Thank you sooo much jgnat!!!!! Wow! Your tips are really going to be helpful. Glad to know there are others who have been through the same. From my own experiences, it seems like i am doing most everything right. Waiting for this all to pass will be so hard. I know there is a lot of pressure on her. Having her friend still linger around is kind of unexpected. My greatest fear is that she, too, will get DFd, and then they will make an attemt to become reinstated together. That will leave me alone for sure. She really wont need me if she has her best friend to help her along! I know it seems selfish, and maybe i was dreaming, but i had hoped her friend would have to disappear for awhile that way i would be the one to bring her through this troubled time. I had (probably unrealistically) thought this DFing would be the best thing to happen to her. I truly was being selfish.
Girlfriend was recently disfellowshipped
by kgav8r 25 Replies latest members private
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jgnat
Remember there is a world of difference between leaving the organization physically and leaving mentally. NOT RIGHT NOW, but later, I hope you can guide her through some independent thinking.
The girlfriend is a complication that I haven't fully processed. She could pressure your loved-one to return for her sake. She might be obliged, in a fit of guilt, to confess to any doubts or sin your loved-one has confided in her, getting her in more hot water. On the other hand, the DF'ing might help the girlfriend make her own stand on who really cares about HER as well.
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sass_my_frass
Hi love. I was d'fd, and my non-witness man stuck around while I sorted my head out. The difference in our situations might be that she intends to become a witness again; I did too at the time but knew that it was a crock and was only doing it to spare my family their pain. I've since decided that their pain is their choice and have decided not to go back.
Your situation will depend on how she feels about that. A good bulk of the discussions here revolve around the question 'what can I do to get them out?', and if you're interested, have a read and find out. You need to understand though that it will take many many years to do so. You need to decide if you have that kind of energy and time.
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Oroborus21
Greetings,
at first I was just going to write...
Just let her know that you are there for her and let her sort it out and have some faith that things will work out, but keep in mind that it may not work out due to no fault of your own and you may have to live with that.....
but after reading a bit more, including your latest comments...I can't help but inquire whether you have considered that at least part of who she is or part of what it is about her that you love has been derived or influenced by her being a Witness. Just think about that for a while.
Secondly, what you really have to appreciate is that being a Witness, like many religious upbringings, is an intrinsic part of her cultural and individual identity. If she has been "born-in" or reared for any significant time as a Witness, then it is as much a part of her identity as her nationality or even her ethnicity. One who is exiled from their country does not simply get over it and they may never completely forget or erase this part of their identity. They are quite likely to always feel like a stranger in a strange land. It is going to take some time for her to sort things out, even to the point of being able to make some healthy and deliberated decisions about her life and relationships. don't try to rush her and be very careful about your role in this situation and attempting to influence her - even the best of relationships have problems or rocky points and you never want to be in a position where she may seek to blame you for her choices.
good luck,
Eduardo
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kgav8r
Thanks Eduardo. Yes i have considered how much the JWs have shaped her life and even our relationship. She grew up in "the truth" and has known nothing else. I am prepared for the long journey ahead. I am in a unique position in that i can truly look from the outside and see both the good and the bad of the organization.
I feel the need to share my whole story, as there are parts that might help everyone help me. There are so many little details and it will probably be a long post. So i can do this a couple of ways: Give it to you all at once maybe miss a few things and add unnecessary details, or continue to bring "new light" on my situation in various posts. Which would you prefer? All at once, or little by little? Let me know!!!!
KG
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jgnat
How about just GUSHING your feelings. Get it all out. This site is a great release for many people.
BUT THE QUESTIONS, how about saving them for a thread each?