A Friend Needs Advice and Help--NOW!!!!

whyizit

A good friend of mine is a former JW. She is married to an active JW and her children are still JWs. Her husband has demanded that they discuss why she is no longer willing to go to meetings, etc... She is wondering what subject would be the best to approach him with first. She has a lot of literature, but fears he will consider it apostate. She is also concerner that if she shows this literature to him, that he may report her to the elders and their marriage will be strained even further. However, she wants to be honest with him about her findings and why she no longer believes that the WTS is in the truth.

Her husband demanded that they discuss this over the weekend. Do you have any suggestions or tips on what would be best to approach him with, and what to avoid? Should she stick to one subject? What do you think would be the best to approach him with, keeping in mind that he is active and in a descent position in his congregation?

candidlynuts

does she have any personal gripes about the congregation?

lack of love? repetitive talks? the way women are treated? reaching him on a personal level may be most effective.

some i know use the generation change and the change in the front page of the awake (where it used to say generation of 1914 and now it just says the end is coming soon or something like that)...

mainly, staying calm, talking about the things that bother her personally will be the most effective.

Mary

That's a tough call. Sounds like her husband is hard core so yes, she has to tread carefully. Without mentioning anything "apostate", maybe she approach the subject by saying something like she feels depressed that the New System isn't here yet and she finds it very discouraging that after 130 years of being told "it's right around the corner", it's still not here. She could also say that she finds it very discouraging that no matter how much you do (5 meetings a week plus service, plus studying), it's never enough and the flock is constantly being put down for not doing more. She could point out that there's a reason why there's very little increase now, and maybe it's because the brothers and sisters are very discouraged.

That way, she's made a couple of valid points without specifically mentioning what assholes the GB are, and she hasn't mentioned the internet, apostate literature or "bad influence" either.........See where it goes from there.............

AuldSoul

If she wants to discuss doctrine, it is better to address something for which the elders have no scripted comeback. The Mediatorship of Christ is big (they say "only for the anointed" the Bible and history says "for all"), the way the spirit teaches is big (they say "organizationally" the Bible says "individually"), the secrecy of discipline and reproof (they say "protects the accused" the Bible says "if it needs correction by the congregation, do it before everyone"). If you need more on any of these, let me know.

If she wants to discuss lacks that she feels, candidlynuts hit the nail on the head. Where is the love?

Or she could plead intense depression...it may even be true.

Respectfully,
AuldSoul

seek2find

Your freind is in a position similiar to my own. I hope for her sake she's not in as deep as me. If she still considers herself a Christian, I think using John 14:6 would be the best route. Have her ask him if he sees any Orginazation in that scripture. Ask him if he could in good conscience re-translate it to say "I (and the Watchtower Society) am the way the truth and the life"? Just a thought. seek2find

undercover

It seems to be so much tougher for women to try to fade than men when a spouse remains faithful to the WTS. I guess it's that whole headship thing.

If he's a true blue dub (TBD...with apologies to the ex-mormons) she may need to stick to WT publications and the controversies in them. If she can print out copies of the early days where they claimed that Jesus returned in 1874, Armageddon was due in 1914, 1915, 1918, 1925 and other wacky ideas from those days it might, might cause him to pause enough to at least realize that she's not just being rebellious, but has actual concerns.

In any case, she will not win him over in a weekend. Won't happen. She has to tread lightly, remain calm, don't let emotions overrule logic and stick to just one or two main points.

Best case scenerio, he sees that she has a point and allows her freedom to question while he continues to remain faithful. Worst case scenerio, he 'forbids' her from her 'apostate' thinking and involves the elders which can lead to a lot of trouble. If he really loves her, he's gonna waffle some before he calls in the elders. If he's so low as to turn her in to the elders for questioning, maybe she's better off to let him make an ass of himself and she can get a nice divorce settlement, alimony and child support.

TheListener

Generic may be the way to play this.

If she gets specific he can keep coming up with counter arguments and she'll find herself fighting from a negative position.

Realistically she doesn't have to prove her un-faith to him. Each individual is responsible before God for themselves.

Perhaps she could start by saying (if it's true) that her faith in God and Jesus ransom sacrifice is as strong as ever, in fact stronger even. She could follow that up with that she has found some doctrines that made her feel uncomfortable and upon further research and study she realized that some things that the society is dogmatic about - well, they shouldn't be.

By putting the blame squarely on the dogmatism of the society she can take the pressure off of discussing several doctrinal errors for which he may be more prepared than her.

However,

If he just pushes the point and wants to discuss specific doctrinal issues; she should be prepared with two or three that she's bothered by and prepared to discuss.

Just thinking about her situation is stressing me out!!

Balsam

She'll be in deep trouble if she discusses this with him. She needs to avoid confrontation with him at all cost unless she is ready for her marriage to end. There is nothing that will end it quicker than adultery than a JW thinking their married to an apostate. She needs to keep her thoughts to herself and do not discuss it with her husband. He is only reason for wanting to discuss it is to straighten her out. He will quickly turn her into the elders more than likely.

TheListener

Balsam makes a good point.

She could just say that she's confused right now and isn't willing to talk about any specifics. Period!

Maybe she could say something like this:

"We're all responsible to Jehovah for our own salvation and right now some things are confusing me. If I want help reviewing information or find anything I want to share you'll be the first to know."

bebu

Well, I think it can be discussed. But I think that she should let him know that she is open to hearing any good answers he can find. If she plays the role of wanting more info to shore up her faith in the WTS, shouldn't he be ready to give the answers/defense she needs? I think that asking her husband to be helper/teacher/researcher will help.

I think one of the easier roads is to ask about the 607 date. One doesn't have to go to an apostate site--simply researching the "destruction of Jerusalem" will show the problem. All encyclopedias and museums and the Jews themselves are agreed upon 586-87-ish, but the JWs stand alone with 607. Using alleymom's KISS method (can't find that thread at the moment, but it's a gem), even the WTS's writings prove the 586 date.

I have been able to convince people to read things they normally would never even touch this way.

bebu

A Friend Needs Advice and Help--NOW!!!!

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