While you were a Witness, is there anything in particular that you'll never forget happening?
Looking Back, Is The Anything In That You'll Never Forget While A JW???
I'll never forget feeling sick to my stomach and bored out of my head while doing the field misery!
I'll never forget sitting at elders' meeting and wondering what the hell I was doing there.
I will always have panic attacks when I see paisley ties and tassels on shoes.
- Two elder's sons at the back, handling the music (on vinyl!), and one showing the other how he could make his penis jump up and down under his slacks.
- Being physically threatened by a MS when some of the other kids were shown his porn collection by his own son. I was the only kid who wasn't the son of an elder or MS at the time, so naturally he thought I was fair game.
- An elder's daughter accusing my little sister of masturbating on her bed to cover over the stain her mother had found. The stain was actually from when the elder's daughter had sex with some guy. But my sister was thenceforth marked.
- How elders I'd known my entire life treated me like utter shyte at the time I needed counsel and support the most.
- How none of the other brothers and sisters, most of whom I'd known most or all of my life, bothered to show me one ounce of compassion or love when I needed it the most.
You never really forget anything...it just recedes in your memory and is harder to retrieve...but it is always there, unless you had a stroke or something else destroyed that part of your brain.
There are 2 many things, but quite frequently think about 2 main things:
1. The Willie Carlson murder of his parents. I went to highschool with him, always used to tell on me (I lead a teenage double life). One Tuesday night meeting, he started talking to me, he looked very strange, his face was all broken out. We had the book study at our house on Thursday, Willies dad was the conductor. Willie and his parents did not show up on Thursday. By the following Sunday, his dad did not show up for a public talk. Willie had murdered his parents, my dad found the bodies. People slept at our house for 2 weeks. My parents had to testify. At the funeral, this woman came up to me and said "Now, don't you go doing something like that". This woman, at the beginning of April this year, killed her daughter, stabbed her three times. They were still wittnesses in Elgin, Ilinois. She snapped. I have talked about these two things before on this site.
2. When I was 17, this 32 year old (my dad's good friend) wanted to put me into an apartment when I turned 18 and then we would make plans to marry. We never did anything. When he approached my parents about it, the very same day, my parents put a 4 sale sign outside the house, and within a month, we moved 60 miles north. They gave me no emotional support, it was a scandal in the congregation. There was a goodbye party thrown for us, there was music and dancing, it was filmed. On film, there is a clip of my dad yelling at me in front of everyone for the way I was dancing, (eventually when my mom left the org, she threw that video away, it hurt her too much). I was so depressed at that time. Looking back, I am glad I did not marry that older man, but I just wanted some support from my parents, they treated me like I had been sneaking off this man, yet from the beginning, I was completely honest, and never did anything that was against the JW standard of living, terrible time.
All of the above, and I remember the panic as a child before meeting time. Knowing that my dear old man (po by the way), would whip us bloodied in the kh lobby with a coat hanger. or make my brothers and I stand with our feet away from the wall, and our noses on the wall, hands behind the back, as the meeting ended and the kh emptied, for all to see just how "bad" we were, if we didn't follow the program.... Answer the required number of questions, sit straight, no fidgeting, no bathroom breaks, etc etc etc...
Hated it!!!!!! Hate him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
When I look back at the poor kids that HAD to sit properly for 2 hours or they'd get it and/or their parents would be told by the elders how bad they were as Christian parents.....it's shameful. Some poor kids and parents just couldn't help it if they were ADHD or suffered from some other malady. But if those kids weren't perfect, they were in a world of trouble.
I agree with blondie, you can't really forget things, you just learn to put them at the back of your mind, but they are always there. Personally, I remember the bad times as a jw more easily than the good times, though, to be honest, there were more good times. I suppose that might be because the good times were based on a falsehood anyway, and if I hadn't been duped into becoming a jw I wouldn't have endured the bad times.