What has come back to me and what I have realized through this website is that my mother was probably mentally very sick with this religion for most of her life.
It was a sickening obsession to obey, tattle, feel extreme guilt, turn in family members, and never, ever measure up no matter what she did. Endless months of pioneering, meeting attendance and studying for meetings were not enough .....ever....She is now 73 years old and still trying to pioneer in the exhausting heat of Florida. In her full time pioneering days she came down with breast cancer. Her mindset? Just let me get beyond the treatment so I can get back out in service. She felt so guilty about not getting her time in she had to go to the elders to get the OK in her mind to get treatment. She even confided with a DO because she felt so guilty about being registered as a fulltime pioneer and not fullfiling her promise to the Society. THIS IS SO G..D.....SICK!
Fast Forward 10 years:
She bought a home large enough to host the book study, 2000 square feet for an old widow this is a lot of square footage to maintain. She is within 2 walking blocks of the KH.
The above life outlook was in turn firmly instilled in her children. We never could please her, or the society. No matter how good we were, or how much we did, the bottomless pit could not be filled. I myself have been miserable trying to balance my own life and her expectations, I have one brother dead at 19, and a younger brother a wild Harley rider covered in Tatoos who has no use for anyone. He hates my mother, and he and I don't really get along although I always adored him when he was little.
It just goes on and on.
Sorry, more of my BS life in the JWs