by minimus 61 Replies latest jw friends
Not having the freedom to be myself is what depressed me at times. I experienced a great feeling of liberation when finally coming to the conclusion that that machine couldn't possibly be God's organization.
There were various other reasons for depression: failed missionaries, single sisters, etc. And there were tragic cases, like that mother who committed suicide after the death of her son who had refused blood.
I was terribly depressed from a very young age. I had an eating disorder starting about age 8 and by the time I was about 14 I just wanted to die.
I had several suicide attempts, was hospitalized for the eating disorder and no one could help me. As soon as I was disfellowshipped everything turned around.
Can't say the drinking and drugs were the best trade off for an eating disorder and suicide, but at least I'm still alive.
When I got reinstated, life just went from good to almost very very bad again. After DAing life went pretty good again. ( I did get counceling). I do believe that being a witness would in the end kill me. Perhaps its just an allergy!!
Moanzy
I went through a spell of depression but not to the point of needing medication, considering the heavy load one has to carry eg sexual repression while being in an unloving environment, it is not surprising that intense psychological pressures are created which put the inner world out of balance.
I soon became inactive and basically left.
Yes, absolutely. Hardly ever conversed with anyone at school, and when I got home, constantly felt guilty for not doing enough for "Jehovah". (field service, personal study, prayer, etc) Also I mainly felt guilty about having doubts about the organization.
Let me state that I am happy now - VERY happy, despite the trials that are common to most.
As a JW I was thorougly miserable. I drank a lot. I dreaded weekends (now I love them), I was mentally disturbed, put on a brave face, lived the JW lie, deeply depressed, drank more, etc, etc.
It was all a part of knowing that it was all a lot of BS. My hands were tied at the time. Now they are not and I feel free. Not so that I can do lots of bad stuff. But because I am mentally free from anguish, depressing outlook etc.
Happy J
First post of any kind any where. A little nervous. Raised as a JW, going through school was very stressful. Was shy early on so I did not like the attention that being a JW kid drew. As a teenager I intergrated better with other in school, but not being able to participate in organized sports or other after school activities and knowing I would not be able to go to college cause new stress, anxiety, depression. So like most JW's in there late teens I got married early. For the most part it was ok until I started serving as a MS and later as an elder. The more sadness, frustration, depression and seemingly unsolvable problems that I saw of others the more it bothered me, leading to bouts of depression. I was especially disturb and made a lot of enemies with other elders when I saw how little they reallu cared about others and would point it out to them. Obviously this added to bouts of depression. I gave to much, though I tried to be balanced. I am out now, though I've lost my family (ex-wife and two awesome sons) who are still faithful to the WTS. I have bouts of sadness but nothing like before. Very happy overall and a real hope that my boys may see the light one day now that their father has shown the way. Feeling a real love from my Heavenly Father and having comfort knowing the Holy Spirit resides within has changed my whole out look on life and I could never allow a thing like the WTS to bring me down to the sort of depression, anxiety and stress I felt almost on a daily basis while in the WTS. ( from age 2 until 43 years of age) Hope I didn't rambleto much for the first time and that I made some sense to you all.
Welcome to Silversurfer *waves*
No ramble, it was good ;-)
Dams
psychologists, group therapy, AA... et al.
sigh.
i was depressed because nothing made sense to me. i had tried reading the bible in its entirety repeatedly, but could not get passed the incoherence and contradictory nature of Genesis alone.
i was a closet evolutionist and had to somehow make it work in my mind that this jehovah character was the mastermind behind evolution (just that no one in the org. had reached this reasoning yet).
trying to reconcile these two theories is like attempting to combine oil and water - they won't mix. my mind hurt. so i drank and smoked pot, alleviating a lot of the headaches. and Beatrice, my psychologist was also extremely helpful.
feeling pretty good now.
cal.
Oh yes, JWs are the most depressed people I know, but they always say the exact opposite. The problem is, they operate as a single collective consciousness, they have no unconditional love amongst eachother. Now, honestly, that can be said of any religion, but consider this.
Lets say Sister No Name's car broke down, which happened to my mom, the congregation will start a collection to get it fixed, or towed. Sounds nice, right? Well, they only do this AFTER you stop coming to the meetings, and they fix your car whether you want it or not. So they literally push their way to "fix" the weakest link in the cong. This is particularly effective after the elders push everyone to pick up the slack of Sister No Name.
So they do this, and they say to the world 'look at how much we love eachother' but as many of you know, it's all an illusion. To the outside world, they are rude, opressive, and creppy.
Anitar
My years spent pioneering and at Bethel were the most depressing for me. Except for right after I left Bethel when everyone thought I had done something wrong. Every depressing time I have ever had was in relation to, or plainly instigated by some facet of the Organization.
