Welcome to this forum. I am sorry to hear of your sense of loss and shame; but I want you to know that it is normal to feel as you do and that it will pass. It is very confusing and painful to realize that someone you've had feelings for and a relationship with is an abuser; and then to be told over and over the same thing, even though you know it's true.
It sticks in the throat and in the heart and is hard to grasp and hard to let go. But you will, and when you do, you'll heal and move on and realize that the most difficult and painful part of your life is over. You are free to move on and to learn new ways - to find healthier relationships and real friends. With help you will learn how not to be a victim any more.
You are in no way responsible for your friend's suicide and no matter what you've said or done in his regard, he is the one who took the action - hurting you even once more, and trying to make you feel responsible for his exploitive behaviour, even in death. You are not to blame for it, as others have said again and again. He is/was responsible for what he chose to do to himself and to others. It is probably unlikely that he even thought about how his past actions or his suicide would affect you; although he too may have had so much guilt, shame, and fear that suicide seemed to be his only option. That is very sad for all.
I am not making excuses for his actions, but I suspect that if his own fear or shame had been addressed in a healthy way, he probably would never have chosen to do the wrong things he did. He had to be suffering serious sickness to do what he did - both touching girls inappropriately and committing suicide. His sickness existed long before you were ever born and you could not have prevented any of the consequences of his maladjustment.
I have found that writing letters to my abusers (whether the letters are sent or not), has helped me enormously - alleviating the anger, grief, shame, etc. Sometimes, putting it in print is very healing and can help me to see where my own thinking (in self-blame or shame) might be misdirected; it is very common for people who have been at the receiving end of exploitation to turn the anger inward, to become depressed and troubled in many ways. Sometimes writing about it and talking with others can help alleviate it. I hope you have someone you can talk to about this. If you don't, there are people at this forum who can direct you to experienced, caring listeners and we are here to support you in any way that we can.
I hope that I have not said anything offensive to you, as I know this is an extremely sensitive subject and you are a tender person. You have been wronged in many ways by this situation. I wish you the best and I am so sorry that you have to struggle with this. Hugs to you.
New here,i hope someone might help,my abuser hung himself
I have nothing to add to what these lovely folks have said to you. But I do welcome you and wish you all the best as you seek help in recovering from the harm that has been done to you.
god, I don't really know what to say other than it really is a sick world.
Hello, welcome to the forum, Linzlou. thanks for sharing your story. You know, the man who hung himself was the one who made the decision to do it. We all have bad times, but people who kill themselves are the ones who made that decision to deal with their problems in that way. YOU are not responsible for the choice that HE made in dealing with his conflicts.
And of course, he had a lifetime of taking advantage, so I'm sure he'd been feeling guilty and conflicted for a really long time.
I do hope you find comfort and healing for yourself.
Hi everybody,thankyou so much for reading my story and for being so understanding,godbless you all...when i brokedown before christmas,my doctor has 3times misdiagnosed my depression,and said it was time for closure.....it took me to badly selfharm before the hospital saw how rockbottom i was,ive been put on a course of antidepressants and will be going back to see my pyschiatrist for a second time in april.....im going to see the doctor for the first time in a minute since he misdiagnosed my depression and cant wait to see his face when he reads the letter from the hospital....i guess not every doctor gets things right but it doesnt take a rocket scientist to see when somebody is very obviously suffering......well i guess things will take time to heal but theres only one way and its forward and hopefully stronger.....thankyou all very much from the bottom of my heart...hugs to all...xxxxxx
It sounds like you are already on your road to recovery....good luck on your journey!
Be strong, be free
That's good news linzlou. Let us know what the doctor had to say. Has counselling been set up?
Welcome to the forum, i am new here as well!! There are so many good and kind people here who have gone thru so many bad things in their lives!! We/they are here for you, so please stay and keep sharing! Just their listening is such a comfort to me in my time of need! Here are hugs and kisses for you to help keep you going thru your times of need! xoxoxoxoxoxoxox