U/D, when I left the witnesses it was over this issue (depression). I had been married 15 years to an abusive husband, the elders including my dad always thought it was something I was doing that made him treat me that way. I had a boating accident and hurt my back and while taking care of that I found help for the depression. I even got a part time job, at a domestic violence shelter. Boy did that open my eyes.
I had been so depressed for so long, and had missed some meetings here and there, more towards the end. No one offered to help as you can well imagine, and as soon as they found out I was depressed they practically made the hex sign, their eyes got big and they trotted right off. The very last meeting I went to I had been very sick, and the very first thing this old codger elder pounced on me very loudly asking me where I had been and why I had missed so many meetings. I got away from him, sat down, and the number 2 talk was on depression. Given by a kiss-ass MS with aspirations for eldership and not two braincells to knock together. His premise: There are real reasons for depression and then there are excuses. He said unless someone in your family died you should pull yourself up by your bootstraps with the help of Jehovah through prayer, and basically get over it.
That was enough for me. By that time I had been to the doctors and knew about brain chemistry. Mental health is such a taboo subject with JWs and there is so much ignorance around it. Its too bad, too, because I have seen a study where among religions JWs are more depressed and even suicidal than any other, bar none.
I hope you find your answer, my friend, there is hope, and life does get better. There are some things that knock us for such a loop that we kind of get a post-traumatic stress thing going on. If you haven't talked to a therapist about this I highly recommend it. Its such a relief to have someone to talk to sometimes.
Blessings!
Sherry
