Marriage in a newly divided household

by choosing life 16 Replies latest jw friends

  • anewme

    CL, sorry you are going through this. I went through it in 2001. All I did was to request a little time off from the theocratic routine of 35 years.

    For it I got nightly 3am counseling sessions in bed!!!!!!

    I thought we were best friends! What a sad turn events took.

    He dug in and even added MORE BIBLE STUDY TO OUR ROUTINE! He wanted to see my Watchtower to check if I was prestudying. I had to answer at least twice at the book study or as elder he would call on me when he wanted to.
    He would elbow me in the ribs if I didnt put my hand up at the Watchtower meeting.
    He insisted I accompany him on his Bible studies that could go on for hours.
    We had book study at our home. Bible studies in our home. Saturday F.S. was at our home. Sunday after the meeting I was expected to accompany him in F.S. which could last for a couple of hours.

    Im going to stop there. The story turns ugly after that.

  • Gregor

    Im going to stop there. The story turns ugly after that.

    Jesus Christ! It sounds ugly enough already! I've never understood how it could be rationalized to use coercion to get some one to stay involved in the org. Do they really believe that Jehovah sees everything?

  • sspo


    Very simple when you truly beleive it is god's organization and you will die if you don't beleive, a person will do the most stupid thing and they will do it with a clean consciense since they feel they have god's blessing and the approval of the organ.

    Remember people kill or get killed for their faith

  • jgnat

    Hi, I'm a non-JW married to a Witness. I relate to the "other woman" syndrome. The worst is directly after a meeting, when he comes home crowing about the immenent demise of my beloved world, staring at me like I'm some kind of alien. Since you have children "in" I'm going to take a wild stab and assume that you and your hubby started out as Witnesses together. You've seen the light, but you haven't managed to bring along anyone with you? It happens more often than you might think.

    How did I get into such a mess? Any suggestions?

    No use going over ancient history. It's not like you can go back and change it. All that matters is what is, and what you can do to make it better.

    I've been collecting success stories from this board for the past four years. The spouses who managed to bring their beloved out with them had several features in common.

    • They didn't freak out on their partner, or if they did, they quickly calmed down. It does no good to be labelled one "satan's minions" before you even get a chance to explain your side.
    • They had a plan. They evaluated their partner, their desires and hopes. They came up with a graduated plan to introduce new ideas in to the home.
    • Information was shared obliquely, allowing the partner to pick it up an ponder in private. For instance, a folder on 607 or the changing doctrine on blood might be left out for the partner to find.
    • Their partner was at least marginally ready for new information. Sometimes the exited spouse had NO IDEA their partner was ready, but when they tentatively fielded the idea, "Honey, I just can't keep up the facade any more." it turns out their partner was ready too! Anyways, you can hope.
    • The spouse was ready to commit years, if necessary, to the process. If your marriage was rocky from get-go, you might have to re-think how much effort you want to put in to this. Because it literally CAN take years.
    • Buy Steve Hassan's Combatting Cult Mind Control, keep it in a private location for a while, and read it through. You'll know what to do from there.

    More information here:

    Best of Unbelieving Partners

    Here's a story to give you hope:

    And an on-board success story, Ithinkisee and Freedomlover. Length of time from call to help to success, seven months. Way to go guys!

    Call for help:

    Steve Hassan's BITE Model:

    The first cracks appear:


  • Mysterious

    I think it's important to remember it is not your mate talking but the watchtower talking through her..and therefore to try not to take the arguments personally as difficult as that may be. I grew up in a religiously divided household and I can tell you that provocation rarely leads to anything more than even more virulent arguments.

  • choosing life
    choosing life

    jgnat-Awesome information-hope springs eternal. I will pick up the book for sure. Funny, in my mind I can picture my whole family out of the grip of this cult. I actually think that they cannot deny in their hearts forever the love I have for them and the insanity of these false teachings. But, I forget that mind control is at work here. I need to educate myself more about this. And, yes me and hubby came into this together at a time when we were going through life altering changes.But he was always more attracted than I was. I was the one who always asked questions and was told to just supress them. I ran out of room in my mind and something had to give.

  • jgnat
    I ran out of room in my mind and something had to give.

    I can relate to that, sister. Though the circumstances were different.

    Since you are both converts, there's hope in getting through to the genuine man your husband was before conversion. What were his interests, hobbies before the JW's came along? Reminding him of your shared history, pre-JW, and his delightful quirks of personality, will bring his natural personality to the fore, and make your marriage more bearable.

    Also, when he is his natural self, you can talk to him, briefly about his dedication to the Witnesses. But take care, the WT personality can roll over like a mask if he becomes frightened.

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