Is anyone out there a closet smoker? You know-sneaking one here and there.....
I smoked from the time I was in my late teens-tried to quit the odd time with no luck. Finally in January of 2005 with the help of Zyban, I kicked the habit.....all was good. My husband quit late that summer as well. Then...he started again(thinking I didn't know-but I could smell it on him every time-or the lingering odour out in the garage after he'd had one- after all, I'm not stupid).
Anyways, I started having one of his the odd time on the weekend with a beer(that would be my excuse-when I'm having a drink, I'll have a smoke). Then, come the new week-I'd be back on the wagon. I had no problem with this. After a few months-started having one with my weekend morning coffee...never bought any, just bummed his.
Well here I am now-the great weather is here. I've started buying and hiding a pack. Every morning after everyone is gone to school and work-I sneak into the backyard with my coffee and have a couple. Come home at lunch and once again sneak a couple in the backyard. He doesn't know this-nobody knows this. It appears though that I seem to have developed a bad habit again over the past couple of weeks.
Granted-I'm not smoking a pack a day like I was-just a couple in the morning, a couple at lunch--but I feel so guilty. I don't want to quit 100% again-I really find it relaxing and enjoyable(other than the guilt factor).
So-do I carry on the deceit, or do I tell him the truth? In all honesty-I don't see how he can say too much-he still smokes. I think he'll be disappointed in me because he was so proud....I'm torn.