My Dear Fellow Sojourners,
I am in deep repose today. As free as I feel from the Organization, there is still one tiny veil yet to be lifted. That one in front of my face--my very identity. I have been doing much inner journeying (one reason why I'm here). I feel free yet I hesitate to freely post my picture here.
Why?
What am I afraid of? The only answer I can come up with is my mother and my brother. They are the only family I have in the organization. They know that I am no longer a JW. My brother knows I told all kinds of dirty little JW secrets to a counselor after I exited about the organization. But that I am what they would consider openly apostate? That I, on an almost daily basis, speak what I believe to be my truths against the organization?
What would they think? Would they not love me anymore? Yes, that is the fear. That I would lose their conditional love. That the even limited association (occasional phone calls, mostly at my initiation) would come to a complete halt. I miss my brother the most. He had some bad experiences while he journied outside of the organization and came to the conclusion that inside the 4 windowless walls of the kingdom hall was where he and his children need to be. We used to be so close. We'd talk and laugh all the time. We had a running SNL/MadTV skit going all the time. Now he hardly ever jokes or laughs. I miss him terribly.
So, here I stand at an exit in the road. I can continue in the safety of my anonymity or exit off into freedom. The freedom of lifting the veil off of my face.
Anybody had experiences "coming out"?
Input appreciated.
Loving regards,
~Brigid