What are your morals like since leaving the organisation?

by ballistic 29 Replies latest jw friends

  • gumby
    Have you ever reacted to a situation, and then thought, wait a minute, that was the morals I was taught as a JW catching up with me?

    I still respect the morals I was taught as a witness and still abide by them.

    The thing I have to keep reminding myself is.....I could have learned these SAME morals had I been brought up in another religion/enviroment/culture. Sometimes we ex-dubs forget JW's are not the only moral bible abiding people on the planet.

    I used to apply my morals for Jehovah, and now I apply them because they simply work. Showing love to others for instance just works. It makes you feel good and those you show love to.

    Being honest makes YOU feel good....rather than doing it because it makes your god happy. If there's a god, he'll be happy your honest anyways....it goes with the territory.

    Cheating on your mate doesn't work for the one cheated on no matter how you slice it and whether Jehovah is involved or not. When the one that is cheated on has their life ruined in the marriage arena, the cheaters life also becomes ruined. It wasn't Jehovahs doing that made it that way....it's how people are. Morals and the lack of, have enhanced and ruined entire civilizations.



  • Frog
    interesting, interesting, like chimene said the Watchtower rode over our morals but were you brought up in it? I think I did "go off the rails" to a small extent like some people do when leaving a tightly controlled group, and then re-balanced to some semblence of morality, which I subsequently realised could still be a bit "righteous" can I say?

    hey y'all :)...I can more or less relate to this. There may have been a short window when my morality went a little out the window, but then I learnt to tune into what is really me, and things have been balanced for a while now...but I say it's always good to get some of it out of your sister while you can :)) frog x

  • Clam

    Being honest makes YOU feel good.... Showing love to others, for instance just works. It makes you feel good and those you show love to.

    Such wise words from Gumby. This is how I feel. My non Dub parents brought me up to be considerate to other people. Jehovah’s people™ didn’t make me a better person at all, but instilled phobias, prejudices and disdain for outsiders.

    Gumby’s right it does make sense and it does make you happier. Some choices tend to follow logic as well.

    Today I had a friend approach me to say he's met a married woman and what did I think

    I’ve been approached for this kind of advice by friends too, and I’ve always said “don’t get in the way of other people’s relationships.” But people usually just want to talk, they don’t always take advice if goes against their agenda.

  • ballistic

    well, there was something going on with a very close friend of mine when I posted this and now I think he's actually gone and done it.

    I actually feel "angry" about it. It's not how I would describe my character normally and I don't like it. What is this "anger". My morals? Deep down am I just stupidly jealous? What is it? I feel stressed about the whole situation.

    This is what I meant by asking the question - about situations where you "judge" someone like this. Am I out of line?

  • luna2

    ballistic, I had a friend that went and cheated on her husband with a married man in her office. We'd talked about her feelings and what a bad idea it was to act on them for probably six months before she finally did what she wanted to do all along. I'm sure I would have been pissed off at her if I'd known about the affair at the time (we'd moved to Alaska and there was a long period of no contact). I don't know exactly why I would have been upset...not sure if it was anything to do with morals or if it was that I was struggling in a marriage where my husband didn't have all that much affection for me and her's loved her to death. I have huge issues with fidelity and getting involved in affairs with married people. I couldn't understand why she'd choose to potentially destroy her marriage or be the catalyst that might destroy her lover's marriage (newly married with a baby on the way). She had what I wanted and flushed it down the toilet.

    I think I've probably become more mellow now, but I will never think its okay to cheat on your spouse or to have an affair with someone who's married.

    As for post-JW morality. Well, I'm over the idea that you must be married to have sex and the JW no-oral sex rule, but other than that nothing much has changed. I still think telling the truth is best, stealing is wrong...the usual stuff.

  • ballistic

    hi - so maybe I'm not so weird after all. Thought maybe it was just my inner child having a tantrum. Well I don't want to go into too many details as it's pretty close to home, but anyway, my mate just came over and said it didn't happen despite the fact it looked very much like it did, I appologised for the choice words I called him last night and we shook hands.

    It is interesting to explore these emotions though if not uncomfortable at the time.

  • gumby
    I actually feel "angry" about it. It's not how I would describe my character normally and I don't like it. What is this "anger". My morals? Deep down am I just stupidly jealous? What is it? I feel stressed about the whole situation.

    This is a little late for a response again but...who cares?

    Ballistic ya bastard.....be happy that you have these feelings. It's a good thing. Those that throw all care and caution to the wind with no restraints, rules, laws, morals, natural feelings.......all end up in the shitter in one way or the other. Man figured out lond ago that there needs to be order/rules in his life, and that it is not a "do what you feel like doing" world. Even the universe has it's own laws and rules.....why should man be different?

    Mans head is "programmed" already to accept or decline certain things in life and your conscience self isn't going to change that.

    Gumby......who worked real hard on this post.

  • ballistic

    thanks gumbo.

    I guess you can have written rules like - I won't do this because Jehovah's hates it. Or you can really feel strongly against something in your own mind. There's a difference. I guess a position of stregnth would be to know where you will draw the line, but when it comes to others crossing that line, knowing how to deal with the emotions. Afterall, they did not cross me, but someone else. Am I making sense?

    Either way, I think I made a bad job of it last night. Damn.

  • diamondblue1974

    I think that morality is a highly subjective issue; our own personal sense of morality is no doubt different to others and I believe that whilst being a JW there was always a tendency to use our sense of morality (however artificial) to judge others who appear not meet up to the standards we are taught to expect. How does this answer the question posted on the thread I hear you say?

    Well I would like to believe that my own sense of morality is now not dictated to by a set of WT rules, my sense of morality is developing constantly as I find myself thrust into new situations with varying challenges; its granted that fundamentally my sense of morality is founded upon honesty, fidelity and a sense of family values, but who knows whats going to happen in times to come, who knows how we are going to react to certain situations and who is to say whether the way we respond or react to certain situations is moral or not? Answer is, we simply do not know and whilst we would like to believe we would respond in certain ways or do certain things in certain situations, its difficult to tell and as someone once said to me 'everyone has their price'.


  • mrsjones5

    Your question reminds me of a question my mother asked me last week about do I have to deal with a lot more inmoral people now being out the outside of the org vs when I was on the inside. I told her there was no difference. Not sure if she believed me but I guess she didn't since this wasn't the first time she asked that question. I have told her in the past that I don't knowingly hang out with nor do I let people with blatent inmoral habits around my kids. I live a rather quite suburban life but my mother seems to think that it's a racy, inmoral, worldly life. I was going to say that I don't know where she gets this attitude from but I do know...we all know.


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