Do you come from a family that totally avoids talking about problems ? (page 2)

Dansk

Troubled Mind,

I honestly believe this thread is going to be a wonderful help to many people here, especially those locked in JW land and wanting to get out! All credit to you for being openly honest!!

I come from an extremely dysfunctional family which had a tremendous bearing on my upbringing, the scars of which may have faded over time but are still there and as deep as any surgeon's scalpel.

I tried - I mean REALLY tried - to never have my own family unit become the same and always encouraged openness. Unfortunately, joining the JWs made my own family dysfunctional - I blame myself for being so gullible in becoming a JW - and this has certainly left at least two of my children with problems (both daughters and they're on medication - one is recovering and out of the org, the other is still in).

It is essential to talk about problems and even this morning my sixteen-year-old son asked me why I had to go to the doctors. I told him it was because of ^&%<>"%^_&$!"+(<)> (you're not family so ). I decided to tell him because he was concerned over my health and was worried it could be serious. The point is, being open about my malady relieved his anxiety and I know that if he ever has a problem he'll confide in me. That is SO important!

My three children free of the org are now really living: one starts university in September, another college and the third is reviewing her options (teacher training is possible). I know one doesn't have to be a JW to have "talking" problems, but it can certainly compound the problem.

Great thread. Well done!

Ian

Bumble Bee

The point is, being open about my malady relieved his anxiety and I know that if he ever has a problem he'll confide in me. That is SO important!

You are right Dansk! You should be able to confide in your parents. Unfortunately that is something I've never been able to do with my mother. I learned that at an early age, and also learned how to hide things. That is not a healthy way to deal with your problems, and it certainly wasn't a healthy relationship with my mother.

Because of her hiding things in our family I'm so angry with her for allowing us to be around a child molester!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She still won't admit openly to us that she knew about him. The closest she came, with out actually admitting it is that she should have listened to us when we told her about him. Maybe another child wouldn't have been molested and he would have been in jail alot sooner!

BB

Dansk

(((((((((((((BB))))))))))) I'm so terribly sorry to learn of what happened to you. As I said, this thread is going to help a LOT of people! Love, Ian

troubled mind

(((Ian))) I love you , you always give me the encouragement I need for the day . I am glad to hear you made such a conscious effort with your own family . I really tried with my sons . I always pointed out to them how openness was so much healthier in the long run .One time when we had the usual teenage problems(sneaking a smoke ) I remember the elders counseling us not to let the other children in the family know of the other ones indiscretion , and a red flag went up for me right then . We don't hide things in our family . We learn from each others mistakes and try not to make the same mistake twice .

plmkrzy

I come from an extremely dysfunctional family which had a tremendous bearing on my upbringing,

Double dittos. Raised by the wtbts handbook for rearing children.

In all fairness I have known a few JW families that were pretty together but I bet if a poll were taken we would probably see more dysfunction in JW families then functional. It would seem that dysfunctional people flock to the sense of order found in belonging to an organized society.

I know one particular sister that is the “ONLY” JW member in her family and somehow maintains a great relationship with her non-believing husband and grown children. Don’t know how she does it but it works for her.

cyberdyne systems 101

I think it was two things - the emotional growing up after coming out of the dubs and having a friend who wouldn't let me go quiet, she made me talk and would sit there and wait for me to do so. I respected her enough to allow that to happen. So maybe you can learn ways of asking questions and drawing your husband out?

CS 101

troubled mind

CS101 ....Believe me I have .We are light years ahead of where he was when we were first married , 27 yrs. later though there are still issues he doesn't want to discuss. I've learned to adapt .

damselfly

Do I ever! For generations and generations back, everyone avoids the nasty stuff because "we are all happy dammit!!"

Most telling event of my young life (and it confirmed to me that I was all alone) was when my father found out the most traumatic thing that had happened to me and the first words out of his mouth were "Don't tell your mother"

juni

Do I ever! For generations and generations back, everyone avoids the nasty stuff because "we are all happy dammit!!"

Most telling event of my young life (and it confirmed to me that I was all alone) was when my father found out the most traumatic thing that had happened to me and the first words out of his mouth were "Don't tell your mother

Boy, can I relate to what you said Dams! A generation who didn't communicate and wanted things status quo because it was easier.

And unfortunately that mind set was passed down to their children - us - and if we don't change that in our lives we're headed down a path of destruction. My husband and I are in our later 50's; he doesn't want to discuss anything emotional or even a "how was your day?" and I'm always trying to gently persuade him. Maybe I'll have to get out my frying pan?!

Juni

troubled mind

Dams , do you still have the feelings you are all alone ? That struck a cord with me because that is how I have felt my whole life . I'm in this game of life on my own .

Do you come from a family that totally avoids talking about problems ?

Share this