I was devastated when it dawned on me that I had been duped all these years, and I was angry with myself for allowing it to happen. Now I am just glad to be free of the wts, and in control of my life again.
I came to that realization slowly, after years of reading this site and others like it.
I kept wondering why I wasn't really particularly upset about the thought of no paradise, no resurrection, no cute little tiger cubs romping thru the grass.
Then I finally realized that, despite being raised as a JW, I never really, really, deep down, believed any of it.
I was happy to know I made the right decision to leave and and end the little nagging thoughts that maybe they might be right,, maybe I will die at armageddon.. Now it is a relief to know it is all lies and contrived reasonings on Bible scriptures..I feel sorry for the JW friends I left behind who are still trapped and either too afraid or too brainwashed to be free of the lies of the org...
For me it was a progressive "enlightenment" if you will...
I started questioning their claims that elders & min servs were appointed by holy spirit....when I realized the truth about that many other of my JW beliefs started crumbling as well. The whole process only took a couple of months. I came out in the summer of '99 and could not stomach the district convention (though I sat thru all 3 days in disgust) and the 1st regular meeting after the convention was my last. I felt like a spell had been broken and wondered what in the heck I was doing there! All of the "friends" seemed like robots instead of people. It was a very strange experience.
On the upside, it has made me a much more open-minded person about EVERYTHING and have come to realize that beliefs are very powerful yet there is no such thing as certainty. I am rarely dogmatic about anything and am content to say "I don't know". I think on some abstract level there is a thing called "truth" but it is not something the JW"s (or anyone else who claims to be so CERTAIN about life) has.
I wasn't nearly as bothered by the fact the Society has been dishonest as I was bothered by the fact that my father knew it all along.
Every single thing I showed him, he said, "I knew all about that.". He said I don't care that I put you through hell, I did it because I like being a Witness, I don't care if they are wrong.
That pisses me off every time I think about it.
I reacted by giving up on the JW preaching since there was no point in bringing people into a deceitful organisation where they would be mislead and exploited. No fs and no theocratic ministry school.
At first I felt sick to my stomach and couldn't sleep more than an hour or so at a time. Took about two weeks before I calmed down and embraced true freedom.
i was devastated by my own doubts and suspicions.. years later when i got online and found a wonderful website called " quotes" and ex jw message boards i felt better.. i wasnt imagining things, it wasnt my lack of faith and "good works" causing those doubts.
those doubts were based on REALITY.
i wasnt crazy!! (well i'm still nuts but i aint crazy!!)