A Memo for my JW dad

by Lilycurly 27 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  yesidid

  Dear Lily,

  For your sake I really wish that this was true.

  I don't really care if he shuns me.

  Unfortunately you do care. You care very much. Your pain jumps out of the page.

  I have read your story before and from what you've said it is obvious that your father is in pain also. He really loves you,

  but the poor soul has been brainwashed and really believes God wants him to shun you. Even though it is agony

  for both of you, he really thinks that if he obeys God (GB) it is for the best.

  I wouldn't presume to know what would be the best in your situation, but I do know that if my daughter were to regularly

  send me cards telling me how much she loved me and missed me it would eventually melt my heart.

  It is obvious he loves you very much. Otherwise he wouldn't have searched high and low to get someone to give him

  permission to stay in contact.

  I am so sorry you are having painful experience, wish there was more I could do to help.

  Take care (((((((((Lilicurly)))))))

  yesidid
• 

  ferret

  Lilycurly, point out to him the quote from the elders book "pay attention to yourselves and to the flock" page 103 says " normally a close relative would not be disfellowshipped for associating with a disfellowshipped person unless there is spiritual association or an effort made to justify or excuse the wrongful course. So if he shuns you it is soley his decision.
• 

  Lilycurly

  yesidid----What I think is happening with me right now, is that I try very hard for it to not affect me. And it kind of works....I do love him very much, he is my father after all, but then I realise that his love is conditionnal.. of course, you are right, he is toroughly brainwashed. Sending cards is a great idea...but who knows if he will even read them...he really beleives he is experiencing a temptation and is showing God his faithfulness.

  I am very mad at him right now, I hate to see my mother cry. It breaks me more then anything.
• 

  Scully

  The thing that is most frustrating though, is that she is as much of an "apostate" as I am, and she keeps asking him questions and talking to him of things she and I discuss together. He puts up with it, and even tries to make their relationship stronger, being loving and romantic and all. But to me, his daughter, he will not talk to anymore, even if it's not about religion....

  Hmmm I must have missed you saying that your mom is also an exJW.

  It tells me, at least, that your dad is smart enough not to make your mom mad. He understands who cooks his dinner and does his laundry. Hmmmm...... Would your mom ever go "en grève" to make a point to him?
• 

  Lilycurly

  Scully...uh...I don't know, I frankly do not like to think of my parents' escapades. lol But from what I am getting from my poor mother these last weeks, dad is probably not getting much. (I happened to find printed pages on his desk of some WT mag about how and why self-pleasing is naughty.)
• 

  Scully

  (I happened to find printed pages on his desk of some WT mag about how and why self-pleasing is naughty.)

  ROFLMAO!!

  Maybe he needs to go confess something to the elders, so you can all be happily DFd/DA'd together! LOL

  (and I meant "en grève" in terms of not doing any cooking or cleaning around the house... but if not having "escapades" works... go for it! LOL)
• 

  yesidid

  (((((((Lilycurly))))))

  How about

  I love you and not speaking to you is breaking my heart.

  or

  Having you as my father was one of the highlights of my life. Being without you is almost unbearable.

  or

  I want you to know I will always love you.

  or

  I just want to thank you for all the years of happiness and security your fatherly love gave me.

  or

  Knowing you loved me was one of the most important things in my life. Now I'm not sure and it's breaking my heart

  or

  Please give me some indication that you really did love me all those years, and that it wasn't just an act you can switch on an off.

  or

  Loving you is not something I can just switch off.

  or

  Your love was one of the few things in this life I thought I could depend on.

  yesidid
• 

  Lilycurly

  Scully-LOL! Oh, okay, let me get my mind out of the gutter then...well I'm not sure if mom would just stop doing what she does, she has two other kids to take care of...I really wonder sometimes if she would put up with him if no kids were still at home. But then I get the feeling that she is desperatly trying to salvage what they have...

  yesidid-- all of those are noted, this is great and worth the try.
• 

  Scully

  Wasn't there an article in the WT last autumn about how the Amish shun people who leave? And didn't they try to make it sound like the JWs were so much more loving and caring, and didn't treat people this way?

  I'll have to see if I can find the reference for you... maybe you can let your dad look at the article again... and let him know how that article makes all JWs who shun look like big fat hypocrites.
• 

  Lilycurly

  Really!!? Well this is something I'd like to read and print!