I woke up to my JW mom reading JW literature to my stomach

by unbeliever 40 Replies latest jw friends

  • poppers

    I like Scully's idea of a nightmare. Just say that suddenly a very pleasant dream turned ugly when demons appeared and started torturing you and your baby. Do this each time, with varying details, each time you catch her doing this and maybe she'll question what she's doing and stop.

  • SPAZnik

    Vent away. :)

    Something tells me that in the great circle of life, you are not the first new mother to have her own mother "cross a line" as it were, feeling entitled to invade your precious new parent-child relationship.

    I imagine many mothers could tell you stories about how they handled (& mishandled) their own mothers (or other perceived threats) under challenging circumstances under the times of change involved in baby-making and new mothering roles.

    Perhaps many grandmothers could tell you about their own mistakes and how they had to learn to adjust to their daughters turning into mamabears and what helped them to back off, even on issues that they felt fiercely about. :)

    I love it that you are protective of your unborn child. Natural instincts intact! :) He seems fortunate to be so loved already by both his mother, and his grandmother.

    I hope you won't underestimate the power of love in handling your mother.

    Did you tell her "please don't do that ever again?" and did you explain how violating and disrespectful it felt?

    Of course, it's entirely up to you when, if and how you choose to take flight or put up a fight in this and subsequent scenarios you are faced with in your new role as mama bear.

    That said, it seems some renegotiating/setting of boundaries and clarifying of roles might be in order. It's already occurring, so I guess it's just a matter of deciding which way you want it to go and doing what you reasonably can to guide things in that direction.

    Perhaps this is practise for handling many more challenging circumstances and relationships in the life of a mother.

    Thanks for sharing your situation. Somehow it gave me some real perspective on my own troubles/challenges of late. Not to mention a bit of a laugh at a very humorous visual. Life can get pretty ridiculous sometimes.

    For what it's worth, I get great vibes off of you and believe you can handle this.

    Congrats on your pregnancy and good luck in the future! :)

  • sass_my_frass

    That's great, it's all good news. I've got to say that you seem like you're so together. You're going to be a brilliant mum! It's so hard to know how to deal with our own mums, well now I won't be having any contact at all with mine, but yours sounds like she's coming from the same place. On one level she is a loving and concerned mother, and really only wants what is best for her kids. Unfortunately she's been deluded on what that is, and is manipulated and blackmailed into following the JW formula. It's unfair that she treats you and your sister differently, just because of the JW formula.

    The motherly and grandmotherly instincts are very strong. As a witness she wants you all three to sign up and be the Stepford family, but as a mother and grandmother she will also just want to remain a part of her life. I think you'd have a chance at getting her to behave in the only way you will accept, if you're very clear at all times what that is. You should put a stop to any games they start playing and force them to live in the real world, because you're not going to raise your child in their fantasy world. If you can keep making this clear to her in the plainest terms, it might sink in, which will take a lot of pressure off you. Keep up with what you're doing, but when they try doing the preach on your baby's father, keep the conversation going, and make sure they know that it's not going to happen.

    Or maybe not: you know your parents and know what it will take to get through to them, like as you say, them making a fool of themselves in front of the baby's father.

    Talk to the baby's father about the manipulation, it might be that he's already got a handle on it and is just being polite. He's probably realised that he has to build some kind of relationship with them and is just doing what it takes to keep things civil. My hubby had no idea how to deal with my parents; they're so different that it's very difficult for a non-witness to know where to start laying the foundation. If you explain to him where you're at with them, you'll be able to deal with this kind of thing from them together; it will be a helpful way for you to protect you child from it.

    Good for you, for letting your dad into the story, and letting him be the grandad! And I'm glad you've been able to work out where to stay, and that he's backed off. How is the pregnancy going, are you feeling well?

  • Robdar

    Next time someone does something creepy like that when you're trying to nap, pretend to wake up from a horrible nightmare and start smacking them and screaming as though you're still dreaming about someone attacking your unborn child. Pregnancy hormones are known to cause extremely vivid and sometimes frightening dreams. It would serve your mom right.

    Hahahahahaha! Scully, I LOVE you!

    You should do it, Unbeliever. Just a little smack ought to take care of the problem.

  • Finally-Free

    They certainly like to start the brainwashing early, don't they? Can't they even give the unborn a little privacy, peace, and quiet? I hope it wasn't the Revelation book she was reading. The poor kid will be having nightmares about the "wild beast" and "armageddon" before even being born!

    Forget all the other lies and problems the watchtower has. This kind of stupidity should be enough to scare most people away from this cult.


  • unbeliever
    How is the pregnancy going, are you feeling well?

    Hi Sass. Thanks for asking. It has been a relatively easy pregnancy physically and my health is very good. My expanding waste use to bother me but it doesn't anymore. They have some very fashionable maternity wear nowadays which makes it a lot easier. I remember the clothes my sister wore during her first pregnancy 19 years ago and they were horrible. FF- Now as for the baby's father I did not know this but mom gave him some literature that she felt the baby would enjoy when he got older and she really encouraged him to read it for himself. It was the book of bible stories and the new great teacher book. He scanned through them and was horrified by some of the pictures. Like the flood pictures in the bible story book and the armageddon pictures. He told me this last night. Let's just say I no longer have to worry about mom using him to try and witness to the baby. I didn't even have to do anything. Mom did it all herself. I'm relieved. He just does not understand why someone would read something like that to such a young mind that would give them nightmares and make them scared.

  • sass_my_frass

    That's all great news, I'm glad you're well and that your mum's taking care of the witness situation. I think of all the poor kids all over the planet having to go through the revelation book again - when that book isn't scary it's just plain boring.

    Hope that you stay well and happy!

  • lucky

    I'm pregnant, too, with my first child (and my parents' first grandchild) and my mom is coming to visit next week from across the country, so I can totally relate to your story. I'm hoping that my mom will not try to pull any witnessing crap, but I, too, am facing the possibility of having to have some sort of "draw the line" conversation with her. My husband told me if my mom tries anything funny, he's going to put a smurf doll in the room where she'll be sleeping!

  • free2beme

    Your mother is mental and only days from being in a straight jacket at the local mental ward. Sorry, but that was odd behavior in any religion.

  • Xandria

    Personally, to me... that would be like waking up and someone was performing a vodoo ritual over my tummy. Not acceptable, and a invasion of personal space.


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