by sspo 28 Replies latest jw friends
If you love your wife do what ever it takes to save your marriage.
Maybe the elders don't deserve to know the truth about your feelings (theocratic warfare). I would take it very slow and try to win your wife back with subtle points about the WTBS this might take a while.
Take care of yourself and your marriage no one else will, especially not the elders.
At the meeting play dumb, obfuscate, procrastinate, say your weak, stonewall. Who cares what they think!!!!!!!
Cyberguy hit it on the head for me:
I would suggest the “depression” defense, along with getting older in life with its many health problems, and that you don’t want to further your depression by such a meeting.
If I had to do it over I'd be tempted to take the "fading" approach so many here have done. Of course, I had kids then and my regret was that they stayed with their mom which gave me no opportunity to work from "the inside". The moment you leave, you are on the outside and they are required to shun you and avoid that influence you could impart if you were close.
Oh, yes, there's the honesty thing. I say, take the approach of the WT that all is fair in theocratic warfare. Fudge a little if and when you meet with that JC. They lie when it's in their best interests.
My two pennies.
Fats
well if I really loved my wife and definetly did not want a divorce like you said I would probably just lie to them and say that you have some doubts but you're sure you can work through them it's just going to take time or whatever. Then just fade away, your wife won't divorce you for being "spiritually weak" but "The Big D" (*trademark Watchtower bible and tract society*) might cause a divorce.
If it were me that's what I would do just say "Yeah this is the perfect orginization blah blah blah", you can mention that you're having trouble understanding a few things, then mention what they are. Be careful to phrase them as a question, then they'll think it's really something you're struggling with. Then you can just say, "it's going to take some time for me to work through this, so I apologize to my wife for having to deal with this, but it's just the way things are going to have to be for now."
That's just me, I'm the type that likes to just avoid conflict, hence why I faded away.
sspo,
Many of the people here went through or are going through the same ordeal as yours. Keep reading and posting messages. And I'm so sorry that you have to go through this.
sunshineToo
Hi, with that title, I was going to reply with 'aw c'mon it's not that bad'... but in your situation yes it is, and I apologise for having potentially been trite. I don't know what to say. I'd be thinking that your wife's reality is that she can't leave you unless you cheat.... but then, what's a marriage without shared beliefs, passions, interests.... Many people have tried; I have no clue what you can do.
With regards to the apostate thing.... in many many years, you might see how ridiculous the label is. You have bigger things to worry about though. Keep it together, and stay in touch; people here know what you're going through, even if it's such an impossible situation that there's very little advice to be given.
Greetings sspo,
:Now i'll have to meet with the elders and tell them about my spirituality and doubts about the WTS, 1914, 1995 generation change,Malawy/Mexico,and on and on and my wife will be there.
Don't do it. It'll just make things worst.
Dismembered
If there is one thing I've learned....and I haven't actually really learned it yet.... is that we will survive through the most difficult transitions in our lives, and when we finally come out of the difficult situation, we are better, happier and stronger.
Agreed Sirona, Whatever doesnt kill us only makes us stronger!
My view is that there is no reason why you should submit to their authority; they have no jurisdiction unless you provide it; my heart goes out to you through what must be a tough time.
DB74
And who is to say your an apostate anyway?
That is a label that they give you to try to destroy your self esteem and to also demonise you in front of your family and so called friends; labels mean nothing, its whats inside that counts!
DB74
The one that could be applied here, of course, is absolute endangerment of spirituality.
This is correct, I was thinking of this myself; however, this does not free the JW mate to remarry, unless it can be proven the other had relations with another person.
OC
