Here is my families story

by mama1119 13 Replies latest jw friends

  • mama1119

    Hi, I have been posting for a while now but haven't shared my story, and feel it would be theraputic to do so now. My family is also on the site, although they dont post, just read.

    I grew up a JW. My parents were baptized when I was just a toddler...they were brought in by the only JW members of my Dads side of the family. It was against my Moms wishes to be a JW, but my Dad thought it was the best way to raise kids. My Mom never really wanted to be a witness, but played the part well for 25 years.

    We were pretty much your classic JW family, although, secretly, my Mom encouraged independence in us. Thank goodness for her. Anyway, growing up, I was constantly tormented with guilt. For as long as I can remember I have felt guilt and dread in my head. I could barely function at times and would become paralyzed with guilt and fear. Fear of Jehovah thinking I was "bad", fear of witnesses thinking I was "bad" fear of disfellowshipping. This was all before I was df and I was quite a good girl, no reason for me to feel this kind of guilt, but I did. I still do sometimes for no reason. Must be post traumatic stress or something. Anyway, I simply could not shake the pressure and guilt and wanted to just be normal. Well, I guess I kind of thought, If Im going to feel this guilty I might as well feel guilty for SOMETHING....

    So, I got disfellowshipped when I got pregnant. I did not want to get df at all. I begged and cried and pleaded and appealed. I was assured, before my Judical Meeting that the only people that got DF were people actually asking for it. So I went in thinking I was going to get "help" and back on the right track and so on. Didnt happen. I spent the next two and half years begging and pleading, writing letters, attending EVERY meeting, taking notes, etc. I had to switch halls once to be closer to my Mom and Dad (who refused to shun me) becuase I was a single Mom with a small baby and needed help. I changes halls at the urging of the elders in my new hall. It was a trap. They told me if I switched I would have a better chance at getting reinstated becuase they knew me better and knew my family. So I did. Mistake..or blessing, now that I think about it. Anyway, turns out these elders had it out for my Family. We had become less traditional JW's. My Dad is successful and stopped playing by some of their rules. Well, I turned in about four letters to these elsers and met with them after every letter, and each time was told I was not doing well enough (even though I never missed meetings, studied my books etc), They reminded me each time of what a sinner I was, and each time asked if I was sorry. You can really say sorry only so many times. Well, I was at that hall for about a year and NEVER ONE TIME did I ever recieve and answer yes or no regarding my request to be reinstated. I then wrote aletter to the original commitee that had DF me in Portland, and bot did that tick my elders off. They were all red faced nearly yelling at how I NEVER go aroung them to get an answer yes or no. I come to find out, they NEVER forwarded them to the original commitee. They had no idea I had been trying to get reinstated for 2 years. They thought the last time they saw me was the last time I attended meetings. I supposse I could have then corrected them and got to the bottom of the whole mess, buit in the meantime I had started doing alot of research, reading Crisis, etc. My Mom was doing the same, although we keeping it from, my Dad, as he was still holding on a little.

    Eventually, my Mom started dropping things here and there to him and he started doing his own research. We also hve soem friends that are alos on this site that did alot of research and founf out the truth. We are very lucky becuase we have each other. My brother still struggles with the guilt and is he doing the right thing etc. But we havn'y been to a meeting in over a year and consider ourselves free form the religion.

    My Mom and Dad and there friends have, as of late, been the target of major lies and speculation regarding there stand. My Dad has three Zealous JW working for him. They treat him terribly and have now started up absolute untruths about my Dad. Apparrently, my Ma and Pa and buddies were the talk of the assembly last weekend. I know the elder harrasment is coming for them, and already has for our friends. They are planning on DA if anyone tries to mess with them.

    Oh yeah, and the family we have to thank for bringing us into the borg is not happy. They were suppossed to come to this huge family reunion this weekend, had paid for there spots at the campsite, paid for the official family reunion shirts and then never showed up. The rest of the fam is not JW so they do not understand it was because of us they did not come. I think it made my Dad feel kind of bad, like is he so bad they can't even show uo to shun him??? He is very concerened at this point, of what kind of effect these zealous JW he working for him have on his business. They have been there for years and are important to the bz, but if he is DA or DF they are goign to leave and his 25 year old biz is in deep trouble, but they treat him like crap and spead terrible lies about him, so he is in a quandry...

    As I metioned before, my Brother is in a bad spot with it all. He doesn't go, but feels guilty for not going, but doesn't want to. He still feels like it is wrong to do research and get to these types of sites. He gets very very depressed about it still but won't dpo anything one way or another. I would love to help him but her puts up such a wall when I try to tell him stuff.

    All in all we are pretty lucky for coming out of it, family in tact with some unbelievable friends. I wish I could re-do my childhood, but now I just have to live it all over through my kids:)

    And that is our story in a nutshell.................

  • Hamboozled

    WOW! What a dilema! It is hard enough leaving and having to explain to the elders and then the one's you made friends with why you will not be coming back let alone having several JW's work for you. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this time.

  • serendipity

    HI mama.

    Thanks for sharing your story. Your dad does have a problem on his hands - from a business perspective he has too many eggs in one basket. He should consider bringing in nonJws to take the place of JWs so he won't be hurt if they quit.

  • kgav8r

    That is quite a story. I can't believe they did not forward your letters! It sounds like they really had it out for your family. Reading stories like yours and so many others gives me hope. I had, untill a few weeks ago, thought i was the only one experiencing a bad situation with the WTS. Now i have come to see that all congregations are the same. They are all judgemental. It seems if you make a mistake you are condemned and sentenced before your trial. We are here to help each other. Please keep the posts coming, I look forward to hearing more from you.


  • Lady Liberty
    Lady Liberty

    Dear Mamma,

    I am so proud of you for finally telling your family's story. It is important for others to see that they are not alone, and the injustice that is taking place is taking place all over. Instead of the world wide love, it is worldwide conditional love. And if someone has it out for you, then you are guilty and never given the chance to prove your innocence. Many others are experiencing the same thing. Hang in there we love you very much, and are so very thankful to have each other!!


    Lady Liberty

    PS. Perhaps your dad could hire replacements, and bring them to the JW employees and say I have hired so and so for you to train, they are going to be your assistant. Then, once they are trained, give the JWs the AXE!

  • mama1119

    I agree. Two of them are replaceable..the other one ( the meanest one) has a very specialized job, very hard to replace. He is the one causing the most trouble. And believe me, he has no room to stand and judge anyone. He has nothing to do with any of his daughters or grandkids becuase he was so cruel to them growing up. His wife left him for the same reason. He has had run ins with the law etc...but he still feels good standing in judgement of my Dad who, really, has done nothing wrong except research....

  • Quandry

    Thank you for sharing your story. Your thoughts are important. I hope your family finds peace. At least you seem to be relying on each other to all get through your stressful times.

    My family was treated badly by the elders. My daughter went to them, assured by mom and dad that they wanted to help her, show love to her, put her on the right path, and that the only ones who were disfellowshipped were those who were not repentant or had a pattern of wrongdoing. Boy, was I wrong. She did not even commit fornication, but was called a liar when she would not admit to it.

    That you tried for over two years to be reinstated, that really hurts me to hear. No wonder people just give up. No wonder they feel unloved. No wonder they feel something is wrong and begin to look at these sights.

  • jwfacts

    Thank you for your story, it is very sad, and at the same time very normal for anyone that stops serving the Watchtower Society.

    I am just wondering what you can do to help your brother. Maybe you could ask him the fundamental question, "why are you a
    JW?' He may give all sorts of answers so listen to them. The answer is not doctrine etc. The reason is that simply that he was raised as one. Then say that many parents become 7 Day Adventists. If he was raised a SDA what religion would he think was the only true religion? That will lead in to you being able to show him Liftons research on how high control religions convince their followers that only they are the truth.

    Once he accepts that then you can ask the next important question, what proves the WTS was picked by God as his organization in 1919. Ask if he has looked at the Studies in the Scriptures to find out what they were teaching in 1919, and if it is similar to today. That may open you up to showing him the info at

    I hope that helps as it is terrible to be lost in a world of guilt, I know, I was my entire JW life

  • tijkmo

    "Let Justice Roll Forth"—A Key to Knowing God

    22 When someone sins seriously, the spiritual shep­ herds in the congregation act to protect it from any dangerous, corrupting influence. (Acts 20:28-30; Titus 3: 10,11) If, though, the erring one is genuinely repentant, the elders want to "readjust such a man in a spirit of mildness." (Galatians 6:1) Rather than show harsh cold­ ness, they apply the direction: "With true justice do your judging; and carry on with one another loving-kindness and mercies." (Zechariah 7:9) Jehovah's regulations about handling legal cases in ancient Israel highlight his justice and mercy. Appointed judges had some latitude in many of their decisions; they could show mercy, depend­ ing on the circumstances and the wrongdoer's attitude. Accordingly, Christian overseers must strive to judge with true justice and to display loving-kindness and mercies thus manifesting that they have come to know Jehovah.


    same thing happened to me...even i though i eventually was reinstated i was so thoroughly exhausted i never recovered...not that they care..ironically i was only ever not sorry at the meeting i was reinstated..if i still believed it then i would think that jehovah will demand an answer from them..but i dont care anymore whether he will or not..although i would like to get the oppurtunity to make them aware of that.

  • Black Sheep
    Black Sheep

    Thanks for telling us your story Mama.

    One day I might get around to telling mine, but it would be difficult to do without blowing my cover.

    "I wish I could re-do my childhood" is something that many of us born ins wish for. A childhood without guilt and fear would have been so wonderful.

    Thanks again


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