Diary of a mad Jdub woman.

jojochan

My cousin is at end of her rope....

Even though she tells me how she does not want to marry a "worldly" man she can't help but to conclude that that's what's gonna happen. She's now "talking" to a brother that's in her words "brokeback" but o.k in her opinion. She's also frustrated that he although enjoys sneaking over her house and fooling around with her, he has made no effort to say, "Roll with me, I wanna be your man."

She starts to cry to me when she tells me this. I hurts me that she's hurt.She's like a little sister to me.

She then asks me what's wrong with her as to why "brothers" don't see her the same way "worldly"men see her. The one's on the outside that she went out with really wanted a relationship with.

I've met one of her ex'es that had called me asking about the ends and outs of the cult.This man was well off, had property, owned a business, ect. He was ACTUALLY going to join up.

"Hey, in my eyes she's worth it.I love her dearly" He said. I miss that guy.

It did'nt fall through because she got guilty and went to the brothers about it. He was her first time.

"I wished I had his baby." She said to me.

Hurt and distraught he told me that he would NEVER mess with a dub. "They obsess over religion WAY to much."

That was the last time I heard from him.

Fast forward to now. She's alone...well, except for the "brother" that calls her to have phone sex. Then asks if she's going to her meeting.

Now more than ever there's a growing number of brothers that are still little boys and not yet men whe it comes to men/women relations. Elders encourage those feelings indirectly by stating that they should "cling to one another" instead of getting freindly with the sisters sinse they serve as a distraction. These are "married"elders!

And don't EVEN bother asking for their wives opinion since 80% of them would agree for some odd reason.

I had a long talk with her last night about the plight of "brokeback" brothers in the collective.

She says she doesn't want to lose Jah's approval because of her choosing to be with someone on the outside.

I replied," I don't think that he would view you less differently. Hey, he forgave David, right?"

"But we're only supposed to marry "only in the lord", but I don't wanna settle for less either, It does'nt make sens."

I interrupted, "That line of reasoning does'nt make sense!"

She got quiet.

"I really wish that you would stop settling for less when it comes to your heart. A person is a person. It should'nt matter what he is. But unfortunatley we were taught to love with conditions. It's just that now you are beginning to think for yourself...and you are afraid to do that because you are starting to see this for what it really is....a joke, a mad circus. And if you ignor that, the sun is ALWAYS going to be in your eyes."

Time and time again she gets hurt by these "brothers" that only want the "stepford" sister. The ones that are in the Awake? rags.

You see them, with their long dresses, their plastered smiles, and thin slender bodies. Cookie cutter sisters.

My sister is not that. She's fighting her emotions when it comes to the collective and how she'll never find a man that she could respect.

She says the "truth" emasculates men, especially now that more brothers in my area and those that came back from bethel talk down to the sisters and exclusively hang together. I had gotten a phone call from a "brother" way back in day asking me if I wanted to go over and meet up with the brothers to lift weights and "build stuff with Legos."

see what I mean? And I NEVER acted like that when I was in the BorG.

I can see why she's mad.

jojochan.

jgnat

Maaan, this one hits very close to home for me. This poor girl is very close to losing her mind. Something has got to give. I hope she ditches the bad advice and starts LIVING. She needs a few dates with some regular men, maybe through a dating service.

You can tell her that from me, a woman twenty years single waiting for a spiritual manly-man and very nearly went nuts in the process. Older women can take risks. It's not like we'll have a passel of children with the guy. What we get is a slightly quirky companion in our middle years.

serendipity

Hi jojo,

She then asks me what's wrong with her as to why "brothers" don't see her the same way "worldly"men see her.

Man, does that bring back memories. I used to wonder the exact same thing 20 years ago. I hooked up with a worldly guy not long afterwards.

I've also heard this from other JW women in their late 20's on up. They have a lot to offer, but the JW men in their age range just don't get it.

Give your cousin a hug from me.

jojochan

They have a lot to offer, but the JW men in their age range just don't get it.

Because they have been told to focus more on getting a hold of the "real life"

I know because I've been told this same thing.

Also they are afraid to commit due to negative experiences that have been told to them by other brothers. It's experiences like that and being told to view them as "fleshly sisters" that makes it bad...I never could understand that kind of logic.

And yeah I'll give her that hug as well.

jojochan.

jojochan

But my other question is... Does "marry only in the Lord" really hold up when fully discussed? Does it hold any weight? I wanna dispute this how the BorG twists this scripture.

I just wanna make her think.

jojochan.

jgnat

This is how I got past the "unequally yoked" thing. I saw many couples who were clearly incompatible marry each other because they were the only eligible singles in their faith. I am sure your cousin has seen this in her own congregation. Were that couple "equally yoked"? Didn't their difference cause years of friction and pain? Clearly, it's this sort of incompatibility the writer was speaking about.

That's the first hurdle.

Second, all other personality traits being equal, can't the difference in belief be breached? The challenge here is to recognize that not all people outside the society are under the influence of Satan. Blondie has suggested going for a walk in the park and observe the people there. Are they involved in evil things? Or are they showing love, tenderness, kindness?

People "out there" are not so different after all.

Second hurdle.

IF she were to marry using her own conscience, EVEN against the advice of family and friends, what's the WORST thing that can happen? Divorce? uuuuuuuh. Now, have her imagine what her life will be like five years hence if she continues to wait for a male convert in her age bracket who finds her attractive and interesting while ALSO managing to keep his sense of balance and humanity? (I'm assuming a convert here, as she would have to wait too long for the boys to reach eligible age).

Third hurdle.

AudeSapere

IF she were to marry using her own conscience, EVEN against the advice of family and friends, what's the WORST thing that can happen? Divorce? uuuuuuuh. Now, have her imagine what her life will be like five years hence if she continues to wait for a male convert in her age bracket who finds her attractive and interesting while ALSO managing to keep his sense of balance and humanity? (I'm assuming a convert here, as she would have to wait too long for the boys to reach eligible age).

jgnat - I wish I had met you *decades* ago. Course, I suspect this is also the voice of experience speaking here...

jojochan - I would imagine that a big part of 'marry only in the lord' is to minimize distractions from the urgent work at hand as well as apostate teachings finding their to the believer by way of the 'unbelieving' spouse.

-Aude.

greendawn

I can see her dilemma, the dubs are very pedantic and a worldly husband may die soon at armageddon as the WTS teaches so she can't really have any sense of security, why marry a man who will die soon?

That's what cults do to people.

OpenFireGlass

and "build stuff with Legos."

Hey Now.. I still build stuff with legos..

jojochan

Hey Now.. I still build stuff with legos..

I had to laugh at that one. But have you EVER been to a "gathering" whereonly the brothers are there? One example was when I was at a dub "bachelor party" and they had rented a suite at a hotel in downtown S.F. And not too far there was Ruby Skye. And me, like a dummy I thought that we were going there, but NO...they ended up staying in that room, all 15 of us, drinking grey goose and playing Xbox. I know that it may sound like fun but trust me it was'nt.

What was funny was there were five more "brothers" that came in and saw the future groom on the bed. They screamed and ran over and one by one, jumped on the bed and on top of him, very Lord of the Rings like.

One got on top of the groom, " You're gonna do her like this huh?" as he tried to roll him over on his stomach.

I was laughing about it, but the weird thing was is that they kept going on and on with it, like they were obsessed with the idea of him finally having sex with a woman.

" I wonder what it feels like?" One asks.

"Yeah, like apple pie or chicken soup, you know I was told that the sisters smell funny." The other said.

I could not believe that I was hearing how ignorant they were.

I had to leave, and soon two others followed saying that the mood was killed.

So we ended up going to Ruby Skyes and got our freak on there.

I told this story to my cousin.

"That's SO brokeback...." and walked away..."IS'NT THERE A REAL MAN OUT THERE FOR ME???!!!" shouts out.

I still laugh to this day about that one.

And Jgnat, thanks I'll keep those points in mind.

jojochan.

Diary of a mad Jdub woman.

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