Hi Worldly Andre! I can relate to your feelings, completely resonate. I felt the same way at one point. Fortunately for me I was DFed 34 years ago. So, I've had plenty of time to get past it. You will too, and I hope it's a much faster process for you. Namaste. MM
Truthfully, I have made so many stupid decisions in my life, many times I wonder if I would have followed bible counsel better, would I have been happy as a JW? I feel sometimes that I have so many weaknesses that the reason I was never really a good witness was my fault. When I finally left the organization after DA'ing in 2003, after I discovered how hypocritical they had been regarding the UN and other issues. I realized that I am not a bad person, just was overreacting to the stifling oppression that I had lived under since I was 5 years old. I did some things I would have never done otherwise because: 1) I feel I never learned how to make decisions on my own because of how controlled my life was. I didn't learn on my own because someone always told me what to do and what not to do. 2) Because of hating the oppression and control as I got older, I would occasionally lose my inhibitions and do stupid,immoral things that I don't think I would have done if I had grown up in a more relaxed atmosphere............... Of course I would be punished for my bad acts and then I would start all over again, acting right, hoping to be in the organizations good favor again. Now I think back on all of this and when I hear my Mom talk about stuff that is put in the WT, the talks, the Assemblies, it makes me pissed off and tired of the bullshit they put out and I allowed myself to put up with......I am still learning to try and make wise decisions on my own, but at least I don't feel like a failure at every meeting, etc.
So you all are tired of the bullshit?
I'll have you know my former Kingdom Hall was free from bullshit. Nope, not even a cow pie! The sisters did a good job keeping the hall clean and tidy, so there never was any bullshit on the floor.
Jayhawk, that is because the sisters hid in in the cabinets in the library!!