Do you come from a family that totally avoids talking about problems ? (page 3)

troubled mind

Juni , the frying pan maybe your best bet . I have thought more than once that my husband is having an affair with our TV . Whenever I would like to discuss something important he turns the sound up on the set ! Now he cringes when I say we need to talk because I always follow with turning the TV off.

damselfly

<<Dams , do you still have the feelings you are all alone ? That struck a cord with me because that is how I have felt my whole life . I'm in this game of life on my own .>>

Yes, I do. Which probably seems very sad and lonely (and it can be at times) but it's good in a way. I've become very independant, and driven to succeed at whatever I put my mind to.

rebel8

my mom kept us from speaking to my non witness dad about anything that might upset him .We also could not openly share our problems of being witnesses at school, like the ridicule we endured for not saying the pledge or celebrating holidays . We had to say we were happy not having birthday parties even if that really was not true .

Me too....Don't tell Dad, unbelieving relatives, or other non-dubs you are anything less than 100% thrilled with your lifestyle...smile a lot even if you're unhappy.....tell them you don't want to go to college....you want to live at Bethel....you don't feel bad you aren't able to have friends or celebrations.....and most of all, don't ever tell them you are actually having dangerous problems with your bleeding disorder due to avoiding medical care....lie if you must.....those were the mantras drummed into my brain as a child.

I left the borg as a teen & my relatives were shocked because I was always towing the party line prior to that. I've since told them I was directed to say those things.....I remember my mother rehearsing with me what nonsense I had to say to my relatives during visits.

I remember studying the Youth book with my mother and it resulted in me getting lots of beatings and punishments.....the bizarre demeaning content made it impossible for me to not make fun of it.....but if I said anything out of line about it while my Dad was home, I was in B-I-G trouble....that is when my mother started claiming the demons were in control of me....because why else would anyone not believe such wonderful advice (gag).

PS--I am now the "black sheep" of my immediate family because I talk about things. I am not all mushy Dr. Phil blah blah....I just feel some things need to be discussed instead of ignored, so I discuss them....and if that means I am hated, then so be it. I am committed to not maintaining toxic and/or dysfunctional relationships in my life any more. Had enough of that. Here is something that may be relevant to some people....It is about the typical family roles present in dysfunctional families...it talks about alcoholism, but I find it's applicable to others too.... http://www.tcd.ie/Student_Counselling/docs/ADULT%20CHILDREN%20OF%20ALCOHOLICS.PDF
You asked how we changed.....for me, it was studying psychology/counseling and practicing it as a professional.....but I don't recommend that....healing oneself is a poor reason to go into a helping profession. I have since moved onto something else, but thankfully it was a very healing experience for me in a lot of ways.

collegegirl21

With my family, it isn't so much talking, its more about my parents telling me what I am doing wrong and what I have done wrong and how I am wasting my life away going to school. But when anyone else wants to voice an opinion on the situation, if it doesn't agree with theirs then you are wrong.

serendipity

Hi troubledmind,

My parents talked about certain problems. The usual solutions to most problems involved beatings, deprivation or more rules. What was a big problem was that I definitely got the idea that the only acceptable feelings were happy and mad. As a teenager, I remember telling my mother I was depressed. Her reply was that I had nothing to be depressed over. But I was bored and I felt hopeless about my future at that time. My parents didn't want to deal with messy emotions.

I'm open about some matters with my daughter, but don't feel she needs to know everything. I think there's only a certain amount that should be dumped on children, because they have enough to worry about (especially teenagers).

free2beme

Not mine, but my spouses it totally void of talking about anything other then meaningless things. You mention anything that is serious and they change the subject or leave the room.

Do you come from a family that totally avoids talking about problems ?