by choosing life 31 Replies latest jw friends
Now I just don't feel like I fit in anywhere. Any suggesstions on how to make the adjustment?
yep.
Come on over we'll have a beer together. Oh hell more than just one.
I betcha there are more game for that.
Andy of the I'll (hickup) drink you under the table anytime you you dumb asstower class.
I recently attended a funeral and the witnesses mostly avoided me even though I am not disfellowshipped. My problem is I need to replace my old friends because they look at me with such suspicion now.
It happens to all of us eventually...
I was shunned just yesterday by on old JW friend. I ran into a table of dubs during lunch at a restaurant. I was dressed in shorts, sandals and a tank top t-shirt, longer (than JW sanctioned) hair uncombed, unshaven for several days. I admit, I looked pretty rough, but Sunday is my day to just let it go and relax. There they sat, all scrubbed and clean, suit and ties, dresses.
I wasn't totally shunned by everyone of them. A couple of them spoke to me and we chatted for a minute, but the guy that I knew the best, who I had been friends with for years, never looked up from his plate, never looked at me. It was obvious he wanted nothing to do with me.
The cool thing was that this was a restaurant where a lot of my neighbors eat at and over the time that I've been fading, I've got to know many of them and several other people who frequent the same place. As I stood there chatting for those brief moments, several neighbors and new acquaintances stopped to say hello to me, all much more cheerful than the dubs, even the manager stopped by to say hello.
If felt good to have so many new friends and acquaintances be nice and friendly showing that I'm not miserable and friendless. Even if the "brother" who shunned me didn't get it, I got it.
It takes time, time to meet new people, time to get past the old stuff. But it will happen. I never went to this particular restaurant to make friends. I just like eating there. Now I know all sorts of new people from different walks of life and have become friends with some of them. Just be patient and don't force anything and pretty soon, you'll be too busy to worry about people who won't speak to you anymore.
Troubled Mind and Choosing Life - I've always found it hard making new friends as well, and left all mine behind when i became a witness. I have just started seeing an old workfriend regularly now, we both have young uns, and i have recently been to parties for my son, which i was dreading but everyone was so nice.Sometimes i think pushing ourselves to take the iniative is a good idea, however scary ( never thought i'd say that!). I recently invited a new neighbour in for tea (something i'd never do usually cos i never think i'm good enough), she stayed for 3 hours! I am also thinking of going down the voluntary route when my youngest is at nursery, not only is it helping others but you get to meet all sorts of people and having a common interest is a good start to making friendships, plus any friendships you do make out of jws are going to be better than the conditional ones yoiu get at the meetings.Sorry if i'm waffling just that i know how you feel and wish i could help you
I agree with some of the others that it is hard for many of us in the social sphere. I have always been the artsy misfit among my peers growing up, and while the guys were talking about football I was thinking about my next art project or writing poetry. I am practically out of the "truth" and will make a Sunday meeting on occasion (mostly to please my devout JW mother). I understand where you are coming from! It is so hard making that transition from a rigid lifestyle. At one time, the WTS dictated every move I should make, regulating my behaviour and making my life living hell with another "back school" interogation room counseling session. Currently I am dating a "worldy" woman (yeah, the fire and sulfer will be raining down on me) and I honestly just don't know how to act in certain situations. As already stated, the WTS has placed so many disparaging labels on non-JW's, assuming that ALL "worldly" people are BAD, materialistic, etc. I think the key is really appreciating people for who they are, and choosing your friends based on a mutual respect for each others interests and beliefs. My girlfriend will tells me that I seem a lot different from other guys she has dated. It is as if I just don't have those social "smarts". Years being assimilated by the Watchtower Collective has made it difficult, but trust me, it gets better.
alienagent
I suggest finding something that you would enjoy and be fulfilled by and volunteer with others who have the same interest. That is how I made new friends. It was a breath of fresh air to have friends who were not looking for me to fail, but were there to be supportive and show gratitude for the work I was performing with them.. We encouraged each other. And we had a lot of laughs and good times together.
Juni
A smile and a hello is a good way to get going! :)
After reading several responses, I have to say I am speechless. I have never been a JW. I always took for granted my free will, that I had a choice who I could talk to, what I could wear, what I could say and what I could think.
Now, I'm nobody special. I was never popular in school, my life is pretty boring. But at least I always made my own choices, my own friends, and don't really worry about peer pressure. My mom steaks her life on the "fact" that disfellowshipping, shunning, and disassociation is a biblical principal started by Jesus himself. Exactly WHERE in the bible she gets this she can never say. A true christain congregation doesn't spy on eachother and judge based on the rules of men they will never meet. To me, it is thinly disguised gossip. It also borders on prejudie. As a student of history, I know that segregation was outlawed 52 years ago. The JW mentality is hardly different than the racists who arrested Rosa Parks over a lousy bus seat. Of course, this is just conjecture.
I have the greatest respect for all of you, it's hard to live for the first time in the real world as an adult. But keep trying, because believe me, the world needs more people like you guys in it!
Anitar
I have very few real friends. My brother is my best friend and another guy I grew up with, who I don't see very often. I have a friend who I bowl with, a female, who went to school with me years ago. She recently lost her husband to a heart attack and is remarried now. We enjoy our bowling together and today when she left she gave me a hug and said she loves me, not romantic love but friendly love. I really liked her first husband and we were friends and her new husband seems to be a good guy also. I enjoy the people I know at the senior bowling league, I look forward to my Monday bowling.
Ken P.
Those of us who post here
need to see one another once in a while.
JW I know exactly how you feel, my husband doesnt go anymore to the meetings but still believes and I dont anymore and he knows it. I found that if you work its a great place to start making friends where before you felt you couldnt because they were worldly. Go out and join some kind of group be it a reading club or craft club, go back and take some classes and meet the ones there. The thing is to get out and join into something so that you dont stay at home and become lonely.
