Lol no! But I do have to remind myself that getting physical doesn't require a deep emotional commitment first. As I was talking with my flatmate I also realised I do have a lot of internalised anger/sadness about it the deceit too.
Do you think a JW childhood is abusive?
by Konrad West 66 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse
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dilaceratus
<div>I am always surprised that those who grew up among Jehovah's Witnesses seem to miss the most warping and detrimental aspect of their upbringing. There are many isolated subgroups (by choice or otherwise) that one might compare a Witness childhood with: other fundamentalist sects, political extremists, those living under authoritarian, patriarchical regimes, or even alcoholic or otherwise mentally ill families. That this sort of lifestyle is corrosive to a child's development is true, but not exceptional to Jehovah's Witnesses.
What I take to be the most pervasive, and the most tragic, result of being raised among Jehovah's Witnesses is a complete inability to understand not just the value of, but even the definition of, honesty. On many different levels, Jehovah's Witnesses and their children are liars-- not only institutionally, as a group, and intellectually, as a movement, but individually, on a personal level. The automatic and semi-automatic authoritative stating (proselytizing, even) of facts and promises which are not only improbable, but not even the result of one's own imagination and reasonings is to live a false life (1).
As a result, the children of Jehovah's Witnesses are not only isolated from other models of truthfulness (the logic inherent to the sciences, or other sustained pursuits), but have a faulty, defective model of honesty at home and in the social circle they are allowed. Beyond that, the religious organization that offers the final authority to their actions is not only grossly dishonest, but trumpets its own dishonesty without shame.
Only adding to the dismal nature of this inherent dishonesty (since lies and lying can, of course, be great and stimulating) is the utter suburban drudgery and night-school literalism Jehovah's Witnesses bring to their made-up world. Even their most ridiculous notions-- such as the lives of billions of people hanging in the balance as a few lawyers suffered drafts and poor food while imprisoned for a few months nearly one hundred years ago-- are just pitiful compared to say, the gaudy fun of Hindu cosmology or Catholic architecture.
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(1) To believe that this playacting an interchangeable role is the best part of you is too sad to speak of.</div> -
free2beme
I had a great childhood and do not erase those good memories to try and convince myself that it was all bad because of a religion. I think as Americans, we forget how crappy other people's childhoods are in third world countries or how it was in the past. We want it to be some perfect childhood and if it was possible to be perfect without the Witness religion, then why is the rest of the world not looking like the perfect life? There is no perfect childhood, but dwelling only on the negative is going to make it seem far worse then it was. My parents loved me, still do, and that is all that mattered as a kid.
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plmkrzy
we are all liars
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Robdar
Speak for yourself, Dilaceratus.
Welcome to JWD.
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lisaBObeesa
We can always find someone who had a worse childhood, or a religion that is more damaging. But that does not change the fact that being raised as an active JW is abusive. And that is not to say I didn't have good things in my childhood. I would say being raised a JW had very little ill effect on me at all from birth up to say, age 14. But going through those teen years with true believer parents was not fun. My parents were not radical JWs. My dad was not an elder, but he was an active MS. I thought my mom was a pretty balanced person. But like 99% of most other JW teens, I could not have friends of my choosing, I could not participate in sports, dances, or after school activities. I could not ask questions. I could not choose not to be a JW. I could not even THINK about not being a JW. No biggie, right? Well, it was for me. And I could not get free because if I did, I would loose my entire family. That, my friends, is abusive. I was really, really messed up and stressed out...yes, more than the average teen. Looking back now I see I was in real trouble. I am lucky I made it though without something very bad happening. In the end, I was ready to loose my family so that I could be free and not die inside. When I left, I said goodbye to them all like I was never going to see them again. It was horrible, and I am crying right now thinking of that moment. That is just abusive and horrible to do to a kid! (It turns out they didn't shun me. That is nice, but the damage was already done.) And yeah, little kids in third world countries have it more difficult and Amish kids are S.O.L, but my pain is real and it STILL hurts. And I think I had it easy compared to most of the JW kids I knew.
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lisaBObeesa
PS: How do you use firefox and get paragraphs? Anyone?
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LDH
What I take to be the most pervasive, and the most tragic, result of being raised among Jehovah's Witnesses is a complete inability to understand not just the value of, but even the definition of, honesty. On many different levels, Jehovah's Witnesses and their children are liars-- not only institutionally, as a group, and intellectually, as a movement, but individually, on a personal level. The automatic and semi-automatic authoritative stating (proselytizing, even) of facts and promises which are not only improbable, but not even the result of one's own imagination and reasonings is to live a false life (1).
Very powerful statement and very true. I would imagine that if the lot of them were psychologically tested they would be defined as sociopaths, or having no conscience. The circular and specious reasoning they use does not stand up to the test of true scholars, so they lie about the source of that, too.
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franklin J
I can only reflect on my childhood in response.
Yes, it was pyschologically abusive.
Despite loving parents and an extended family ( in the truth) it was trial by fire to be placed in a secular school everyday --"the world"-- and to be taught that you could not participate; that you were going to be ridiculed ---"in the name of Jehovah" ( whatever THAT meant) and you were going to LIVE FOREVER and all of these bad kids will die at armageddon.... is a terrible thing to teach a child.
Children find comfort in uniformity; being just like the other kids; they like to feel that they belong ( kid things---not the drug culture or bad peer pressure). To take a child and force them to be different from their peers; and to force them to stay in that situation ( there are no JW schools as the Catholics who have their own school system) is cruel . Exposure to secular acitivities; but not being allowed to participate; ( "Wordly activities, lets go out in service instead) no exposure to any child , person or event that was not Jehovahs Witness related was like growing up in a vacuum; and severely limiting to any personal or cultural growth.
I was known as the kid who did not salute the flag; who went to the library for any birthday or Christmas parties; the kid who went "selling things" door to door; and did not play with anyone. It was not a fun childhood; despite any fellow JW friends I might have had. The first thing I was taught to tell my teacher was" Its against my religion to salute the flag".
In hindsight, the teachers were all supportive; and kind. My peers, however, were not so kind
At a recent 30 year high school reunion; one old classmate said to me " I knew you were different; but I did not know why; you were never part of anything". How true; how sad. Much was lost in those years. And I have the comparison of my own children who have been going through school very well adjusted with many friends and participating in many activities.
It took several years of therapy to replace all of those terrible years. However, POST JEHOVAH WITNESS, there have been many, many good experiences over the years to replace such a stinted Jehovahs Witness childhood .
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Axelspeed
dilaceratus ...there is little I could add as much of what you said says it all. Many of us lived a life so full of pretense on so many levels, some of it unconsciously, that dishonesty became natural. Even being dishonest with ourselves.
To believe that this playacting an interchangeable role is the best part of you is too sad to speak of.
Believing that its not necessary to playact, and breaking the cycle and inclination to playact through life is one of the biggest inward battles...even though we desperately want to live authentic lives.
Some who really tried to live the jw life, need a nudge to really believe that their authentic parts really are their best parts.
Axel