Physically abusive JWs: Still going to PARADISE?

by LovesDubs 10 Replies latest jw friends

  • LovesDubs

    I feel like Im in a bad dream most of my life, fighting back the poisons that have come into my family through the Watchtower. Because I am married to a JW and his sister and her family are JWs and my DAd mother in laws 2nd husband is an Elder, its pervasive and intrusive and insidious...and I feel like Im running around stomping out fires constantly that might consume my children and take them away from me or me from them. Im exhausted from it.

    My JW husband has always been an alcoholic. Always. And over the last 20 years he became more and more dependent on it and spent more and more time in bars and less with his family. I had to go find him and drive him and his vehicle home countless times passed out in parking lots, in bars, on peoples couches ...and my kids saw this. He has a flash temper that his liquid diet fuels. He never goes to meetings, never goes in service, never cracks a book or magazine. Finally last January he went to one of my sons basketball games intoxicated and had to be escorted off the floor for getting in the face of the referee...and then he went BACK to the bar AFTER the game. I went there and confronted him about not coming home to his family and embarrassing us all in public and he gave me this F-CK YOU look and turned back to his beer. He came home at 5am from that bar and beat me severely, dragging me from my bed, choking me sitting on me and slapping and backhanding my face at least 15 times while I was screaming for him to stop. He fled when I finally escaped to a neighbor and called the police and he was court ordered to stay gone for two months. But he is back now. And yes Im still here because even if I file for divorce I cant keep him out of his own house. And supposedly he has stopped drinking "indefinitely" (his word for it) But the kicker is...his mother DAd herself in December and HE is shunning HER! And now wont allow his own mother to speak to him after all the hideous heinous things he has done to me and to his children! He told my oldest that wearing a CROSS was OFFENSIVE to him! Jesus Krist! And on top of it he comes back into the house on April 1 and goes to the MEMORIAL all dressed up in his little suit with his bible and song book in NOTHING HAPPENED. And Im finding books that he is hiding in the kids ROOMS all the time. When he was gone I ripped to shreds every JW book and magazine in this house I could find. It obviously makes NO DAMN DIFFERENCE to these people their HOLY CALLINGor trainin...they can abuse every body and ANYBODY and STILL in their twisted minds have JEHOVAHS FAVOR. I sent pictures of my face that was shredded into hamburger to TWO elders who have known him since he was a teenager and nobody did a damn thing...not even a slap on the hand because he beat his apostate wife. Apparently thats ok to do, and I must have deserved it. Not a goddamn thing.

    He said to me "I may have my faults but unlike YOU at least I DIDNT LEAVE JEHOVAH LIKE YOU!" . I was stunned. So obviously as long as they dont admit fault or get CAUGHT beating their wives...they get their E-ticket to Paradise no matter what and they can treat the rest of us like sh-t and theres not a damn thing anybody can or will do about it. His response to his non JW sisters and his father about what he did to me? "She bruises easily."

    Anyone else have to deal with abuse like this from the CHOSEN?

  • juni

    I count my blessings that I don't have this problem in the home.

    With your husband's and others like him w/these 2 faces, they are being enabled by the Society because of their teaching that "faith w/o works is dead". JWs have been taught that meeting attendance, field service, study, commenting at mtgs. cover a multitude of sins. These ones like your husband feel that they are "safe" from God's wrath and they will be "saved" in the end because they are doing what this organization that claims to be directed by God says they should do. Truly a false security I believe.

    I feel that if there is an "end", there will be many surprised and disappointed JWs who felt that they were pleasing God by their works.


  • freetosee

    This is really bad. Is anyone supporting you? Cant you leave this abusive man? You and your children are in danger.

  • Nosferatu

    Yeah, my mom's going into Paradise Erf. I love how she denies that she ever beat me. I love the stories she comes up with.

    "Remember when you used to be afraid of me, but then I changed?" You didn't fucking change, I became a teenager and you could no longer beat me!

    Yep, if people like that are gonna be in Paradise Erf, I would rather die during Armageddon and have my eyes pecked out. Eternal sleep is much better than eternal torture.

  • blondie

    LovesDubs, frankly, I don't understand why you are staying.........your children are at risk. As a child in an abusive family, I wish my mother had left when I was young. There are organizations that can help you. I suggest checking online for those near you and getting help and support.


  • LovesDubs

    I was dead set on divorcing him. Then for two months I examined the results that that would bring: We own and run a business together which is our only source of income and it would have to be dissolved. That would cause us to lose our home, our insurance, our credit, and the house is currently in bad shape because of hurricane Wilma and couldnt be sold for even what we owe on it. We would then have to move because there is no way either one of us could live again in this area, let alone him support two separate households with the housing prices as high as they have become. The kids would have to move away from their home, their friends, their schools....and I did that to them already by moving down here 7 years ago. He doesnt hurt the kids. He ignores them...mostly always has...which is almost as bad. Im the target of all his ill will, and until that incident it had never been physical. And I cant afford what it would take to divorce him and he said he would fight me for the house. Trust me things arent hunky dory around here. The court system in this state sucks too. It took the Attorney Generals office 10 WEEKS before they even looked at what he did to me and it was the STATE that charged him with domestic battery...I didnt have a choice in that, and by then he was back in the house and they felt the "threat" was gone so they dismissed it.

    So yeah...Im still here.

  • serendipity

    Hi Lovesdubs,

    Since he's crossed the line, it could happen again. You need to start planning your escape, so you can leave at a future point. If you haven't already, ask him to get help from AA for his alcoholism. If he doesn't want to go that route, then suggest a counselor. You can also look into that as well to help you cope with the situation.

  • Warlock


    My mother put me through 11 years of HELL (6yrs old to 17 yrs old) married to an abusive son of a bitch stepfather.

    The only reason she left him is because I told her I was leaving on my 18th birthday. I was done with all the abuse.

    He may not bother the kids, BUT THEY ARE BEING TRAUMATIZED DAY AND NIGHT.


  • lisaBObeesa

    Oh, lovesdubs. You are one of my favorite posters from way back in the day....


    I hope you have some support. If not, do find some by calling a hotline or something. Anything. You need support. You need help. This is all too much. Please make a call. It can't hurt to just call and get some support from people who know about this type of situation... even if it is only over the phone.

    I made that call one day.

    I'm so sorry you are going though this, and for so long. So long.



  • LovesDubs

    He's all over everybodys books as having done this. The violence only happened this one time and Im not downplaying it at all. AT ALL. I made sure that ALL the neighbors knew he did this. I contacted and sent pictures of my face to his JW friends in Illinois where he walks on water. I told his older nonJW brother what he did becuase he was trying to hide it from him. The police took pictures and have the report. I went to the ER and they took pictures and made a report. I went to my personal physician and she graphed the bruises and charted my injuries....He knows if he steps one toe over that line he's in jail. He refuses to go to any AA because you know THATS against their beliefs. He wont go to any worldly shrinks because THATS against their beliefs and the court wouldnt order him to even though when I got my restraining order I begged them to order him to go. The court system sucks. I have a victims advocate that I worked with. Child protective services has a file on us. And my family would come and get us all if I rang the bell. So Im good.

    I look back at my life, my mother used to slap me around, my second husband used to hit me and I thought this third husband, this "Man of God" could be trusted to treat me good...I guess I must have done something in a prior life Im being punished for eh? (hugs to lisabo)

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