Should I persue a relationship with a Jehovah's Witness?

by BNS 20 Replies latest jw friends

  • SPAZnik

    do whatever you want
    (do you want a relationship where you have to "lie" to hte person about your beliefs?)

  • smellsgood

    <div>BNS: I am 21 and live in NY. ; I lived in SC for 2 years and went to college there. ; While I was there, I met a 27 year old married man and he had an affair with me. ; He is African American and I am White. ; His now ex-wife, which he has a 2 year old son with, ;is a Jehovah's Witness. ; Recently he took interest and became a JW. ; I currently have no religion and am not completely sure of what I believe in. ; My family is not religious and I wasn't raised with any kind of faith. ; I have very ;strong feelings for this man, to the extent that I am considering moving back to SC to be with him. ; Is it possible for this relationship to work? ; Would our racial differences be frowned upon by his religion? ; Is it possible for me to learn about his beliefs to appease him, but not convert?>>>>>
    smellsgood: Well hello and welcome first of all. I'm 22/f and have never been a Jehovah's Witness myself
    I'm really happy that you came to this board. You've probably just saved yourself from making one of the biggest mistakes of your life.
    Unfortunately, you're man is now part of a high control, dominating cult. I think the general attitude of relationships once one is a Witness, (and if he is at all serious about his conversion to this, he will follow suit) is that you are to try your darndest not to pursue relationships with 1) a "worldly" person (anyone who is not a JW 'unevenly yoked') 2) any relationship that does not have a view of marriage on the horizon.
    Please, please please don't let yourself entertain any religion based on interest in another person!! Just look what happened to Katie Holmes. ha.
    That's a good example, actually. Here comes sweet little Catholic Katie. Tom, Katie; Katie, Tom. Ethan Hunts on a mission. Target Katie. Katie "Oh Tom your wonderful." Tom 'Katie is my methamphetamine' lunges at Oprah.
    Tom "Oh, you can be a Catholic Scientoligist, a Muslim Scientologist, not a depressed Scientologist though"
    Katie "The thing I love about Scientology is that I can be a Catholic and a Scientologist"
    Diane Sawyer: "So will the baby have a Christening"
    Tom: "Yes, a scientologist one"
    Diane: "is Katie a Catholic still?"
    Tom: "no, just a scientologist"
    <pffffft, those feathers weren't hard to pluck
    the point being that its easy to get swept up into a cult through love of a cult member. You love the person. The person is dogmatized into a strict religious discipline. It won't be long now til you're willing to drop what you do or don't believe to "appease" that person to have them/keep them/not let them down.
    As with all devoted cult members, Tom Cruise not only had to have Katie, but he took it a step farther and stole her communion wafers, and used the wine to ply her before insemination.
    What I am trying to say here is that he looks at his religion as the problem solver, the shining city on a hill, the ANSWER to the QUESTION. Thus, when he finds a lover, he is thrilled about that, and since he is also so thrilled with auditing and whatnot, he shares what he loves or believes with his lover. To open her eyes, save her, to have her experience what he believes is vital for him, and all people to know/believe/think.
    Scientology is strikingly wacky though. The WTBTS is ever so subtler and craftier. Their *urgh* "foundation" at least is supposedly a book which two of the three biggest religions use anyway.
    Since a cult considers itself a sole channel to God/peace/joy/happiness/fulfillment/destiny, it by definition excludes others and demands total affiliation.
    I would recommend looking up their history/doctrine on, i actually first went to this site: when i was first learning about them.
    I don't think the inter-racial thing is so much a problem, at least from a doctrinal standpoint. I'm not sure your guy knows they were pretty darn racist back in the day, though. This of course was not soley a WT folley back in that time.
    I'm hoping that maybe if you two do share a really lovely connection, and you want to still be involved with him, that perhaps you could help him in one of the most amazing ways possible. You could be the person who tells him the real story about the WT, and get him out of a wicked, lying, profiteering corporation.
    good luck

  • sunshineToo


    Welcome to the board! I have to agree with the Big Tex. If he wants to be a jw in good standing, he has to stay with his jw wife. If he decides to stay with you, he will get excommunicated and shunned by his friends and family (if his family members are jws also.)

    Don't try to change yourself. Find someone who appreciates just who you are. Even you convert to jw, in the eyes of the organization, you guys are still committing adultery. Then you both get punished. On second thought they may not even let you be a jw if they find out you are involved with a married jw.

    Remember! If he wants to be a jw, he has to stay with his wife. Why did he get interested in their religion in the first place? Perhaps his wife's influence?

  • gaiagirl

    I agree with the above comments, this relationship doesn't seem like a good idea, and it was wise of you to seek counsel from people who know about Jehovahs Witnesses. Most of us here are JW's, or former JW's, so know of what we speak. The best way to meet someone compatible is to live your life doing the things you like to do. You will meet people who also enjoy doing those same things, providing a common ground on which a relationship can be built.

  • Stealth453

    Dear doG, NO!!!! If he cheated on his ex, he will cheat on you. Thats the good news. You want NOTHING to do with the JW's. If you want the fast tract to a ruined life....join. If not, stay as far away from that cult as you possibly can.

  • Stealth453

    I old Jogahogie days surfaced there. I meant to say...TRACK, not tract.

  • fullofdoubtnow

    Hi BNS, and welcome to the board.

    My advice would be no, do not pursue a relationship with a Jehovahs Witness, unless you want to spend your life playing second fiddle to the watchtower organisation.

  • TresHappy

    If you value your sanity, self-respect and any decent future, please do not pursue a relationship. There are so many red flags here, you'd think you were in a Communist country.

  • blondie

    No, every marriage I have seen where one is a JW and one is not has had problems, severe problems. I grew up in such a family and saw many end up in divorce.

    There will be constant pressure on you to become a JW. If you have children, there will be the problem of whether your children will have a blood transfusion or not.

    Before you get into this any deeper, get out and find someone who shares your view of the future. JWs teach that all non-JWs will soon be executed by God never to live again.


  • LovesDubs

    Welcome to the board dear heart. Getting involved with the JWs is an insidious trap. Do you know the words to the song "Hotel California"? Well getting involved with the JWs is like that...for all appearances it seems like a lovely place, but as they say in the song when you decide you have had enough of the madness "You can check out, but you cannot leave." You are probably the reason that he got divorced in the first place. There may be others out there he dated as well. A cheat is a cheat is a cheat and you are young and naive about the ways of this cult. If he was married to a JW then he has been associated with them long enough to know what being a JW entails, and he may not be honest with you and tell you what that means that YOU will have to do if you want to stay with him. For example: JWs believe that they and they alone are Christians. All other religions including other Christian churchs are Satanic. They believe that they and they alone have their prayers heard by Jehovah God. They believe that they and they alone will be survivors of Armageddon and all others will be bird food. They believe anyone that opposes them is satanic and that they alone have the "Truth" revealed to them by God himself through the Watch Tower. They dont celebrate Christmas, Easter, Birthdays or Thanksgiving, or for that matter ANY holidays. Any children would have to be raised JW and that would mean that he and the kids would be at the Kingdom Hall at JW "meetings" three days a week for approximately 5 hours of meetings (and that doesnt include meeting preparation time and travel) and they are REQUIRED to go out door to door preaching the JW mantra and they are REQUIRED to report how many hours they do this, as well as how many magazines, books and tracts and studies they place or start on a monthly basis. In addition to the weekley meetings there are conventions and special talks other activities which keep the JW occupied and involved with only other JWs during the course of the year, which will exclude you even more. The kids cannot participate in school activities. They cannot say the pledge of allegiance, they cannot sing patriotic songs or holiday songs or draw or make any holiday krafts. They cannot be in sports because that means association with nonJW kids who are ALL considered "bad association" and practice and game times interfere with meetings and door to door preaching time and that is unacceptable. NonJW spouses are treated like vermin, considered to be a "spiritual threat" to the JW spouse. Unless you too participate in the meetings, get sucked up in the mind control and become a JW too he will be on you like white on rice preaching to you, quoting JW literature and "encouraging" you to sit in on his bible studies "if you really love me honey you will do this with me".

    Trust us on this is what we were TAUGHT as JWs TO DO...RECRUIT people for the purposes of increasing the JW cult following.


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