When a Loved One Leaves the Watchtower Society - Parody

by Scully 25 Replies latest jw friends

  • Scully

    Thanks for the great feedback, everyone! I decided to tackle "the box" on the last page of the article too.

    Have You Left the Watchtower Society?

    If so, you are probably aware that apart from death, there is no acceptable reason to leave our cult, and consequently your life is at risk because God is going to kill you. Perhaps you consider returning to the cult because we have convinced your friends and loved ones to treat you like crap until you do. Have you been trying to have contact with them, to no avail? HA! Good!! Or are you stubbornly holding back and making your mother cry all the time so that she's slacking off in Field Service™ and Meeting Attendance™? Remember, God is going to destroy you at Armageddon™. Moreover, life in this system is short and uncertain and it still is if you come back to the cult, but at least you can hope that God might not kill you. You cannot know if you will even be alive tomorrow, because God might kill you. (Psalm 102:3; James 4:13, 14) One man who was diagnosed with a terminal illness said: "This illness caught me involved in full-time cult recruitment activities; I never had a chance to do anything fun with my life. And the only good feeling I have now is because the nurse just gave me my hourly dose of Dilaudid." Imagine though, how he would have felt if his illness had caught him saying, "I'm going to die anyway, so I might as well live a little while I have the chance." If you have left the Watchtower Society, now is the best time to come back, because if you don't God will kill you!

  • Merry Magdalene
  • Leolaia

    That was so brilliant. Wow.

  • Fleur

    bttt...this is absofreakinglutely BRILLIANT, Scully. Especially love the box LOL "Because God is going to kill you!" ROFL!!!

    Laughing is the only thing that keeps my brain from exploding over this article. Thank you so much.

    Love you girl!!!


  • mrsjones5

    I love it!! You rock Scully!

  • Spectre

    RIGHT ON!!!

  • AlmostAtheist

    Zounds! Hard to pick out any one gem from that jewel-encrusted beauty, Scully, but I particularly enjoyed these bits:

    be careful to avoid unseemly hysterical outbursts that would make outsiders think that we are not The Happiest People On Earth™.
    It will certainly be most effective to "pour out your heart" in prayer to Jehovah. (Psalm 62:7, 8) Why? We don't have a clue really. But if it makes you feel like you're doing something productive and helps you keep focussed on cult goals, then why not?

    and of course...

    * Some names and experiences have been fabricated.

    Pure gold, well done!


  • fullofdoubtnow

    Scully, that's brilliant, and much more accurate than the original bs. This part says it all for me about why so many stay despite having doubts:

    Remember, if we were to exit the cult, we would still have to deal with life and face the fact that there is no New System™, no Armageddon™, and no Jehovah. On the other hand, by remaining loyal to the Organization™, we can pacify ourselves with stupid little fantasies instead of dealing with the realities of life. Be assured, then, the Watchtower Society doesn't give a crap about your situation, and only wants to ensure that you don't leave too or stop putting cash in the Contribution Box™. If you can remain a brainwashed drone, you'll stop having feelings and it won't bother you anymore.
  • Confession

    My favorite passages...

    Jesus said that accepting his message would cause divisions in some families, and the Watchtower Society makes damn sure that it happens.
    If you are presently shunning a former Jehovah's Witness family member, what can help you endure the pain and stupidity of rejecting them and find a measure of emotional anaesthetization?
    Where would the prodigal son have been if his father had not been in a condition to receive him back? Just like our sons, he'd have to sit at the back of the Kingdom Hall for a year or more until the Elders™ decided they were Repentant™ and ready to be Reinstated™."
    "Although I still cry daily, I'm grateful that the Watchtower Society has helped me recognize what a failure I was as a mother, and that I should just focus on recruiting strangers..."

  • DannyHaszard

    Well done Scully i should have left in 1976 i stayed due to stockholm syndrome

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