I was severely depressed. I tried to commit suicide twice while in...and once my father got dfed, my mom DAed, and they divorced and my little insular world fell apart, I decided to take a more nefarious route. I had no control in my life...I never did while in, yanno? Well, i started college and floundered around terribly which hurt me even more (i was a straight A student in high school.) I became aneorexic. It was a control issue for me...it was the only thing I could control. I lost 60lbs, developed heart problems and my hair started falling out. I wouldn't go 'get help' cause I thought that feeling this way was normal. I thought everyone had such a hard time living. I turned to alcohol, and at one point the only thing I did was drink...every night. At the bar, drink till I was stumbling drunk. Go home and crash, get up wash rinse repeat.
Life was a mess, and it took me six years and not being able to qualify for a house (and subsequently trying to throw myself into traffic) to get me to get the help I needed. It's been a year and half now since I've started with therapy and medication. It's been a year since I've gotten on this board and others to discuss with like-minded and similar experience-minded people. It's helped. But what a mind job.
I'm a go-to, leader, induvidual kind of thinker. I read everything, and love learning, and hate being told what to do. It was ki//ing me to be a witness. They talk about leading a double-life...well I was leading a double-life with my very soul. I repressed everything in order to be considered the perfect JW young lady...and I did an excellent job.
They say depression ultimately is misplaced anger. I'd say a lot of us here have had a lot to be angry about in our lives pertaining to having to live life as a witness.
