Anyone like me....

by Keepitsane 16 Replies latest jw friends

  • Keepitsane

    NOT feeling like there life's been affected that negatively by their involvement with JW's?

    I ask because while I do believe being raised a Jehovahs Witness has probably done me some considerable emotional damage, I still can't imagaine it hurt me anymore (and in a lot of cases I'm sure it did far less damage) than the average non JW upbringing

    I had no debilitating diseases, no broken family, kind and loving parents etc...You get my point though?

    While I clearly don't believe that JW's have the truth I have no problem with them believing it. I think some people have a need to believe in SOMETHING and it fills a space in their life. Hell, I think a lot of them know it wouldn't hold up to close scrutiny but don't want to go too far down that road 'cos then they'll loose a whole bunch of coping mechanisms. I was always a stubborn one and a thinker and as such it reached a point when I was 18 (compounded by personal problems with elders in my congreagtion) where I knew categorically it wasn't true and no longer feared repercussions.

    Anyway, I met some good JW's and some loathsome ones in my time but the same goes the people in my life since and I have been left feeling pleased that I have some sense of spirituality even if I'm very wary of where to direct it!

    The problem is (I hope this isn't offensive to people here but knowing me and my fat mouth it's gonna be!) having read some of the posts I'm left with a little anger towards some of you.

    To deviate for a minute, a friend of mine, previously unflappably happy, went through a fairly bad bout of depression once. When he finally started to recover he explained to me it had been triggered by his brother. His brother had recently had a breakdown and, while undergoing therapy, the therapist had told him that his problems all stemmed from his mother and father. My friend was told this and what his mind absorbed from this was "We have the same parents, if my brothers had a breakdown because of them then I must be completely screwed".

    That's kind of how I felt reading through some of your posts. I feel fine but some of you seem traumatised and/or in need of extensive help or reproramming which in turn makes me wonder if my general happy demeanor is a cover for something far darker going on inside my brainspace. Obviously some of you had far worse experiences than me. It also sounds like some of you like the drama and the whinging.

    I know these kind of comments won't neccesarily ingratiate me to a lot of you but I think it's important to move forwards with your lives and while a little talk can help you get perspective and vent anger, constantly revisitng your past is just plain depressing. The best thing about your past is that it's already happened, OK?

    So, a bit long, unfocussed but those are my intial thoughts. It's still nice to have found a forum populated by people with similar experiences (being a JW did make up 18 years of my life which is still the majority of it ya know!)

  • drew sagan
    drew sagan

    I know where you are coming from. When I first started coming to this forum I was somewhat displeased by some of the members and impressed by others. But I also saw many who where balanced in their ideas and they have kept me coming back.
    I don't think my expierance has been all for loss, nor has it even been that negative. I consider myself lucky. I've learned alot from the entire expierance. I'm a differant person, and I have matured greatly. The JW expierance actually has been one of the single greatest events in my life. From conversion, to full time pioneer and nms, then to a questioning "apostate". It's all been a learning expierance that will never be forgotten.
    With that said, it also has been an odd and crazy expierance as well with lots of wierd stories and tales I will never forget. In time I loosened up a bit and mabyee you will to.

  • james_woods

    Well, that did not sound "screwed up" at all to me...and welcome to you from James.

    I have only been around three or four months, but my observation is that we have pretty much got all kinds here.

    (maybe it doesn't take all kinds, but JWD does seem to have all kinds!!! Ha!)

    However, I don't think there are really that many people here who are going around like walking wounded and blaming the JW experience for everything wrong in their lives. Maybe a few - but mostly there are good people who want to excersize their right to free thought and discuss issues of wrong teachings which are affecting either themselves, others, or family members. I usually see people more concerned about other posters or family members than over themselves. Very few that I would call really bitter crybabies.

    And, yes, a few true nutbars who are holding on to everything watchtower and getting mad if they cannot save us all..

    But, the majority I think are trying to get their heads around the fact they are out of the cult and damn glad to be that way!

    Welcome again, James

  • juni

    Welcome keepitsane to the Board.

    You will always get a listening ear and please post any questions or comments.


  • Why Georgia
    Why Georgia


    Your post sounds like it could be written by my husband...although he and his family have had bad things happen to them because they are/were JW's. He feels mostly he did better than some of his non-jw friends growing up.

    All opinions are available and welcome here.

    Best Regards,


  • fullofdoubtnow

    Hi, and welcome to the forum, I am glad to see you here.

  • greendawn

    You are right it's not good to be too attached to the past but rather one should look forward to the future. But some ex JWs had very traumatic experiences eg shunning by family members including parents even after having served the WTS for many years.

    If the JWs want to believe in myths that's their problem.

  • Brigid

    Dear Keepitsane,

    Welcome!! I always appreciate a balanced view. It seems to come from some of the younger people. Please just know that everyone has their stories colored by their own perspectives. There have been true horrors committed by JWs while condoned and tacitly encouraged from the society. Please also understand that the "Society" has mellowed out---alot!! If I thought I had it bad growing up in the 70's and 80's, it was probably worse in the 40's and 50's. If you came of age in the 90's, it was probably better than the 70's and 80's.

    Anyway, glad you made it through with minimal scar tissue. I do not personally regret my upbringing as a JW, it gave me some good stuff (although probably not in the way that would spin any sort of positive light on the Society), it was very integral to my personal evolution and I like the person I am today--if I had had a fluffy bunny upbringing and good relationship with "God", I'm sure I would not have come as far as I have in my own path.

    Love and Light,


  • Wasanelder Once
    Wasanelder Once


    I remember once when a CO was answering the question of a publisher as to what was countable time in field service, he said; "My usual answer is, you count your time and I'll count mine". I thought that was sage advice. I'm using that reference because we all had it in common. As regards this forum, "I'll relate my experience, you relate yours." We all have different situations. I do believe that those who have been abused would naturally have the tendency to cry out in pain. Some like to howl with them like wolves in a pack. Ultimately I'm not able to determine who's a victim and who's a pack howler. It doesn't matter.

    You're experience is very common I think. I just dont trust religion any longer. Jehovah, if that's who He/it is, is on top of it. Like many householders I spoke to I believe he is in charge no matter what I do. My response is not based on apathy, but on practicality.

    I do not believe there is some darker thing going on with you. You are just fine.


  • delilah

    I think it's important to move forwards with your lives and while a little talk can help you get perspective and vent anger, constantly revisitng your past is just plain depressing. The best thing about your past is that it's already happened, OK?

    Hi and welcome, Keepitsane. You said it, (above), and you're absolutely right. That's why a lot of us are here, to heal, share our stories, and to be understood. Those who feel it depressing, after awhile, move on. Some of us stay, because we've met some good friends here, and we feel we can help new ones, to heal.

    And yes, thank goodness, belonging to the borg, IS in our past.

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