Need Some Help Understanding

Broken Hearted

I am a non JW, who has met a JW and we have been online chatting for last 9 months. I have fallen in love with him. He has been trying to push me away lately, and finding out one of the reasons is because of the religious background. Well his ex-wife this week turned him in to the elders ( by the way i don't understand a lot of this) So this morning he had to meet with the eleders about me. He informed them that we had been chatting and yes he does have feelings for me and because I was not JW he was backing off and that he advised me to contact my local Kingdom Hall to get someone to come over and explain thier religion to me and to ask them the questions and for them to explain what they belive.

First off I want to say I know God sent this man to me, Won't go into detail but I just know deep in my heart he did. I have not asked this man to change what he belives or even suggest for him to switch religions. I have done some rearch on the religion on the computer and Well i have many questions that just don't seem to add up. I don't belive you have to answer to elders because of the choice in a partner you might make. I have thought about letting them come over and talk to me but I am too independant and to opinionated I am affriad they would go running and then call the elders at the other kingdom hall.

I just don't know what to do. Walking away from this man is not an option. I pray for him daily and ask God to give him peace, at first it was becasue he was going through so much with other issues in his life, but lately I think that prayer could also be peace having to do with the religion. He quoted a bible verse to me yesterday Matthew 12:25 and in short a house divided will not stand, So then I say back to him that there are many ways for a house to be divided and to be united. You can agree to dissagree on some things in your life and as long as you are in agreement then you really are not divided. I feel here what makes this not work is having to answer to the elders. I have asked him why i had to talk to local Kingdom Hall and not him. Why can he not tell me what HE believes not someone in his religious orgazation. Of course he responded he is too emotionally involed with me.

Is there anything I can do? He was raised JW and I meant what i have told him about not asking him to change, to me that would be something he would have between him and God and because I did anything. Do I just keep praying for God to send him peace and cry my self to sleep nightly?

TwoBlackBelts

Please understand that your love notwithstanding, expecting this guy to reciprocate is like expecting a one-legged man to play football.

His programming precludes him from being able to form deep and lasting, mature emotional attachments.

zeroday

Jehovah's Witnesses must answer to the Elders on all matters of choice. Dating a non witness is on the top of the list of things not to do. If you do continue this relationship be prepared to have your world turned inside out. You will be riding an emotional roller coaster for the rest of your life with him. You may feel walking away is not a choice but might be your best choice.

WLG

He is in a cult. In order to fully grasp this you may have to do some research. They own his mind right now, and to make it worse, if you try to say anything at all contrary to what he believes right now, he will mentally shut you out.

I'm at a loss as to advice for these situations, as they come up often. He is on his way out, simply by virtue of the fact that you are talking. But how long the process takes and whether or not he backslides is anyones guess.

Jehovahs Witnesses are the very definition of a high control cult organization. They tell him what to think, what to wear, what to read, and what to say. Disagreement or disobedience regarding the elders is viewed as the same to the very face of God. But yet again, the ray of hope is that he is already "straying" and getting pressure on him. Send him cards, call him, be there for him. Be sicky sweet and hell run to you for comfort, because he will get none there once he is back in "compliance".

Sorry if this scares you or freaks you out...but it's what you are up against. Others will have more to say I am sure.

Best Wishes,

WLG

jgnat

I am a non JW, who has met a JW and we have been online chatting for last 9 months. I have fallen in love with him.

You realize you are still deep in the infatuation stage, and that, having never met him, you cannot be absolutely certain you know enough to make a life commitment to him? This would be true of any online relationship.

He has been trying to push me away lately, and finding out one of the reasons is because of the religious background.

Do you believe it is your right to interfere with free will? If he is sincere about breaking it off, must you not respect that?

Because I was not JW he was backing off and that he advised me to contact my local Kingdom Hall to get someone to come over and explain thier religion to me and to ask them the questions and for them to explain what they belive.

He is responding as any loyal JW would. He depends on the elders to keep his conscience clean. So, he advises you the same. He does not understand the concept of grace, or personal repentance. You believe in taking your burdens directly to God, and repenting in private if needed. He doesn't. I strongly advise you NOT to invite the elders in to your home. Do not accept their advice as being directed from God. It is grossly inappropriate for you, a non-JW, to accept their direction.

First off I want to say I know God sent this man to me, Won't go into detail but I just know deep in my heart he did.

Well, if you have accepted this relationship as from God on faith, there's not much I can tell you. Faith is pretty unshakeable.

I have thought about letting them come over and talk to me but I am too independant and to opinionated I am afriad they would go running and then call the elders at the other kingdom hall.

This is unlikely. They would probably likely try to hook you up with a good sister to have a study with you and if that didn't work out, write you off. They would see you as a potential convert only.

I just don't know what to do. Walking away from this man is not an option.

Why?

I feel here what makes this not work is having to answer to the elders. I have asked him why i had to talk to local Kingdom Hall and not him. Why can he not tell me what HE believes not someone in his religious orgazation. Of course he responded he is too emotionally involved with me.

Again, he is responding as any loyal follower of the Watchtower society would. IF HE DOES NOT BREAK IT OFF WITH YOU, the elders at the local hall will still continue to interfere with your relationship.

Is there anything I can do?

The things you can do you have denied yourself:

Become knowledgeable of this religion and it's corrupting influence and challenge him to revisit his beliefs.
Allow him to release you and thereby clear his conscience.
Revisit your belief that this relationship was a gift from God.

So I guess that leaves praying and crying yourself to sleep nightly.

Broken Hearted

Send him cards, call him, be there for him. Be sicky sweet

I do this all the time he gets cards from me weekly along with gifts. I send emails and texts and he gets calls.

zeroday

As has been mentioned and will be again, this is an extreme mind control cult. I really don't believe you know all that you are getting yourself into. Most everyone here was a Jehovah's Witness at one time and know the vicegrip they have on these people. Tred lightly and educate your self about this group. If you believe it is to painful to end this relationship now you have no idea the pain and suffering in store for you if you continue.

gumby

he advised me to contact my local Kingdom Hall to get someone to come over and explain thier religion to me and to ask them the questions and for them to explain what they belive.

If you really want help...here's what you do.

Read and study about jehovah's Witnesses APART from Jehovah's Witnesses.

If you would have asked the Manson family what they thought of ol' Charlie during the time of his murderous history, they would have told you all the good things about ol Charlie.

Once you have studied about them and you find out they are a mind controling, bloodguilty cult that is full of lies and hypocracy, then go to your local Kingdom Hall and have a talk with those elders and ask them questions. They'll dismiss you in a hurry......trust me.

Btw....welcome

Gumby

serendipity

((( broken hearted ))) and welcome to the forum. I hope someone here can help you.

Balsam

The wonderful man who is now my husband helped me very gradually to leave the mind control of the JW's, but it took years at least 2 1/2. He had never been a JW's so he didn't understand exactly how I looked at things. It take a ton of love and patience to help a JW's out of the religion. The mixing of the non-witness with a JW is so hard because it torchures their conscious. You see witnesses are not suppose to draw emotional closesness to people outside of their religion. And if you ever meet with him and become intimate then he can easily be disfellowshipped. Disfellowshipping leads to shunning by his congregation and all JW's. It can lead to him being cut off from all his family and friends if they are JW's.

Unless you have a strong consititution and a lot of determination. He will go back and forth, because he has been tought that JW's have the only truth, and there is no other religion acceptable to God. There in is the catch of the control mechanism of the JW's leadership.

Balsam

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