Sometimes the truth and the right thing are worth a drama fest. Don't worry about causing a scene. If you let her get off, she'll keep doing it--probably will anyway. She is the problem, not you. Theft is a direct attack on YOU. She is not your friend.
vent time....friends who steal
by lucifer 18 Replies latest jw friends
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Finally-Free
Dump her ASAP! She's no friend, and just associating with someone like that can really screw up your life. I did a brief stint in jail for a crime I didn't commit - it was a "friend" that did it - and I just happened to be seen with him the same night. It was enough.
W
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love2Bworldly
People who steal or lie really annoy me! I am married to someone who lies and his son lies, and I'm ready to divorce him. I really just cannot stand dishonest people who want to take advantage of me or other people.
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Mr. Rebel8
Hmm... seeing has how you both must be about the same size (she's wearing your shirts), "borrow" some of her clothes without asking. She may not like it, but fact is, she set the ground rules for your friendship. The problem with dealing with people who "don't play by the rules" when we do is that they have no sense of guilt for their actions (stealing, lying). Assuming you aren't going to press charges for her stealing your stuff, the only way justice may be truly served ("eye for an eye" theory) is to return the favor. Quid pro quo. Tit for tat (no pun intended).
Her actions are apparently "OK" to her. Therefore, how can she object to you returning the favor? Now maybe my suggestion may offend the "God fearing" amonst us, but if there is any chance of your friend learning any lesson here, you need to dish it back. Friendships that last are based on a relationship of equality. You do them a favor, you expect them to return the favor when you need it. You let them borrow money (and I NEVER advise this!), you expect them to pay you back, as well as let you borrow money when you need it. And you pay it back. They borrow your shirt without asking, return the favor.
Just my opinion.
P.C.
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poodlehead
The way I look at it is. You got to find out this person wasn't your friend and it only cost you the price of a shirt! You got of lucky. I have spent 15 years with Women who I thought were my friends, till you need them and BAM, guess what they are NOT your friend. But if you insist on trying to make this person a friend. (that I don't know why) Then I would do the following. Get all your friends together at one time to confront her. Go to her sit her down lovingly and tell her how concerned you are about her behavior and lack of care for her friends. Try to get her to confess and get some mental help. It sure sounds like she needs it. If she refuses then let her know party time is over. Between her and all the others. But at any time if she would like to have someone to talk to, you are there for her. But nothing else. Especially to have her over, go out with ..etc.
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fairchild
I very much agree with poodlehead's suggestion. Why not have her sit down and have an open talk with her, you and your other friends. If you really think that she is a friend, then perhaps she is a friend indeed. Although in my opinion there is no excuse for stealing at all, you do need to consider that some people are cleptomaniacs and just can't help themselves. They have to steal something. They can be cured given the right amount of therapy (I think).
It doesn't make sense that she would steal a shirt, something so obvious and something she might never be able to wear it as you would recognize it. I too have a friend who steals and I hate to even think of it. In her opinion, it is not wrong. She'll go to a newspaper stand, you know, those automatic ones. You put in a coin, open the little door and take out a paper. She'll put a coin in there and take 4 papers. What on earth can you do with 4 exactly the same papers, other than throwing them in the recycling after you have read the first one?
But I also need to urge you to be careful. When it walks like a duck and talks like a duck then it is most likely a duck, but not always.. everything might point exactly in her direction, loud and clear, but there will always be a shadow of doubt. I remember quite a few years ago when I was still performing magic shows for a living. One day I was sitting on the kitchen table, practicing a coin trick. It is called the scotch routine and involves a series of very expensive tricked coins. As I was practicing this routine, a friend magician stopped by. I made some tea, we talked for a while, and after he left I went back to the table, intending to practice some more. Wouldn't you know it, the *expensive* trick coins were gone. I looked on the floor, looked everywhere and practically tore my kitchen apart, but I could not find them. Since my magician friend was the only one who had been in the house, I was convinced that he had stolen the coins. After all, they are a major asset to a magician. I found the coins in a very unlikey spot almost a year later. To this day I have no idea how they ended up there, no idea at all. But all this time I had been convinced that this person had stolen my coins, and he had not taken a thing from me.
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Lapuce
My mother in law steals our money out of our wallets, even of her own children....m now that is real sad...
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sass_my_frass
Nup, not a friend. Confront her, and if she can't handle it, dump her.
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Crumpet
Fairchild - I liked that story about the magician friend!
Lucifer if she has denied the theft when confronted then there really is no helping her. If she loses you as a friend which she should - possibly she'll think twice about stealing and lying from future friends.