Did you use to shun family members or friends? (page 2)

Forscher

You probably won't believe this, but no, I didn't.
During my time in the bOrg two relatives and one friend were shunned by the congregation. One was a sibling who'd only been baptised for six months when they were Df'd on the strength of rumors circulated by the elders themselves. Naturally I didn't shun the sibling. However, we did keep our contact reduced mutually for my protection for the twenty years that sibling was Df'd. That sibling is back in the bOrg and would probably shun me in a heartbeat if or when I get officially booted.
The other relative was a child in the family and that is another story I'll tell eventually. I didn't cut-off all contact with the friend who was Df'd quite legitimately, though I didn't openly pal around with him either. Niether did I do all the spiteful little things I've seen and read about either. I was polite to him whenever we encountered one another and when he was reinstated he told me that he was very appreciative of the way I treated him.
Since I began my fade, I've also tried to be polite to several others I know to be Df'd. Two of them cut-off contact with me when they found out I knew they were Df'd. However, the last time I saw them they needed help and I told them that I would by no means let their status with the bOrg stop me from helping them if they need it. So I don't have that baggage to worry about.
Forscher

greendawn

I never had the opportunity since none of my friends or relatives got D'Fed before i D'Aed but my feeling is that I wouldn't have shunned them.

Fleshybirdfodder

Sad to say, yes. I was terrified of those evil people. Now I feel so ashamed.

lovelylil

If no one was around I would say hello and ask them how they were doing. If people were around I would wink at them to say hello silently. If they had a small child with them, I would speak through the child to the parent. I got caught once though and was told this was not appropriate when I tried to justify it by saying the child was not disfellowshiped.

gumby

I was in a horrible situation once. I was an elder at the time.

My wife and I were going to stay at my mom and dads home the following weekend to visit. My mom had told me there was a possibility my DFed sister and hubby might show up but she wasn't sure. The CO was visiting our hall the week before we were going to my moms...so I asked him what he thought we should do if my DFed sister showed.

He said "I'd get my suitcase and leave immediately".

I was terrified the next weekend when we arrived she would show and I'd have to make a scene and leave. She never showed. My point is....the degree we were willing to sink had that happened.

Yes, I shunned my sis many years because she was disfellowshipped for wearing a cross and celebrating birthdays. Today, this sis is dub free and we are close once again.

Gumby

stevenyc

If anyone has seen the movie 'Lord of the Rings' when Gollum is arguing with himself, well that was me as a teenager knowing I couldn't see my sister.

I was disgusted in being related to an unrepentant sinner who turned her back on the society, and at the same time upset because I love my sister so much, I knew it was wrong to ostrasise her.

Let's call it another ingredient in screwing my head up.

steve

IP_SEC

Have you since re-established contact with them?

Yes

What was that like?

wonderful, they were all very forgiving.

Satanus

Yes, my dad. He was dfd for taking off w another woman. I shunned him for many yrs, and even after i got dfd, we didn;t get along that good. I had a lot of anger towards him because he used to treat us really bad, especially during his last yrs as a jw. I worked through the anger, and a few yrs ago, realised that i loved him. I visited him last yr. I forgave him, and he me. I'm afraid of the day that he will die and be gone.

S

Balsam

I tell you we all ate humble pie big time when we came out and ran into those who we had shunned or contacted. I have never felt so ashamed of any action in my life like I did for shunning those JW's who had been disf'ed or disass'ed. I apologized profusedly, and so far as I know they forgave me my blind faith and ignorance.

sass_my_frass

Have you since re-established contact with them? What was that like?

One mate only; all others I've lost contacts for. We're great mates, have substituted each other's lost brother/sister. He was pretty good about it and as he's moved on by a few years, is great to be able to have contact with.

I wonder if the act of shunning someone you love actually strengthens your resolve that you're following the "right" course.

No question in my mind: "It must be the truth or it wouldn't be so hard. I follow the narrow path..." One darling friend; df'd twice. I once visited her mum and she was in the same room. I was talking to her mum, and pretending she was invisible, and came away thinking 'wasn't that weird'. She was reinstated, shuns me now. Really only one of a handful I miss.

Did you use to shun family members or friends?

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