Diary of a mad Jdub woman.

by jojochan 23 Replies latest social relationships

  • jgnat
    Course, I suspect this is also the voice of experience speaking here...

    You got THAT right, sister. My advice decades ago would not have been worth spit. There are some wonderful things about growing up. Even as our bodies betray us.

  • OpenFireGlass
    Hey Now.. I still build stuff with legos..
    LOLOL!! I mean no offense my friend But coming from THEM, that was a funny statement. To me it seemed like something out of an Awake? rag.

    hehehe... I know, I know... others had alreay stated the obvious... that just stuck out to me cause I build with lego's too, and I just wanted to add a comment to your thread....(it was either that comment, or something along the lines of,: "those guys need to burn one..")

  • jojochan
    ....(it was either that comment, or something along the lines of,: "those guys need to burn one..")

    Hey I would've went fopr that! LOL!


  • bubble

    Hi Jojo. My sister was in the same situation as your cousin a few years ago. All the men in the 'truth' were rubbish but thought they were fab just because they were eligable.

    She fell in love with a worldly man and felt scared and guilty etc. He was very persistant though and they were married in 1997 and have been happy ever since. She's still a dub and he's still worldly.

    She went through hell with the elders at the time, they marked her and basically everyone misunderstood and shunned her. A couple of years later all was forgiven and she is treated as normal and her hubby is invited everywhere that she is.

    Her best friend however decided to do the 'right' thing and is still single and in her late 30's now. Such a shame as she is a lovely girl.

    I'm afraid I married someone I was totally incompatible with, divorced him 16 years later, am now df'd and happily remarried.

    I hope things work out for your cousin. Tell her to follow her heart, god just wants her to be happy. XXX

  • jojochan
    Her best friend however decided to do the 'right' thing and is still single and in her late 30's now. Such a shame as she is a lovely girl.

    Yeah, which is why I don't want that to happen for her either. Thanks for the kind response.


  • morwen

    Sadly,I think there are alot of women in this religion going through this.I can think of several.

    I'm wondering if there are any examples you could show her that are "good"(using the word loosly) even though one of them is NOT a JW???? Let me try to explain a situation I know of...

    A JW women was married with 3 kids,had been married for about 12yrs or so.The wife was done,she couldn't take it anymore and divorced .She get's DF'd,meets a nice worldly guy and gets married. The guy she snagged has money,he's very nice looking,he's never beat her,and he's all around nice & a manly man.

    She get's reinstated(which I'm sure her husband would rather her not done but he seems okay with it).And she also had a child by him.Their daughter is now 15 yrs. old. They seem to get along with each other,and she will brag privately to others about how much money she has and how nice a husband she snagged and how happy she is now, compared to what she had before.And get this....she's a reg. pioneer (barf!).

    So she went out and completly broke the rules and she has (what appears to everyone) a good marriage.Now, I do not understand how in the heck she can go door-to-door and preach to people about "morality" when she broke all the rules got exactly what she wanted and is preaching to you that you can't do the same,what a hypocrite. Do you get what I'm saying though? Am I making sense or does this sound stupid,LOL?

    She took the" hit" got the punishment,snagged what she wanted,came back "in" and is now a reg. pioneer. So what religious harm did it really do to her?? Is it as "bad" as the JW's say it is?? How many JW's would now walk up to her and tell her she's not approved of by god and isn't going to "make it"?? There's this loophole, they say ...oh don't do this or else.... but then you have people who do it and then once the person pops back "in the game" then everything is okay and they hush up about the whole sinning thing and preach "love","repent" and "forgiveness".(even though I know it's all a binch of sh**).

    She did everything the JW way which= Disaster

    She breaks all the rules which= Success

    Now why does this contradiction exist if something isn't seriously flawed? Jw's preach to no end the "success" of doing things "their" way and marrying ONLY other JW's but reality speaks for itself, JW marriages are exploding in untold numbers.

    My cousin is unbaptized,his wife is baptized. When they told everyone they were getting married her mother was livid! She dragged her before the elders and they told her if she married my cousin they would "mark" her... bla bla bla. Well she told them she didn't care she was doing it anyway,which totally pissed off the elders. So when she got married they announced from the stage, she was "marked" ( this was 2 yrs. ago). But she will tell you point blank,"I got what I wanted".So again... she broke the "rules",took the hit,and got what she wanted.

    I agree with jgnat and blondie about really taking the time to notice other "worldly"(normal!) poeple and their family life/marriages. Do they really live life as bad as the JW's say they do?? What.... like JW's ONLY have successful families?? Yeah right! List how many JW's you know of that have divorced and how many times they have divorced??? How many have cheated or been cheated on?? My list is huge.

    Don't know if that helps,just my two cents worth!!!! I wish the best for your cousin!!


  • jojochan
    There's this loophole, they say ...oh don't do this or else.... but then you have people who do it and then once the person pops back "in the game" then everything is okay and they hush up about the whole sinning thing and preach "love","repent" and "forgiveness".(even though I know it's all a binch of sh**).

    I know, I know of many other examples of those that had affairs with OTHER dubs, got df'ed, then in six months got back in and carried on like nothing happened. I tried to reason with her on that level as well.

    I guess the best weapon for me is time.

    But the thing is, is that she contradicts herself too much. One day she's so gun ho for the collective, then the next thing she's crying on how she can't live up to jah's expectations.Which I quickly refute that those are MEN'S expectations, not God's. Who are they to expect to read his mind, the one that has no beginning.

    As of now I don't really say anything; I just smile and say, "We've disscussed this before, you know my answer to that already."

    like with this "brother", she says that he has nothing to offer her at all but a good time and laughs.

    "I need so much more, and I deserve it." she says.

    I just stare on.

    She's afraid that he'll flake just like the others, And I know the type...he would too.

    I hope for the best, but I know that she's on her way out to be freed of this crap....she's just in denial.


  • jgnat

    Why don't you mark her flip flops on the calendar for a few months and then show her?

    I appear endlessly forgiving to some people. I'm beginning to wonder if it's just because of my short memory. If she sees her swings in black and white, it might help her make the final plunge to sanity.

  • jojochan


    She called me a couple of nights ago....

    She could'nt stand it any longer; she had to tell him how she felt about him. She actually drove 60 plus miles to tell him how she felt about him. All the things that she did for him, all the care she gave to him, all the things that he said to her, all the things he DID to her...

    He did'nt feel the same way about her, but told her that he was "talking" to a another sister, and was seeing her for six months.

    As she was crying her eyes out she told me that she maybe destined to be with a "worldly"man.She asked me my opinion, but I don't feel that I'm the right person to ask.

    I then said, "Well...I'lll switch to J dub mode and tell you what the elders would tell you." Then I did, needless to say she said I was full of it. But she saw my point. They would've told her the same thing.

    It would great that one day, one distant day people can love one another without those silly prejudices.

    Update to now she's seeing an outsider and is actually happy, not guilty about it. He even met her J dub to the core brother, which is a start.

    It just called to mind what I had been through with my ex girl. What if I just threw caution to the wind and showed her off to my family?

    The answer? I was'nt ready, I can see that now, and now that I am....I was days late and a dollar short.

    I hope the best for her since she's my relative and stood up for me throughout the years. Who knows were this new thing wouod take her.


  • LDH
    You see them, with their long dresses, their plastered smiles, and thin slender bodies. Cookie cutter sisters.

    JJC have you been to the assembly recently, LOL.

    Don't forget the other part of this equation. It's something I know about firsthand. Because the JWs are always saying you should only date someone that you will consider marrying, if you end up not getting married it is the sister who is looked at sideways. The unspoken rule is that the first person you date, you have to marry!

    My sister dated three different baptized brothers over a period of TEN YEARS and she was counseled as to being 'loose' and GET THIS. The brother was taken aside and told that she would never get married and that he was just getting PLAYED. She told the elders that these men simply did not meet her standards and what was the purpose of dating if it was not to get to know someone? She was shown the scriptures about Mary only being ENGAGED and how seriously it was taken! The elders were quite offended that she would have "standards" other than a baptized publisher/ MS. Can you believe it.

    Well shortly thereafter my sister DA'd and three years ago she married an awesome 'worldly' man --PhD from England and couldn't be happier.

    So my point is, your cousin - or is it sister - is now used goods. Whether or not she's a virgin.


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