Anyone like me....

by Keepitsane 16 Replies latest jw friends

  • LyinEyes

    Oh yeah , when I first came to this board , when I lost my religion, I realized how much JW hurt me.

    I felt I had to blame something or someone for my misery, and I do think that the JW things really did contribute to alot of the screwed up problems I have had.

    As I have entered the real world,,,,,,,other people who were never JW's, I realized that their religion, what ever it be, their families , etc. etc. ALSO screwed them up. I just think now that no one, regardless of relgion really escapes trauma, there is hardly such a thing as a normal childhoood for anyone anymore. Sad.

  • kid-A

    I agree one always needs perspective and should live in the now. I was raised a JW and emerged relatively sane, successful and balanced.

    Having said that, certain facts about the organization simply cannot be glossed over. We are not merely talking about missing out on birthdays or christmas or any of the bizarre mind control games played on us by the WTS. This organization is responsible for the deaths of thousands of innocent people due to their idiotic blood policies. Prior to that, there were bans on certain medical procedures, vaccines, etc which also likely led to the deaths of many many lied to, manipulated people.

    So, its not about you and its not about me. Its about the victims of this organization. This particular religion is highly unique in its degree of control and deception. Some of us were lucky, some of us were not and lots of those wounded people post here as a means of healing. It is not pleasant seeing these raw open wounds, but what matters is how we help. As for myself, I never felt like a victim because I wasnt. I was just unlucky in that my parents happened to be JWs. I still have excellent relationships with my parents and other JW relatives. Things are great in my life. But when I first started posting here, I certainly never felt anger towards people who were severely hurt by this religion, because I was acutely aware of the potential harm that this religion could do simply by my observations and doing my own research into the history of this organization.

  • PrimateDave

    Yes. I think I am like you in that I don't blame being raised a JW for any major problems in my life. However, there is really no way for me to know how my life would have been different (better or worse) if I had not been a JW.
    In fact, if I may go so far as to say this, if my parents had not been JWs, I wouldn't exist. My mother moved to where the 'need was greater' back in the '60s, and there she met my father. My father's mother learned the 'truth' back in the '50s. She had considered suicide because she was married to an abusive husband (my father's father, who never became a witness) and prayed to God to help her, and the Witnesses knocked on her door. I'm pretty sure that was just a coincidence (crosses fingers), but apparently what the organization taught her helped her to cope somehow, and my grandfather gradually mellowed out over the years before he passed away.
    My parents seem to be quite happy to be Witnesses. My mom is helping in some unassigned territory this week. My dad is an elder, and I know in my heart that he is a good man, possibly a far better man than I may ever be. I love them both very much. They try to stay in touch with my brother and his family. My brother (lucky bastard ;) drifted away years ago. Not DF'd or DA'd. He is a good man. My parents did their best to raise us well.
    An aunt and uncle of mine were baptised in their later years having know 'the truth' for most of their lives. It must be what they need or want. They seem content enough.

    However, this is a forum that provides its members with a degree of anonymity. That protection allows many of us to VENT. Forgive us. We don't have a voice in the organization of JWs. The feelings get pent-up inside us after a while, and they tend to explode. That may indeed seem very off-putting to someone casually browsing the forum, but keep in mind that for some of us this may be our only outlet.

    Anyway, welcome to the forum.

    Dave (still a primate, but I don't need no thought control)

  • itsallgoodnow

    I can relate to some of what you were saying, keepitsane. Revisiting my past experiences and feelings made me angry at first. But that's part of the process of moving on and getting past everything. And as you start to figure things out, being able to put the past in a new perspective is a big part of learning about yourself and preventing yourself from making the same mistakes over and over again.

    You said you have no problem with other people believing in JW teachings. At first, I had a lot of resentment toward JW's believing what they do, but I realize now that everyone is responsible for making their own decisions on what to believe, so I leave that up to them, but I still feel bad for their kids. I think there is so much about that religion that can cause a person to not trust themselves which leads to different types of abuses. Some people probably naturally have stronger self-assurance that protects them from a lot of things that would destroy someone else.

    Some people need someone to talk to about this stuff. I know I did at first, and it was such a relief to find out I wasn't the only person with these feelings and experiences. That's part of what this board is for.

    This isn't the first "get over yourself" message I've seen here and it isn't going to be the last. Most people probably won't even bother to respond to such threads, but for some reason I thought your post was maybe a little different.

    I hope everything stays sane for you and welcome to JWD.

  • Keepitsane

    Well,obviously I didn't mean any of you folks!

    Seriously though, thanks all for the warm welcome. I really am appreciative you didn't judge me too harshly on my initial message, I do have a habit of shooting my mouth off and just scanning messages on this forum had made me curious (because it was incredible to have so many people in one place with experiences I've never really been able to discuss before) and, at the same time, somewhat angry.

    I want to clarify that my anger wasn't directed at anyone specific. I think I was channeling my stoic but deeply unsympathetic and intollerant grandmother for some of that first post! I do have a problem with people who complain unnecesarily and at length (That's just me I'm afraid) but mainly what I was angry about was the way some of the comments ( and it was a minority) made me feel about myself .I was hoping explaining my friends situation with his depression might give you a little insight in to what I was banging on about.

    Nor was it meant to be some condescending message to all of you to "get over it" (although I think on every forum of this kind there will be a small but vocal group of attention seekers and drama queens who really should just get over themselves, I mean do they really...OK, really gotta learn to self censor if I'm gonna be posting here!).) I mean, most of you have just shown yourselves to be more reasonable, compassionate and articulate people than me. Your replies were all very much appreciated and I understand the need to vent and discuss shared experiences with anonymity from time to time.

    I do have concerns about certain forums allowing people to wallow in their chosen role as "victim" indefinitely by constantly dwelling on bad things that happened but, having heard from several of you, it would seem it doesn't have to be that way

    Anyways, it's nice to make your aquaintances. Thanks again for chatting and I hope to speak to at least some of you all sometime soon

  • sinamongurl
    Anyway, I met some good JW's and some loathsome ones in my time but the same goes the people in my life since and I have been left feeling pleased that I have some sense of spirituality even if I'm very wary of where to direct it!

    well.....i would have to say that being a witness has made me what i am today.....i am honest, loving, and not into gossip....however i have a very overactive libido, which is what got me in trouble in the first place.

    i am not a whiner and living in my past.....i just have alot emotional/spiritual issues with being thrown out of the organization that i have found a place where ppl are like-minded and can help me answer my various questions without feeling like i am going to die at every moment...

    i vacillate from wondering if i will die at armageddon to i am fine, i believe in god and he loves is a constant healing


  • kazar

    Welcome, keepitsane. Hope you stay. I am looking forward to your future posts.

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