Oh gods, what have I done?

by daystar 36 Replies latest social relationships

  • diamondblue1974
    diamondblue1974

    What actually stands in her favour is that she has been honest with you so far; on your first date she has said that shes engaged but not happy and that she isnt physically 'with' her fiance.

    Of course this could be complete bollocks and it could be her way of keeping you onside while she decides what is best for her but in either breath if you feel that connection with her then you should at least give it chance to work; You are right to be sceptical and you need to ask yourself whether or not you can accept that she may still sleep in the same bed as her fiance. You also need to consider the possibility that she is also not engaged but married as my understanding of the mormon faith is that they also do not allow sex before marriage let alone living in sin. (I could be wrong here but perhaps a poster of LDS background could give some input).

    I would suggest as someone else already has...that you should sit on your hands for a while and let her make the decisions she needs to. Be there for her...but strictly as friends until she has made the move; give her a reason to make the move and give her the incentive but dont let her taste the goods beforehand.

    You also need to face the possibility that her decision might not be the right one for you...and if you get too emotionally involved at this stage, this will hurt like hell. Take it from somebody who knows and who has been exactly where you have been and had the exact same words said to them too!

    DB74

  • luna2
    luna2
    Clearly you haven't ignored her enough to make her feel insecure enough to seek your interest. :D

    LOL @ sass! Perfect.

  • daystar
    daystar

    Hey guys! Thanks for the responses.

    As it turns out, I made the right decision to both back off emotionally, but also to tell her how I had been feeling.

    It took her nearly a week to respond back to me, but when she did she was very appreciative of my honesty and decided to come completely (??) clean with me. She decided to try to make it work with her fiancee. She said that she admitted to him that she'd been unfaithful and that he had been understanding (who is this guy? ) and still wanted to work things out.

    Of course, I'm fine with that, and I told her as much, and wished her luck. I then thanked her for awakening what she had in me, and allowing me to see that I'm not dead inside. You see, I've dated probably half a dozen or so women in the past 2 years, none of them exclusively, and not one managed to ignite anything more than feelings of friendship and, admittedly, lust. But none of the excitement at seeing them or simply in hearing their voices.

    I want to be with someone who makes my eyes light up and my heart race when I see that they're calling me, and when we're near, I can't take my eyes off of them... I guess I'm still a romantic that way... thank god!

  • diamondblue1974
    diamondblue1974
    I want to be with someone who makes my eyes light up and my heart race when I see that they're calling me, and when we're near, I can't take my eyes off of them... I guess I'm still a romantic that way... thank god!

    Glad its been resolved and that you can hopefully still remain friends. I respect what you say above, why settle for second best!

    Db74

  • daystar
    daystar
    Glad its been resolved and that you can hopefully still remain friends

    I told her as much, but I wouldn't expect that to happen. How many guys would appreciate their wife remaining in contact with the guy they cheated on him with when they were engaged?

    Hey, but no worries. Like I said, it was a good experience as far as I'm concerned. And while one can rarely have too many friends, I'm certainly not lacking in that department.

  • Dr Jekyll
    Dr Jekyll
    Now, I'm not asking for advice here exactly. I know that I'm going to have to, ultimately, back it off. I'm going to have to let her make up with, or break it off with, her fiance. It's not right, and it's not honorable for me to do otherwise.

    My hats off to the man.

  • Frog
    Frog
    I want to be with someone who makes my eyes light up and my heart race when I see that they're calling me, and when we're near, I can't take my eyes off of them... I guess I'm still a romantic that way... thank god!

    Heya Daystar, I totally respect the perspective you have on your situation :)...it's all to easy for people to allow themselves to become jaded or cynical in such a circumstance...but it makes you the better person, I think, if you can stand back & see things for what they are...cos at the end of the day I don't believe that there really are that many of us who intentionally inflict harm or inner conflict on another...

    moving on though...i think we should meet! hehe ...but alas froggy had no tadpoles of her own to meet the requirment of comparative perspective value :( hehe!! luv froggy x

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