Oh gods, what have I done?

by daystar 36 Replies latest social relationships

  • daystar
    daystar

    I mentioned here a bit over a week ago that I met a woman that had rather knocked my socks off - http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/111807/1.ashx

    Well, we went out on an actual date last Friday. We had problems getting in contact with each other before then until finally I just asked her out on Fri. She said absolutely "Yes!" and seemed quite excited about it. But, she said she needed to talk with me about her "situation", face-to-face. *alarm bells!*

    We were both nervous when we met at the restaurant. She looked beautiful and as she walked in, my heart did a little flip. (What?! Argh! get ahold of yourself man!) She kept playing with her hair as we sat and enjoyed some small talk at first. The nervousness lasted all of about a minute as we just started talking about everything. Our body-language was very warm. Eye-contact remained throughout. We smiled, leaned into each other across the table. We laughed. We were surprised that we had so much in common. It was, to say the least, one of the more enjoyable dates I've ever had.

    I find that she is a paralegal. I find that her father is the president of a motorcycle club for ex-law enforcement and feds, so no outlaws to worry about.

    I find out that she is living with a man she was engaged to. (This man has a Mormon background.) I think they may be technically still engaged, but she says that she is not in love with him and has even told him so. His response was essentially, "So?" She is obviously not entirely happy. She says they have not even slept in the same room for some time.

    She could be lying or coloring the facts a bit, but I don't yet have any reason not to believe her. But I'm no idiot either. I'm keeping my eyes and my mind open.

    But, when I'm around her, I feel things I haven't felt in many, many years. A friend that saw us out Friday said I was glowing. Our conversation just flowed naturally and it was like meeting up with an old love after many years.

    But the next day, things rather went back to the way things had been. We just keep missing each other, it seems. She asks me to call. I do, but she doesn't answer. She returns the call with a text message asking me to call her later. I do, but no answer. She calls me around lunchtime yesterday and we do talk for a couple of minutes, but she was picking up her son from school and so had to let me go. She says she'll call me later. She never does.

    Mixed messages? Yes.

    So, I took a risk today and sent her an email explaining that I was quite twitterpated by her and that it was driving me nuts that we had such a hard time getting in contact with each other; that it's my experience that when someone is interested in someone else, they make time. I won't repeat the entire email here, but I went on that it really is okay though. She is busy with business, house, kid and her, you know, fiance. Which, BTW, also has me on edge. I, as a rule, never involve myself with someone who is already otherwise involved. But, she had said she was not married in the beginning, which is technically true, I suppose, and also, what's done is done.

    Ah, what a bit of a little mess I find myself in here. I haven't met a woman that makes me feel like she does in probably seven or eight years... not even remotely. And yet, I receive mixed messages and she is, again, still technically engaged.

    Now, I'm not asking for advice here exactly. I know that I'm going to have to, ultimately, back it off. I'm going to have to let her make up with, or break it off with, her fiance. It's not right, and it's not honorable for me to do otherwise. But, this woman... I cannot get her off of my mind.

    You guys have to understand that she is this blond, blue-eyed bombshell, complete with a sort of Marilyn Monroe voice... that is not that big of a deal. But she is intelligent as well, and funny, and charming, and very sweet... So far for me, she seems to have the complete package.

    Argh! What a hard decision to make, but make it I must.

  • jgnat
    jgnat

    It seems to me that SHE hasn't made up her mind. Remember she's been burned. Some ladies just don't get over that and never do enter another serious relationship.

    I'd wait a couple of days and give her a "when you're ready" message. Then sit on your hands. For six months tops. Then say, "It was one of the best dates of my life, sob, goodbye."

  • kid-A
    kid-A

    A wise decision. You dont want this kind of drama in your life. Whenever there is a third party still in the picture, its always bad news....

  • Buster
    Buster

    Sure she's intelligent. She's playing you for all your worth.

    Let me summarize: she's engaged, living with the fiance, has a kid?

    Don't you have serious doubts about a woman that would allow this kind of turmoil into her child's life? And you're thinking of adding to it?

    Don't be too thrilled with that 'hot as a pistol' babe you got goin' there. There is nothing but heartache and an empty wallet at the end of that road.

  • daystar
    daystar
    Sure she's intelligent. She's playing you for all your worth.

    Let me summarize: she's engaged, living with the fiance, has a kid?

    Don't you have serious doubts about a woman that would allow this kind of turmoil into her child's life? And you're thinking of adding to it?

    Don't be too thrilled with that 'hot as a pistol' babe you got goin' there. There is nothing but heartache and an empty wallet at the end of that road.

    Buster, I think you may be projecting a bit, though I appreciate the perspective. I make a modest living, but there is nothing that she can get her hands on. And of course I have doubts. I thought that should be apparent.

    Thanks for the input.

  • daystar
    daystar

    jgnat

    It seems to me that SHE hasn't made up her mind.; Remember she's been burned. Some ladies just don't get over that and never do enter another serious relationship.

    I'd wait a couple of days and give her a "when you're ready" message.Then sit on your hands.; For six months tops. Then say, "It was one of the best dates of my life, sob, goodbye."

    Good points all. She has been divorced four years; was married for ten before that. Thanks for the suggestion. I take your counsel seriously and I may just do this!

  • bikerchic
    bikerchic


    Ditto what Buster said!

    I'll add fwiw it's never a good idea to hook up with some one who jumps from one relationship into another so fast. What was her history with the father of her child? Did she hook up with fiancés immediately after that one failed.

    But she is intelligent as well, and funny, and charming, and very sweet... So far for me, she seems to have the complete package.

    Brains, looks and charm doesn't equal stability. Complete package? Guess if you aren't looking for someone who is stable and available. IMHO the rest of her life until her kid is grown and out shouldn't be divided by her love life. Her child deserves to be priority. And in all honesty don't you deserve a woman who isn't subdivided with children to tend to?

    (((daystar))) there's a great big ocean out there and lots of other fish in the sea, don't be so desperate to settle for the first one that catches your eye.

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    Alarm bells should be keeping you in some state of self protection.

    • So if it is over with the ex, why are they still together?
    • Is he the father of the child?
    • Is she staying with him because he is her meal ticket?
    • Is she lining up the next meal ticket before she leaves this one?
    • And if it is over with the ex does he know she is dating other people?
    • Does she have plans to move out on her own or is she looking for someone else's place to call home?

    I think your decision to slam on the breaks is an excellent one. It is really easy to seduce someone once the flame is lit. This one sounds like a stick of dynamite. Be very cautious it doesn't blow up in your hand

  • ButtLight
    ButtLight

    I say give it some time. If you really like her, then ask her what her plans are. Is she going to leave her fiance? Will you be patient enough to give her time if she is willing? Just talk to her about your feelings, and see what she has to say!

  • daystar
    daystar

    bikerchic

    And in all honesty don't you deserve a woman who isn't subdivided with children to tend to?

    Honestly, I'd have it no other way. I'm a single father myself (my son lives with me), so I pretty much have to be with someone who also has at least one child. People without children just aren't on the same page. (I've tried. Hasn't worked very well.)

    (((daystar))) there's a great big ocean out there and lots of other fish in the sea, don't be so desperate to settle for the first one that catches your eye.

    She is by far not the first woman I've dated in the last two years. And I'm definitely not settling or I would have already before I met her. In fact, I'd say I've been overly picky as I've turned down some wonderful woman who simply didn't quite "do it" for me.

    Brains, looks and charm doesn't equal stability. Complete package? Guess if you aren't looking for someone who is stable and available.

    Yeah, I didn't really say that it did equal stability, but your point is well taken. As far as stability is concerned though, she otherwise seems to be quite stable. She spent the three years after her divorce getting herself stable. She bought a house on her own and had it quite nice until she met this guy. She says she hates it and wishes she'd never given her house up for this guy.

    I know how this all looks. There are details that I haven't imparted here, though.

    All that said, I have decided to back off though for all the reasons cited.

    Thanks for your input!

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