by serendipity 31 Replies latest social relationships
My uncle ocasionally complains about how my aunt loves her adult children more than him because she's always thinking about them, worrying about them and reaching out to them. I think that's a surprising viewpoint because I thought that most mothers (and many fathers) love their children above all others.
Do you think that's true? Should a parent love their children more than the spouse (or significant other)? Does age of the child play a factor?
I love my son more than anyone else in the world, bar none.
Happyout
My partner definitely loves his daughter more than me which I accepted from the beginning. However at times that acceptance is difficult to practice when it means that my opinions, thoughts and desires just come second all the time. I'd never date someone with children again I don't think - too much hassle.
I'm neither a parent or a spouse, but being a daughter and a sister I'd have to say that the love we have for different people that are close to us is each unique. There's no rules written for this sort of thing. I don't think your partners love you less than their children, it's just that their children are in their absolute care and trust, and can't take care of themselves. I don't think it should ever be necessary for a person to chose between the love of a child & their partner, each should be both able to get what they need. x
Men come and go, my children will always be a part of me!
Two different kinds of love.
In the end, I do think we love our kids our more. I do. But I think it is because we as parents have a bond that can transcend most things. It is just a natural love that kicks in, at least it should.
I think about those who have been abused by their parents. Or have had a parent favor an abusive spouse over the wellbeing of their child. I don't understand it.
meagan
"there is no greater love than that of a mother for her child" I would die for any of my children. I love them unconditional. It is a different type of love that the love I feel for my husband. Not greater, just different.
Well don't think the love of a spouse is anything like our love for our kids. I think what that husband was complaining about is that his wife just didn't fuss and worry over him as much as she did their children. Perhaps she just constantly talked about the kids and their needs and what was happening with them. And lets face it male or female we love to feel we are the most important person in our mates life, children aside for a moment.
I love my wonderful husband so very very much, but I worry about my children. I do try not to constantly talk about my kids to my children's Step Dad or I could make him feel the like I thought they were more important than him. The truth is he is right here with me and I know he is fine and great, so need to worry. But I certainly don't want him to feel I put them first and him second because it would not be true. All of them are important and I would worry about any one of them if something was going wrong. Love comes in different forms for different people in our lives.
Balsam
Its not a very nice question, it makes me feel slightly nasty, but yes, kids come first.
I have to agree with Meagan and Arwen.
Ultimately, one does love their children more than a spouse (at least, I love my children more than any partner I have ever had). It is an unconditional love that does not require the other party to return anything. My children could do anything (ANYTHING) and I would still love them--I might not understand it, I might not condone it, but nothing would make me stop loving them. A partner is just that; a partner that one exchanges energies with. A marriage is a contract--you do this, I do that--blah blah blah. I have yet to meet the man whom I would love unconditionally (especially as a marriage partner) and expect nothing in return. I suppose it does exist in rare cases where one finds their other half. But I believe that is very very rare and could actually be counter-productive to the very real business of marriage, child-rearing, and society building (in fact, what's love got to do with it, ultimately? Romantic love expectations are relatively new to the human marriage institution).
With children, it's just there; hardwired in the moment you feel the quickening in your womb and know that another being has chosen to incarnate through you.
So, yes, I love my children more than any other being I have ever met aplanet. I believe this is as it should be. I shudder to think of meeting someone I loved more or equally.
~Brigid
