My dad died....

by crazyblondeb 46 Replies latest jw friends

  • crazyblondeb

    Since I consider most of you family, I guess I need to unload. My dad died. I found out by looking under the obituaries online.

    A little history...A couple of years ago I did some things I'm not proud of in the height of my addiction. I haven't spoken to him, or that side of the family since. He returned letters a while back I tried to apologize. My sister, a true cunt, made sure she made me look worse than it was. I owned up to my part. But she flat out lied and manipulated. I know I won't me included in the obit. I'm not welcome at the funeral. But it's in texas. I don't have the means to go there, or even send flowers.

    I know this day was coming. I thought I could blow it off. I've been tough all day. I'm the master at the "I don't give a shit" attitude. I'm pissed because he thought more of material things, and couldn't forgive me. I'd rather slit my wrists than carry this guilt. I guess I'm going to have to work harder at getting those walls back up.

    Sorry, I'm rambling. I'm not sure what's going on with me. It just scares me. And it is my fault. I put myself in this position. I havn't drank in a LONG time, but I'm falling off the wagon tonight. Can't deal with it any other way. Oh, what really got me is my mom says, "he'll be resurected, he didn't do that many bad things." I wanted to choke the bitch. My dad HATES JWs!

    love you guys


  • damselfly


    What an awful way to find out something like that. Can you take comfort in the fact that you attempted to make amends with him?
    Do you have anybody that you can call and talk to about this?
    I'm so, so sorry that you are hurting like this tonight.

  • TresHappy

    What a horrible way to find out about your father's death. I am so sorry.

  • freedomlover


    I am so sorry.

    just freak out if you need to. we're here to listen to any and all of it.

    I'm so sorry your dad couldn't have softened himself enough to open his heart up to you. I can understand somewhat because I have a mother that is like this. I'm just so sorry sweety. hugs and love to you tonight.


  • nowisee

    i am so very sorry.

    please try to pull yourself together.

    for you.

  • serendipity

    ((( shelley ))) I'm sorry to hear of your loss. It's hard when there's still unfinished business. We're here for you.

  • candidlynuts

    my sympathy shelley. hugs

  • plmkrzy

    (((((shelley))))) I am sooo sorry.


  • Quandry

    Very sorry to hear that your dad died. Mine died one year ago. He was not a JW and did not live to know that my family is no longer in. He was military through and through and it caused many hard problems. We cannot change the past. I am determined to live my life in a way that shows love for people and so I can help ease their problems after much sadness in my life.

    Please do not now be destuctive to yourself. You are worth too much to do that. Please know that others care for you. I know that your dad died loving you because he was your dad. You know you loved him. He knew that you wrote letters to him. You know hurt-now maybe you too can be a comfort to others. Take care.

  • collegegirl21

    ((((Shelley))))) I am so sorry to hear that. My heart is with you. CG21

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