes vs. flowing tears, etc.

    Frey found that 94 percent of the females had an emotional crying episode in the 30-day recording period, as compared with only 55 percent of the males. Eighty-five percent of women and 73 percent of men reported feeling better and more relieved after a good cry. Dr. Frey's lab also chemically examined tears produced by onions and compared them with emotional tears. While chemical tears (caused by onions) were 98 percent water, emotional tears contained more toxins.

    Though there was no difference between men and women in average duration of crying episodes, men and women cry differently. Men cry quietly and their eyes brim neatly with tears. Women, on the other hand, make lots of crying noises as the tears stream down their cheeks. "Our testing revealed that men weep an average of 1.4 times a month while women cry about 5.3 times monthly," says Dr. Frey.

    Why do people produce tears?

    Some people believe that the rapid breathing associated with sobbing would quickly dry out the sensitive mucous membranes if tears did not keep them moist and that mucosal dehydration in the absence of tears could increase the risk of infection. While this may be one of the functions of emotional tearing, the clinical experiences of Dr. Frey and others indicate that sobbing is not a component of all crying and tearing episodes. And humans don't excrete tears while running or engaging in other forms of rigorous exercise where rapid breathing is also increased.

    Tears are secreted through a duct, a process much like urination or exhalation. Frey believes that like these other processes, tearing may be involved in removing waste products or toxic substances from the body. Perhaps that is why so many people report feeling better after crying. Not only is the venting of emotions liberating, but the actual chemical composition which is known to be different from tears produced from cutting onions may be involved in this increased feeling of well-being.

    "Crying is natural, healthy and curative," according to Barry M. Bernfeld, Ph.D., director of the Primal Institute in Los Angeles. "[But] crying which should be the most natural, accepted way of coping with pain, stress, and sorrow is hardly mentioned in psychiatric literature. Now we seem finally to recognize that crying is good for people."

    Are times changing?

    "In just a few short decades, we've gone from the view that crying is just a loss of control and a sign of weakness to a common perception that there might be some value in open emotional crying," says Dr. Frey.

    For instance, a weeping, unashamed New York Yankee Darryl Strawberry fell into the arms of manager Joe Torre on national television. Gwyneth Paltrow was so tearful on national television that she could barely speak when awarded her Oscar for best actress. President Clinton routinely sniffles openly, and presidential candidate Bob Dole choked up while recalling how people in his home state helped him with his war injuries.

    "Today, it might even be a plus for politicians to cry," says Dr. Frey. "People now like the idea that our leaders can be open about their feelings."

    One of the main obstacles to good mental health is that by stifling crying, a person must also hide or shut down valid feelings and emotions. When legitimate emotions are not fully recognized and expressed, insensitive acts from rudeness to school shootings can result.


    "Ask the Expert about Crying"
    Mental Health Infosource

    "As Tears Go By"

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