Last straw?

by happyout 24 Replies latest social relationships

  • juni

    Hi happyout,

    Do you think some counseling would help to see what's going on in his head?

    Raising a child by yourself is tough, but you have to be the judge of your situation. How long have you been married?


  • daystar

    I'm very sorry to hear about this. But it happens.

    It really sucks when there is a child in the situation. However, it's much better to rectify a bad situation that the child is involved in (the unhealthy family situation) than to let it go on.

  • happyout

    Do you think some counseling would help to see what's going on in his head? No, he's really hard to talk to, and is a complete master at turning things away from himself. We actually tried it once, but neither of us liked or respected the counselor. Plus, I really don't think counseling will change the essence of who he is, you know?

    How long have you been married? Almost 9 years, together for 12. He was unfaithful a number of times when we were dating, but I really thought he would be different once we were married. At least, that's what he kept insisting. It's too late for me to regret that, after all if I hadn't married him I wouldn't have my wonderful son who is the light of my life.

    I don't even know how to approach him about this. Last year I tried to gently tell him I didn't think it was working out, and wanted to try to separate as friends, and he got mad and started throwing things around (not at me) and just got stupid. I think it's the idea that I was willing to leave him more than any great love for me that ticked him off. His parents have both been divorced, and he has said many times he will never get divorced. He isn't likely to make it easy, no matter that there is good reason to break up, I am not looking forward to this conversation. I will try to put it off until the weekend, and maybe have someone watch my son while we talk, since I don't want him to hear any nasty things that might be said.

    What a mess.


  • Why Georgia
    Why Georgia

    Hi Happy,

    My ex-husband did something very similar to your husband...except my ex was meeting women and having sex. Reason # 1 he's the ex-husband.

    If your husband has already taken this step to look outside of your marriage for fulfillment its over. I'm sorry.

    I'd tell him within 30 days he needs to be out and if he's not....Kick his butt out of the house and change the locks. Then make an appointment with your doctor and get tested for STD's.

    I'd also put a fraud alert on your credit report so that he is unable to take out anymore credit with your name attatched. Please protect yourself.

    My ex-husband took out an AMEX and Discover in my name 2 years after we had been divorced.

    On a happy note, I have a really wonderful husband and 2 lovely little boys and even with all of my husbands JW issues, I'd still put up with it anyday over my ex's cheating and lies.

    Be careful!


  • juni

    Hi again!

    I will try to put it off until the weekend, and maybe have someone watch my son while we talk, since I don't want him to hear any nasty things that might be said.

    That would be an extremely good idea. Kids don't need to hear adult issues. Your husband is still his Dad and he loves you both.

    I feel for you and it sounds like you have tried to work things out. Sounds like he has a "humility" problem.

    Also, there is no excuse for him not to pick up the load around the house while you're working. I'm 57 and one lesson I've learned in life is: PEOPLE BASICALLY DON'T CHANGE

    I hope you're not putting yourself in harm's way by bringing up divorce. Sounds like he also has a temper issue. Do you have family around to be a support system?


  • happyout

    My family will be very supportive, although I will try very hard not to give them too many details about the web site and other women. They are aware that we have been having problems, that might be enough.

    My mother has offered to have a bible study with us, because of course the root of the problem is that we aren't serving God. Darn it all, if I would just pray more and be submissive, my life would be paradise right here on earth (total sarcasm for any newbies who might be confused).

    Again, my thanks, I appreciate all the moral support.


  • ballistic

    by the way no offense was intended with my coment about adult friend finder if anyone here is members of it. But I'm sure if I found my partner was dating on any internet site they would be straight out the door, no doubt.

  • SixofNine

    No advice, except that I know divorce does not in and of itself harm children, so I hope you'll take that worry/guilt off of your plate.

    I'm sorry for your pain and disapointment. Hang in there, and do what is good for yourself (and only you can know that), and your child will benefit along with you.

  • SixofNine

    Oh yes, the advice to get yourself protected financially is good. You might think hard about doing this before you talk to him; he doesn't sound like the type of person you can trust with your half of the money.

  • lowden

    Hey there Happyout,

    I've been through a marriage breakup, with 3 kids involved. It's terribly hard and the truth is that the kids really are the losers in the end (depending on the circumstances and their age) That said...for me...when something CLICKS in my head regarding a relationship....then it's over! If that's happened to you, that click or snap or penny dropping...then it may well be the end. Deep breath babe.



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