As I am struggling with maintaining my own sanity and very fundaments of existence after recently swiftly cutting all ties with with whatever I held to be dear, sacred and true, for what will have been most of my life...;
after learning about some disturbing developments in someone else's life, I reconnected with somebody from my past through the amazing internet again, telling I had left for ever and for good. This is a former elder, somebody I considered to be very successful in life... despite the bOrg.
This was his reply:
"I too am learning the pangs of loneliness. Being disfellowshipped was a very dramatic event whilst I sat there emotionless. To have it said that 'XXXX XXXXXX is no longer a Jehovah's Witness actually tore deep in my stomach and I think I am still trying to understand my reaction. I do know that for all it's faults (people) that it is the truth, it's the place where I learned about Jehovah, where I learned about the purpose in life and also where I learned the hope for a future where I can see Dad again. I hopefully will be strong enough to deal with myself and get back at some time but right now I am having a break. Honestly, on my first morning in my apartment an elder from the local congregation called on me in the service and then having coffee in a cafe yesterday and four sisters offer me a tract - it's like I need to wear a banner that says 'I am disfellowshipped - leave me alone!'. To be honest I am very lonely and alone, but have been for many years. I do think I have mental issues and am seeing a shrink to see if I can get help.
XXXX is as lovely as ever. We are still very close friends whilst we are both at heartbreak point. Our little boy is dealing with the whole scene pretty well so far.
I was very saddened to hear that you had chosen to leave the truth, I always remember a CO telling us that he was in the truth despite the brothers and sisters. I hope that you have found a better way of life that works for you, you need to be happy.
Please keep in touch."
I am not sure if I will be able to react to any of your replies. It just hurts too much... I too loved his dad, more so, since leaving dubdom - I still share his hope, despite the fact that faith seems to be slipping through my fingers fast. The bOrg consists of so many special people. How much from my very gut I hope his hope to still have some validity. What can I do or say? Why destroy someones hope when losing just that is what is destroying me right now...?
VG
This just tears too deep into my gut...
by Van Gogh 21 Replies latest jw friends
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Van Gogh
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anewme
VG I would assure your friend of your love and concern for him. That you are deeply grieved over this turn of events for him. You know how hard it is to go through that process. And disfellowship plus divorce is a double challenge. Tell him you are glad he is seeing a professional to help him at this time. And glad too that he and his ex can still talk and be friends for the sake of their little one.
As far as returning to the org. you cannot comment on that. If that is what he wants to do after giving it some thought and getting some rest, well, that is his decision.
As far as the resurrection hope and seeing his father again, many people maintain that hope who are not Witnesses or Christians for that matter.
Tell him to look out into the night sky and see if he can see the end of the universe. God is like that, vast. How can anyone say they know all there is about God and his mercy? About life and death and the resurrection? About the future?
Tell him to calm down and give himself a needed rest and time to think and meditate.
Tell him you have been successful in making the transition out of the org.
That you have found friends and support and have found a new perspective on life.
But most importantly tell him you are there for him and you are his friend. -
Spectrum
VG,
At some point, we who leave the Org, come to realise that the belief sold to us that we are not going to die but live in peace on earth forever is fake. I found that it was a painful realisation, hard to come to terms with the idea that I too would die like my neighbour and so on. Eventually though you accept it and start living, that's the only option and I take comfort in that. I went from being depressed by the realisation that I will die to oh well now I've got to live life to the full and enjoy what I have now.
Don't tell your friend anything for now. If he is out long enough and doesn't get sucked back in he will figure it out for himself. He'll have to figure it out though otherwise living outside the Org still believing in their false dogmas and predictions is very unhealthy, take it from me. Just be a friend to him now. -
juni
Very beautifully put anewme.
I wish you the best vanGogh.
Juni
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MegaDude
Why destroy someones hope when losing just that is what is destroying me right now...?
The really sad thing is believing that the only hope in this existence comes from believing dishonest liars and poor writers at a publishing company in New York.
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Warlock
VG
You have a p.m.
Warlock
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BrendaCloutier
(((( VG )))) All I can do is send you, and your friend a hug right now. anewme said it best.
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jgnat
Oh, don't give up on hope. Remember, there's people like me, valiantly fighting for right and love and truth. Surely God did not make a mistake when He made people like me. Or you.
This will sound trite, but it's the best I've got. When my JW hubby lost his mama, I told him, "I am sure she is secure in Jehovah's memory, because Jehovah is no fool. He saw her whole life and how she loved and gave to everybody."
Van Gogh, in you I see that same spark to fight for the light, that same fine sensibility to separate the ether. I need people like you around to remind me that there is still art in the world.
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LovesDubs
This is a hard time in all of our lives...and its harder the longer you were in the Borg. Its like finding out that the person you thought was your father for 40 years of your life...isnt, at least biologically, but that doesnt negate the relationship you had with that person for 40 years. So you have to think past the pain for a moment. Was it a WHO or a WHAT that you put faith in that makes you a Christian? Is it a WHO or a WHAT that validates you as a human being and a believer and holds out the promise of eternal life? If you arent answering those questions by saying it was Christ I put my faith in and instead you are saying that it was the Watch Tower Society and being a member thereof which holds my salvation...then you have allowed them to lead you and your spirituality into the darkness. I dont purport to be a Christian myself but if that is your love and your faith, then you need to make sure it hasnt been misplaced.
The SOCIETY cannot save you. They cannot make it possible for you to see your dead loved ones...THEY are powerless greedy controlling men, and they dont care for one nanosecond about you, your feelings, your lonliness or your relationship with God. You are expendable to them. Not so in Gods eyes my friend. You are precious to Him and your loneliness and your heart ache do not go unnoticed. But returning to the Borg, returning to what amounts to bowing down to men, in order to assuage your guilt for having left the Borg, then you must ask yourself what you are really trying to do. Are you trying to get back into the graces of MEN or trying to please and serve the God you love? The two things are NOT CONNECTED.
Just because you have done something your whole life doesnt make it right. Just because someone has contained and controlled you and molded your every move doesnt make them worthy of the position they GAVE to themselves...the position by your acquiesence you have GIVEN to them. Being in the Borg for a long time is like a comfortable old pair of shoes that we can easily slip into and the comfort returns. Its the simple way out, and in the process we sell out ourselves. We sell out what Christ came to do in the first place which was to FREE us from the torment of our oppressors and our sin. The Society are the Pharisees all over again with their control, their burdensome laws, their torment of us and our families into obeisance to THEM.
Your friend doesnt see anything outside the box that was his life in the Borg. He is also afraid to open his eyes to look. He seeks to run back into the confines because its lonely outside...but who was it that kept him lonely and alone INSIDE? The very ones he is running back to.
One day, one step, one moment at a time VG.
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jgnat
Amen to what LovesDubs said.