Dealing with guilt and your own self perception

by Satans little helper 15 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Satans little helper

  thanks for the kind words everyone.

  Rachel - Hi, it's been a while, I hope you and yours are well.

  Essie, I have got a copy of Toxic Parents on the shelf behind me, I bought it to give to my kid sister before we left the UK but it got packed and I am yet to open the cover. Did therapy really help? I have thought about seeing someone for several years, I was brought up to be emotionally stunted and to believe that hitting people got them to do what you wanted. I guess I have some unresolved baggage that I want to take care of before the kids come along so that I don't make the same mistakes (I want to make a whole load of my own original mistakes, lol)

  I had a breakthrough this week, I prayed for the first time in years and it was a great comfort. Now I prayed in the same way I had when I was a JW, even using the name Jehovah but making the prayer sincere but conversational in nature. I know that god in whatever form he takes can hear the intent of my prayer regardless of the format or the context. I feel that it is unlikely that I will ever follow a Christian path ever again because of what I see as the controlling and factually inaccurate elements of this but I am drawn to Paganism, Buddhism and nature in general, perhaps I should worship Poseidon as my god because I feel at my most tranquil when I am beside the sea. I am yet to work out where my spiritual path lies but at least now I can accept that I believe in god in some form without feeling like there is an axe hanging over my head

  Steve
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  anewme

  Really nice post SIL! Too bad you dont post anymore. I like your thoughts and where you are at in the healing process. Too many people leave and go away from here when they could have such a calming effect on the rest of us if they posted every now and then.
  
  Best wishes to you and your wife on your new adventure.
  
  From reading your posted thoughts, I can tell you are going to be fine from now on.
  
  Nice to meet you,
  
  
  Anewme
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  CincinnatiKid

  Hello everone,

  This is my first post on this site. Here goes...

  I left the org about 3yrs ago and and have been working since trying to reintroduce myself into the world. I've been in therapy for the last 21/2 years and I have to say that it was the best thing I've ever done. Getting an un-biased third party to talk to is a good way to put things into prospective. This person also put the large guilt and fear I've was feeling into perspective as well.

  It took a while for me to realize that I needed the help of someone outside to get past these issues. I was in the organization for my entire life and finally deciding to leave left me feeling so depressed and disconnected from everything in the world. I didn't have friends outside of the church and my friends inside the church decided to leave me so it was pretty hard, as you can imagine. I knew i had hit rock bottom when i would be out in a shopping mall and grocery store and see a JW I knew from accross the store and would leave everything right there and leave the store immediately. I was so scared to talk to anyone. I found a therapist that was a great listener and really helped me put my guilt and fear in to prospective.

  I learned to sit down and think and keep asking myself "Is the fear or guilt I feal rational?" Guilt is a way of your mind telling you that you're doing something wrong, but it helps to realize that it is an "emotion" tool and not a "reason" tool. The first time I celebrated a birthday, I felt so guilty. But after thinking it through I reasoned that people are not worshiping me, they are showing their appreciation for me being alive and it was good to know that so many people still loved me. The first time I skipped the memorial, I felt so guilty that I wasn't following Jesus' commandments, but them I reasoned and researched and found that those weren't Jesus' words anyway, they were added by scribes some time in the middle ages. After a while of reasoning why your guilt is unfounded it will eventually diminish and go away.

  I read a book that some of you might have heard of: "Leaving the Fold" by Marlene Winell. It doesn't deal specifically with leaving JW (hows or whys) but is a general book on how to cope with leaving your faith, how to recongnize general manipulation tactics of christian societies and how to reintroduce yourself into the world. I would say it is a definite read.

  I'm glad I found this site and I hope to converse with you more in the future.

  Charles
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  serendipity

  Hi Charles, welcome to the forum!
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  Carmel

  Personally I think the whole "original sin" crap is to blame. The JWs have perfected the use of this twisted doctrin by weaving it into the fear and dread that is their pablum.

  carmel
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  sass_my_frass

  Yeah I agree. I think that IfTheresAGod is far bigger than that. Too big for us even to work out. Too big to care what we think of it or how we worship. And far bigger than the one described as a judge.