Changes to the Shunning Practice ? We have just been spoken to !

by twinkletoes 31 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • ithinkisee

    I doubt it is relaxed. 1 of 2 reasons:

    1. The people you speak of just don't care anymore.
    2. Like Amway, there is a chance they could re-recruit you so they are friendly.


  • TheListener

    Inactive ones are not officially shunned. Only DF and DA are officially shunned.

    If you've faded and are considered inactive some may shun you out of fear or anger but that would be a personal choice.

    If you're DF or DA then the shunning isn't a personal choice but a requirement to remain clean in the congregation's eyes.

  • Queenvelvet

    Hi! First time post. I have to respond to this because I had the same experience about 2 months ago. It was VERY weird. I grew up in the same KH all my life til I was df'ed at 20 years old. I have been df'ed for almost 10 years now and have been shunned with NO CONTACT from anyone for all those years. Any time I ran into any of my parents friends, the MOST I would get was MAYBE a smile, but that was it.

    I had to attend a funeral at the beginning of January. It was really strange and everyone was talking to me at the KH. They know I am still df'ed. There were a few that did not talk to me, but for the most part, the entire KH was smiling, saying hello, hugging, etc... I was very, very confused when I left. I actually went to my doctor before the funeral to get some xanax because I did not think I could handle being around all those people being shunned and it wasn't such a horrible experience to be honest. I mean, it wasn't great, but not what I expected.

    The person who died was my mom's best friend. The days before she died, her husband (an elder) actually invited me to the house to come see her and say good-bye, bring food or whatever if I wanted. The entire family was very friendly to me. I didn't even expect them to talk to me at all. They never had before. ????

    Anyway, after the funeral, I wrote about it in my journal, and I actually was questioning the policy on df'ing as well. Just thought I would add that in for emphasis :)


    Jan 8, 2006

    Well, I suppose I should probably write a New Year's entry, but I haven't really felt like it this past week. It's been rough since Eileen died on NYE and then I had to go to the funeral yesterday. Not only going to my first real funeral for someone who I truly loved, but having to be around a bunch of witnesses was really hard. I hugged Melissa last night for the longest time and told her that I know what she is going through being df'ed and that I would NOT let her go through this without me. I hope she calls me. I want to be there for her. Listening to all the JW babble was even harder. Funny how even though years have passed nothing has changed. I suppose they would say that, "God doesn't change" and all that, but honestly, I truly believe they are waiting for something that is never going to happen and that saddens me. I certainly don't judge anyone for what they choose to do with their life and many of the people in that religion like my parents, would have nothing if it wasn't for their faith. The only problem I have is that if you chose a different path, you are shunned and lose your entire life and friendships and it tears so many families apart and that just isn't right. What kind of "God-given free will" is that?!?! Anyway, I've said this a million times over and it won't change anything, so I don't know why I keep saying it.

    People aren't as weird as they used to be though. I don't know if maybe they have lightened the rules a bit on how to treat a df'ed person or what? Maybe it was just the circumstances of it being a funeral and 10 years passing since I have been around all those people at one time. Maybe some of them thought in their minds that it was ok to say hello and wave and smile at me considering the circumstances. It was really confusing for me to be honest. In the past when I went to the Kingdom Hall, all I got were blank stares and turning/looking down heads and frowns. A few people still do that, one being Jeanette Williams who is one of my mom's best friends. She has always kind of been a bitch though, so maybe that's just her way.

    The bottom line is, I don't judge them for their choices, so why do they do it to me? Oh yeah... Brain washing....

  • hallelujah
  • serendipity

    Hi Queensvelvet, welcome to the forum!

  • Dr Jekyll
    Dr Jekyll

    Its memorial season. The dubs have been told to get as many bums on seats as they can for the memorial. So they're all being nice now.

  • daystar


    If you've faded and are considered inactive some may shun you out of fear or anger but that would be a personal choice.

    A personal choice reinforced by the literature in some subtle and no-so-subtle ways.

    While not an "official" doctrine, it is a doctrine nonetheless. It simply is a practice that is implied rather than stated outright, so as to dodge possible litigation as well as to present the organization in a less fundamentalist light.

    You are simply parroting what the literature and the elders teach you to respond with to these sorts of topics. "Personal choice", but highly reinforced by the religion's teachings. So how is that personal choice?

    Why can't you see?

  • BluesBrother

    No changes officially to the shunning policy.. Perhaps your friends were just boyed up by a good lunch ? Perhaps somebody said Hello unthinkingly and they felt they had to continue once they had started.

    If you d/a'd - you are supposed to be ignored .

  • wednesday

    I am neither DA or DF nor am i on any kind of reproof, private or otherwise. and am shunned . However, I have a rather large mouth and have not exactly made it a secret how I feel about people in the cong. Occ someone will call or stop by. I have not been invited to the memorials in at least 2 years, and the years befor that I went b/c I called them. It may not be offical, but I had an elder cross two lanes of traffic to not even be seen driving near me. If that is not shunning, I do not know what is..

  • undercover

    Welcome Queenvelvet. Your experience reminds me of an experience I had with a DFd person at a funeral several =years ago when I was still 'in'.

    A DFd girl that I had known for several years came to the funeral home on family night when a JW family member had died. I wondered if she was still DFd. I wasn't sure how to react to her, but I did want to talk to her as we were pretty good friends before she got DFd. I saw an elder from another congregation talk to her and they laughed as they carried on their conversation. Thinking that if the elder was having a friendly chat, she must be reinstated so I went ahead and waited to talk to her. We had a great conversation. She introduced me to her husband and we talked about old times. It was great. I did notice a couple of people looking sideways at us as if they disapproved, but I was so caught up in the moment, I ignored them. During the conversation she told me she was still DFd and was not coming back. We said our goodbyes and left on good terms with each other.

    I spoke to the elder that had talked to her and asked him if he thought she was reinstated. He told me that he wasn't sure, but he decided to do what he thought Jesus would do if he were there. What he said there has always stuck with me and shows me that the shunning practice is not in Jesus teachings or examples.

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