IN Between: Welcome. This is a good place to rant. When upset don't make decisions that can effect you forever - like DA'ing - or at least that's my suggestion.
It take a couple of years to have the FOG lift and it appears that is has happened. Eventually they will mean less and less to you as you fade deeper and make other friends and root yourself into a new life that is actually your own.
Hello to all ... I've finally decided to sign up
by In Between 50 Replies latest jw friends
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confusedjw
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ICBehindtheCurtain
Welcome In Between , Thank you for sharing your story, I can truely relate. My family and I are Faders, we go once in a while just to keep up appearances, since my Mom (regular pioneer) is still in, and other family members also. It was shocking at first to say the least, when I found out about all the lies and misinformation the Society throws at the members, I went through the feeling totally lost phase, like the rug was pulled from under me, to the incredible anger phase when you realize the harm they have caused to so many unsuspecting people, and how they have influenced so many decisions you've made in your life, to the just letting go phase when although you are still angry at them at times you see them as insignificant and unable to affect your life.
Now and for quite awhile I am in the enlightenment phase, and it's like waking up and seeing the Sun for the first time, when you are free to question and find answers and have achieved that inner peace and joy, that was so hard to find unless, so we were told by the society on numerous times, your were doing the JW shuffle-you know-5 meetings a week, 10 hours a month, studying for all meetings, and those that achieved these unrealistic goals would find that they had no peace and joy, but were exhausted and neglecting other important things. Today I see so many things differently, I believe in God the Creator, but I no longer choose to call him Jehovah (iv'e researched where that name came from), I don't believe in the bible as God's inerrant word (iv'e researched that also), I would say that I believe God's word to us is his creation around us, and our wonderful bodies. If we show Love to others and ourselves we don't need commandments telling us how to behave because our behaviour would be such that would no harm others or ourselves, that's what I strive for. Anyway, I've rambled long enough, Take care, and read, read, read as there is incredible information on this site, there are many wonderful minds that gather here, you will be empowered and enlightened.
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codeblue
Welcome
I enjoyed reading about your JW life...can identify quite well with your sentiments.
I am still a "fader"........3 years now. This board has been a life saver to me!!! I then started meeting other posters in person, and that helped me on the healing road as well.
Being in a cult is like some alcoholics feel, you can't just stop and have no side affects.
Lack of friends is huge, but contrary to the WTBS sayings, there are some great people outside of the JW's.......very kind and caring people.
Keep posting!!!
Codeblue
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Bookey
Welcome. I understand all those feelings. I feel like you just described all the people I thought I knew, but came to realize they are drones. THe hardest thing for me is to stop these new feelings of evil I have towards the hall and the old people, and old things there. I keep having these desires to burn things and rebuke things with "fire". I find myself saying to the witnesses I run into at stores and such "Yahweh our real elohim is going to rebuke you with fire" and so on... It releases endorphins if anything, and you cannot be arrested for saying so, since you are only pointing out what the real Yawheh or armies is going to do to false babylonian mystery religions such as the Jehovah's Witnesses. IT took me a while to realize that Jehovah is a false 14th century word from medieval times and it is closely associated with freemasonry. The real Yahweh is an Elohim of LOVE not hate and definitely not of structured hypocritical organization. I repeat Yeshua called the Pharisees hypocrites for their strict tight rules... Because they missed the love of God's law, and only saw the hate... Silly human race... IF we were all killed by a meteor tomorrow all of it would be worth it since there is little accomplished by such an arrogant world of hypocrites. May Yahweh rebuke us all with fire on high... Starting with the Watchtower society.
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serendipity
Hi inbetween and welcome!
There are a lot of stories here of the JWs conditional love. I too agree that you should think very carefully about disassociating yourself while you still have family members in, because they may not speak to you.
Your spiritual journey may be confusing as well due to things you find out. Just take it easy. You don't have to get all the answers by next week.
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nowisee
hey!
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Cellist
Welcome, In Between. Keep reading the posts here and the fear of Armaggedon will fade. The "A" word used to be very prominent in my life. Now I'm not even sure if I've spelled it right.
Cellist
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katiekitten
I thought someone was your friend because of the qualities and interest that you shared with another ... not because you attend 5 meetings a week.
They have a very strained definition of friendship dont they.
Welcome to the board. Please dont be overwhelmed with guilt about joining, you just need to be around some people who understand what you are going through.
I too felt the same fear of being destroyed at Armageddon. But know what? You can only be destroyed once. So if you have decided you are out, you might as well set about living your life to the full now.
And you never know. God might actually read hearts when (IF in my opinion) the big A comes. He might just decide to be totally radical, knock himself out, confound all his priests and pick decent honest nice people, not just those who have put in their 4 hours a month at field service. Its a thought...
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Fleshybirdfodder
Hi inbetween!
Welcome to the board! Not much I can add. I have been fading for about 2 years now, and while it hasn't been easy, it certainly has been worth it! I was also raised a witness with blinders over my eyes, but once you start to heal (and this board is an awesome start!) you will see how big the world really is, how beautiful everything is, how exciting everything is, and how refreshing it is to live without the constant terror of judgemental eyes on you. Read some of the life stories of the board members, you have really come to a place where people can understand what you are going through. Tonnes of great research to go through and lots of laughs too! Look forward to hearing more from you!
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sinamongurl
welcome "in between" u r definitely an asset here
The fear of getting killed at Armageddon still persists. I can't D.A. while my parents are alive ... but today, even though I've been fading for awhile, was the last straw. I need to move on. Now I'm left with the simple question ... now what? Thank you for your time ... I hope to be a positive addition to this board ...
i have been df'd for 5 years now and still have the fear of armageddon inside me...the intensity of it fades but i still i have my good days and bad days wondering if somehow what the jws have taught is true....but as u mentioned, i agree that something just doesnt add up....u r considered a friend until u make a "mistake"
there is no rooms for mistakes or being urself.....u have to fit in....and if u question ur own beliefs...."look out" u r all of a sudden an apostate
i have found that i have better and more loyal friends out in the "world" than i did in the "truth"
so keep reading and posting and u will find comfort
Sin