Since I consider most of you family, I guess I need to unload. My dad died. I found out by looking under the obituaries online.
A little history...A couple of years ago I did some things I'm not proud of in the height of my addiction. I haven't spoken to him, or that side of the family since. He returned letters a while back I tried to apologize. My sister, a true cunt, made sure she made me look worse than it was. I owned up to my part. But she flat out lied and manipulated. I know I won't me included in the obit. I'm not welcome at the funeral. But it's in texas. I don't have the means to go there, or even send flowers.
I know this day was coming. I thought I could blow it off. I've been tough all day. I'm the master at the "I don't give a shit" attitude. I'm pissed because he thought more of material things, and couldn't forgive me. I'd rather slit my wrists than carry this guilt. I guess I'm going to have to work harder at getting those walls back up.
Sorry, I'm rambling. I'm not sure what's going on with me. It just scares me. And it is my fault. I put myself in this position. I havn't drank in a LONG time, but I'm falling off the wagon tonight. Can't deal with it any other way. Oh, what really got me is my mom says, "he'll be resurected, he didn't do that many bad things." I wanted to choke the bitch. My dad HATES JWs!
love you guys