The cruelty against me can be classified as fair or unfair?

by ann in Texas 28 Replies latest jw friends

  • Dansk

    Hi again Ann,

    You wrote:

    I am currently still a jehovah witness, on paper; I have not attended a meeting for over 6 months.


    Parents: They support us either way. Either way they will be there at the wedding. It is just the fact that they continue to make comments that hurt.

    You are in a better position than many people on this forum! You've already made the decision to stay away from meetings, indeed you were questioning certain things (good for you, by the way), and so you will already be considered weak by the elders. Therefore, you might as well continue in the same vein and never go back.

    As your parents, and your fiance's, would support you either way (in spite of their stupid comments) and attend your wedding I really believe you are worrying unnecessarily. There are many here who would love to be in the position you are, i.e. not having attended meetings but still having supportive parents. There are many here who go to meetings week in and week out just to please their parents while inside they are tortured.

    If you and your fiance genuinely love each other then that's all that matters. The JWs are quick to point out that at marriage a man and a woman become one and the woman shall stick to her husband. So, play them at their game and marry your man and stick to him - well away from the organisation.

    You have years of happiness ahead of you. Don't lose the opportunity by being tied down (in your minds) by a heinous organisation that is rapidly being exposed for all the lies and injustices it has performed over the years.


  • MidwichCuckoo

    Welcome ann in Texas (and faince!). Firstly, the way you and your fiance have been treated is disgraceful. What was the REASON for him being disfellowshipped? As magoo said, they haven't taken this decision by their OWN rules (2 witness, admission /proof of guilt etc). So he has been falsely accused, and I dare say his reputation harmed by their decision.

    Has the Society being informed?

  • Perry

    Hi Ann,

    God has indeed turned his favor toward you and your fiance'. This is the clearest example of legalistic/authortatrian abuse from elders that I have seen in some time.

    Already your family members are willing to go against the elders to do the right thing. You have your lover, can get married, start your own family....everything free from the WT because they drove you all away falsely. This could turn into a big bonanza if you work with God on this. Don't go it alone. Ask Christ to guide you. It'll get pretty bumpy. Ask God for his peace to be on your new marriage and for you not to be afraid of their faces. This could eventually free many, many people.

    My wife and I along with others will be praying on your behalf.

    God Bless You!

  • TresHappy

    It sounds like to me you live in small town Texas where everyone knows everything about each other. If that is true, then you've got elders way out of line. How could they look at your phone records? I'd move the heck out of that town faster than you could say Jehovah.

  • garybuss

    One way to cool emotions and not make any hard to fix mistakes is to just don't do anything right now. Keep appearances up and do deep research. Take the time to get the education you have been lacking. Instead of running your life by emotion, learn to run your life with knowledge and reality.

    Start with reading Crisis Of Conscience by Ray Franz. Read here and sites like Silent Lambs, and Freeminds. Talk to some people who have experience and knowledge. Did I mention don't DO anything right now?

  • Ms. Whip
    Ms. Whip

    Hello Ann,


    I'm sorry that you have had so much stress lately.

    My advise would be:

    Take a year off. (or 2?)

    Find yourself a job (if you don't already have one).

    Move out of your parents house (if you are still living at home).

    Remove yourself from this situation for a while.

    You can still visit your parents, talk/be with your boyfriend, occasionally go to the meetings (for appearances if you want to keep those up).

    But, everything will be on your own terms.

    Take charge, take ownership, take responsibility for your own life.

    This may be the best year (or 2?) of your life.

    -ms. whip

  • Perry

    I completely disagree with Garybuss. What will inaction bring but a perpetuation of their cruelty? People will always remember the official punishment that you and your fiance suffered and will always look down on you for some kind of disobedience even though there was none. You will be treated like a leper by some even though you and your fiance have committed no sin.

    So, you have a HUGE opportunity here. True, you will suffer should you choose the path of moral superiority. But you will suffer if you do not. One path, you will remain the victum. The other path, victory over tyranny.

    Go rent Braveheart and watch it with your fiance' . "All men die. Few men really live". (Or women) Remember the price Christ paid to destroy sin and tyranny.

    Should you move forward with the marriage. I would simply keep repeating that you cannot go along with the elders' perpetuation of a proven falsehood. And, that to do so would be to turn your back on the God of Truth. Tell your parents that they trained you to love truth too much to do that and that you love Jehovah too much to live a lie.

    Don't go it alone.

    Trust God.

  • inbyathread

    Ann in Texas

    Are you sure you're not in Wisconsin? I am truely sorry for what you and your fiance going through. In my Eyes your fiance will not be reinstated anytime soon. The Elders have a grudge with him and will find anything to keep him out. (HEY CHIPPEWA FALL ELDERS, YEA I'M THINKING ABOUT YOU) The Elders will say that they have no authority to keep you two apart but by keeping him DF'd you need to follow the line and NOT speak or be with him. Separation accomplished.

    You didn't say if you grew up in the hall but I am going to make that assumption. He moved in. The Elders see you as a daughter figure and him as a prowller. Their emotions as father figures overstep their proper authority as elders of the congregation. This may not be your case but is probable and most common.

    If you and he still love eachother are you going to put your lives on hold for the emotional decisions made by three angry men? They will eventually die but your love for eachother will not. Live your lives, not theirs.

    IBAT (from a father who knows)

  • serendipity

    Hi Ann

    I'm sorry you and your fiance have suffered abuses at the hands of elders. This isn't a one-off situation, unfortunately it's going on around the world. I hope you can detach your faith in God from faith in men and start praying again. You've received some good responses here and I don't have much to add. I hope things work out well for you & your fiance.

  • Nathan Natas
    Nathan Natas

    Hi Ann,

    Boy oh boy, what a story!

    One thing that may be a positive result of this is that perhaps now your fiance and you can clearly see that this is not an organization of God, but of mere men, and very dumb petty men at that! Yet many with that realization choose to remain with the organization so that they do not leave their families. If that is a choice you've made, it is your choice.

    If you have concerns about associating with apostates, consider that many of them are here under circumstances similar to your own - they are the victims of Watchtower "justice." Who would you rather associate with - an "elder" who opens your mail and monitors your movements or an "apostate" who was disfellowshipped for saying that the WTB&TS does not do enough to protect children from pedophiles? By what insane pretzel logic is the elder righteous and the apostate wicked?

    What has your fiance done to appeal his treatment to Brooklyn? Has he called the service desk and explained his case to them? It is very rare, but sometimes the Watchtower reverses their injustices. It may be worth a try, no? If they disfellowship both of you, look at it as a new beginning with the man you love, and work to build a happy and successful life together. That is the ultimate revenge.

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