Why Do Inactive Ones Sometimes Go Back To The Organization?

by minimus 61 Replies latest jw friends

  • Ingenuous

    I've got another vote right here for "fear."

    Especially for someone like me - who was raised "in" - it is overwhelmingly frightening to have to think for yourself. I had no practice doing any such thing, no experience being solely responsible for the consequences and implications of my decisions (especially when it came to religious beliefs - someone in New York understood it all, so I didn't have to). Since I thought my identity as a JW was the most reasonable and noble thing about me, I had no confidence in my intelligence and perception of reality once I left. I've dealt with strong inclinations to return because being a fully-functioning adult is hard. When you've had no preparation and are late doing the work of self-actualization that you should have done decades ago as a teenager, any appearance of stability and safety is tempting. As dysfunctional as my life was as a JW, it was familiar, contained, predictable and programmed. It was what I'd known all my life.

    It's a challenge to stand up to the feeling that you aren't safe when part of the reason for leaving the Org is because it is so unsafe psychologically, spiritually, and emotionally. To step out and find that there's no warm, cushy comfort zone to rub up against anymore can create feelings close to hopelessness. There's confusion about what to put in the place of the Org when you have a raw, gaping hole in your soul. Honestly, at one point I was looking for another high-control group/cult to join because being self-sufficient was as painful as going without food and water.

    Those who leave have to literally burn new pathways into their brains. In the meantime, we have to override those automatic behaviors that make up bad habits - or wait for them to fade.

    I found support before I left - online, in person, and via mental health professionals. I continue to look for support, continually challenge my thinking, and try to be patient as I learn mature social skills. I've also learned that if I wait out the yearning to go back, it eventually goes away. And those feelings don't come as often or as intensely as they once did. Even if I went back full-force, things would never be as they were. I'm much happier about the potential for my life now that I'm "out", whereas my life among the JWs promised nothing but more F.O.G. (fear, obligation, and guilt - "Emotional Blackmail").

    As Robert Fulghum once said, "The examined life is no picnic."

  • schne_belly

    I think some may leave the religion because of "hurt feelings" or a disagreement they may have with someone.

    I know at first I thought it was localized problem. That with time the issues would go away or God would step in. I had the misconception that by moving and going to another hall it would get better......

    You have to open your eyes and notice it's on a grander scale and this religion is just all around corrupt.

  • Warlock

    I know, lil.

    I was referring to those that assume, or are appointed to, positions of power. They become corrupt, as those Israelite kings did.

    Even today, in any religious organization, those at the top, or the "rulemakers", given enough time, will more than likely become "drunk with power".

    Even though Christianity should be based on what you say, that is not always the case.

    Many today do belong to some type of religious organization with a certain hierarchy.

    I am not disputing the Bibles view, and my post was just something that has gone thru my mind, more than once.


  • sspo

    Most of the inactive ones have no knodledge as we do such as 607, 1914,blood,df.s and so on, so most of the time it is discouragemt and given a push they go back to their friends. Let's not forget if they do not have the truth about the "truth" it gives them a nice social club and a purpose in life.

  • riverofdeceit
    He believed that once you know the "truth' you can never join another religion.

    That is true actually. Well, it is true for me, not for everyone here. as in - I woke up to having been trained in a fairy tale with magic and goblins and demons and angels (ie- bible based religions).

    I think some people go back because of the familiarity. You know the people, you know what is expected of you. People who don't even believe it anymore sometimes still go back because of this. They don't have the courage to step out into something new and leave behind that "familiarity". It is a haven. Like people who have been imprisoned for so long that when they get out of jail they don't know what to do anymore so they get in trouble just so they can go back to prison where they knew where they stood.

  • buffalosrfree

    Maybe some of them go back because they hate themselves and wish to do harm to themselves. i will never go back, the recent treatment my wife and I received from the so called friends (conditional friends that is) has really opened up my wife's eyes a bit. She is really thinking about all that has happened and she is very disgusted with the couple who were supposed to have been our friends for the last 18 years she just doesn't want to have anything to do with them. When child asked if they are going to book study she told her no we aren't why should we go there and be with them?

    So maybe something good is going to come out of this.

  • Anitar

    How can the watchtower pass off the idea of DFing and shunning as a "loving provision?" Of course that is a rhetorical question. To an educatated person, it is thinly disguised scare tactics, like when a child abuser threatens to kill his victim or the family if they tell anyone.


  • lovelylil

    You are so right warlock. And it is hard once you have been enslaved to an organization to break free and become a free thinker. But it is so important for your growth as a person, wouldn't you agree? Anyway, thanks for bringing out those good points, Lilly

  • tough time
    tough time

    I've been out for four years now. I would NEVER consider going back. When I first left, I had moments of "OH MY GOD DID I JUST LEAVE THE ONLY TRUE RELIGION?" It took time (and study) to break free.

    I remember going to visit the site of Beth Sarim (in San Diego). To me this was a huge symbol of the falsehood of the Watchtower org. I had to actually put my hands on the building and realize that I and my family (they are all still JWs), were totally misled. Then I read everything I could dealing with JWs.

    I feel for those that have families that they just can't let leave them (that's what it really is - we don't leave them, they leave us). It's tough staying "faithful" when you think it IS the truth - I can only how much harder it must be when you know it's NOT.


  • M.J.

    Boy, this sounds like it could be called a JW Rumspringa

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