Wedding invitation

by riverofdeceit 10 Replies latest jw friends

  • riverofdeceit

    I just received an invitation to my cousins wedding. He is a JW, and used to be a close friend. I am thinking about going to it, but I have a couple of issues.

    1. It is in a Kingdom Hall. Not just a Kingdom hall but the one in the town where I live. I was reinstated maybe 3 or 4 years ago and aside from my mothers funeral, that day (reinstatement day) was the last day I voluntarily went into one of those places. I don't count the funeral service or whatever it was as voluntarily going, such as a wedding or for god forbid, a meeting. I really hate kingdom halls. I eventually moved out of that halls territory.

    2. My cousin did not attend my wedding last year (he was invited). I was obviously not married to a JW, but we did not get married in a church or anything. It was a simple outdoor affair with a JP. The only relatives of mine who attended were my two sisters, a couple of non-JW relatives , and my JW step-dad (he was late and only got there for the reception but I won't hold it against him).

    I missed his twin sister's wedding about a year ago and feel kind of guilty about that but I really hate kingdom halls and wasn't as close to her as I was him anyhow. Plus I was dealing with a lot of different stuff at the time. I'd like to be the better person here, but I'm not sure if I want to deal with all the old "brothers and sisters" I used to know asking personal questions and whatnot. I also definately don't want to deal with JW's from this area stopping by either. I suppose I could just lie about addresses if any snooping folks get carried away.

    I suppose the only naughty thing I do is smoke (aside from the whole being an atheist thing which I suppose JWs would also consider not very good since I'm technically not df'd or da'd). I don't worry about that happening aside from having busybodied fairy worshippers dictate their nonsense to me.

    soooooooo, whatdya think? Should I just say "F- it" and go ahead and show up? If I go and people ask me stuff should I be honest and tell them that I no longer participate in any religious idiocy? Or should I just go and say congratulations and then skip out after it is over?

    any advice from anybody? Any questions? I live in Southbridge, MA by the way. Anyone from around there?

  • Highlander

    My cousin did not attend my wedding last year (he was invited).

    He must not feel that close with you as he 'missed' your wedding.

    Maybe he 'invited' you in hopes of getting a gift. I find that most weddings are designed that way. Invite as many as possible(especially those that won't attend) and hope for

    many nice gifts/cards/money, etc.

  • LovesDubs

    Dont go to the wedding and go to the reception or...go to the wedding right as everyone is already seated and leave before they can start their ignorant questioning of you.

  • Scully

    It sounds like the kind of invitation where the people hope you'll decline but send a gift or money instead. Just out of curiosity, when you got married, and this cousin didn't attend, did he send a gift anyway? If he sent a gift, then it would be polite to send one too. If he didn't, then you have the opportunity to be the "better person" by sending a gift (an elaborate or expensive one is not necessary), even if you don't attend the wedding.

    You might also want to test the reaction you get if you do RSVP and say that you're coming to the wedding and reception. Just for fun, mind you. I find that when push comes to shove like that, JWs will usually "uninvite" you in a very awkward manner. "Hey, cousin... I hate to do this, but we really didn't expect you to come to the wedding... the invitation was, you know, just to be polite... but we have to cut back on the guest list ::laughs nervously:: there was a kind of mix-up with the caterer... and since you don't go to meetings anymore, it would just be better ... you know... people would be uncomfortable with you there and stuff... thanks for the gift though!"

  • riverofdeceit

    Thanks for the replies. I was considering just the gift thing too, but I guess I don't really dislike my cousin so I myself have no good reason for not going. I shouldn't hold being brainwashed against these people, plus I could bring my wife into a hall for something other than a funeral. Showing up right on time sounds like a good idea. They do not fully shun me, though I suspect they would if they knew my true feelings. It's that whole "keeping my mouth shut" so as not to upset people that makes me feel like ... just not me. I guess I'll probably suck it up and make an appearance. After all, I don't want to be guilty of shunning them because I disagree with their thoughts or beliefs. However, if anyone brings anything up, then it is no-holds-barred. I can chill with my non JW relatives anyhow. My wife knows some of them and we can make fun of what I am sure will be crappy Kindom maladies for music.

    Besides, I'm kinda poor right now, so any gifts we give won't be that extravagant anyhow.

  • Sailor Ripley
    Sailor Ripley


    I think you'd get a lot out of sending a gift regardless of price, even better if it's something of yours that's personal that they would enjoy. As you said it's not like you dislike your cousin.

    I know that I felt really good about sending a hand-made gift to my JW cousin that ditched my Catholic wedding. I did the right thing, not the JDub thing.

    It's your cous's special day. They should have a great time; therefore I don't know if I would "no holes barred" them if they bug you. Let it go for the day.

    Wishing you well, regardless what you choose.

  • Purza

    Well, how do you feel? Do you really want to go? Then go. Don't over think it.

    Personally, I would rather not put myself through the agony of dealing with dubs AND family members. But perhaps your family is more normal than mine.


  • sass_my_frass

    Hmmm, tough call, since he skipped your wedding. Still if you want to be the 'better man', it's very easy to show up late, slip in quietly, give him a hug after, and disappear without having a single conversation with anybody. You risk having your cigarette smell detected and getting back on the elder's radar.

    In the elder manual there's something about people who are no longer considered part of the cong, not requiring discipline. It depends entirely upon the elders what they do with that little loophole, but if yours just happen to consider you no longer an active member, and then you pop up again, somebody might get a bee in his bonnet.

    Good enough reason not to put yourself through the trauma?

  • riverofdeceit

    Thanks for your responses.

    I've decided I will be going. I do have non-JW relatives as well who will be there so I can hang with them. I'm not all that concerned with "elders". I wouldn't really consider being confrontational at someones wedding either, and was probably being overly concerned with the issue. People aren't there to see me, they are there to see some friends of theirs get married, and hopefully to have a good time.

  • Purza
    I've decided I will be going.

    I am glad you decided to go. Let us know how it goes.


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