What fills your 'love tank'?

by serendipity 19 Replies latest social relationships

  • serendipity

    Hi Billygoat,

    I'm glad you can vouch for this approach.

    Hi Del,

    Acts of Service are probably non-sexual things. This is actually important to my brother. He expects his wife to have dinner on the table and the house somewhat in order when he gets home. That says love to him, (probably associating that with love because that's what we grew up with.) He and his wife had a rocky relationship because the two of them spoke different love languages.

    When I was a kid, my mom use to point out how much my Dad loved us because he would check her car weekly, making sure the oil level was ok and the tires inflated etc. He wanted us to be safe. She was smart that she recognized those actions as a display of love.

    Hi cog,

    Why is TET hot? Just look at his pic! He does have a way with words and is willing to put his emotions out there. He bares his heart. That's appealing.

    As far as your situation, maybe you can get this book and share it with your husband, to use as a starting point in a discussion. As you said, your husband is a good guy. Y'all just need to get on the same page. The reviewer at Amazon had this point which seems to apply to you.

    Perhaps relationships get rocky or arrive at an impasse because individuals are speaking a different love language than what fills up the "love tank" of the object of their affection...and a result, the recipient doesn't feel loved. It's not that they feel empty and unfufilled because love isn't being given, but because the language "spoken" is not something that registers to the recipient as a form of love.

    Hi Sparky

    Chapman says that if a person has a hard time identifying the main love languages, they've either been on empty for so long and are out of touch with their needs. For good or bad, my daughter is filling my maternal love tank right now.

    Hi Tet,

    I think you get the premise. In case you're in a relationship with someone who speaks a different love language, you'll know to ask the question and then to fill her love tank emotionally. I'm sure you have the physical part covered.

  • Apostate Kate
    Apostate Kate

    Very true understanding of the human heart in my opinion. What made everything work for me was actually taking a 6 year sabbatical from men and relationships. Refused to date or fall in love. I made two mistakes previously so I decided I needed to just give up on the idea of love and relationships.

    I learned to love myself in those 6 years. I got to know what my needs were and how to fill them. In the Spring of 2004 I felt a change coming on. I felt that I was ready and sure enough an incredible man walked into my life. He is excentric like me and we fit together perfectly. We married that same year.

    Now I don't depend on him to fill my tank, I fill it myself. This way whatever sweet, quirky little things he does for me is added fun. There is no pressure or insecurity either, no negatives. My relationship with God after the borg is the root of the love that keeps me full. My happiness is not dependant on what my beloved does or does not do. Though it would be cool if he picked up his underware. I just make little underware towers on his side of the bed... and dirty sock mountains...and his chair is filled with dirty clothes....let me read that service love thing again....

  • mrsjones5

    I have that book! For me it's 2 and 4 and for my husband it's 5. Yep I get chased around and turned on when he does the dishes. Josie

  • Sparkplug

    Hi Sparky

    Chapman says that if a person has a hard time identifying the main love languages, they've either been on empty for so long and are out of touch with their needs. For good or bad, my daughter is filling my maternal love tank right now.

    Serendipity- Actually I was just being silly. I am a bit disgruntled at love right now, but I am a person who is very in tune with what makes me tick. I know what I expect and I know what I have settled for in the past.

    Getting what you want and need are both very hard things to accomplish once you are aware of your needs. Especially if you are very picky. Because you usually cut out a lot of wasted time trying out people who cannot even begin to make a dent on what it takes to "fill the tank." Thus avoiding a lot of drama.

    It does suck also when you know your needs and wants and other people do not know what they want. OR they become all that you need, just because they want the situation so badly. Some people are really good at lying and will do it in order to attain what they want, without any regard for what you need.

  • Nosferatu

    I think this book sounds like a pile of crap, but that's just me.

  • Frannie Banannie
    Frannie Banannie

    I'm a 2 & 4, with #1 playing a close 3rd.

  • reneeisorym

    Quality time and Physical Touch and Acts of Service I have to tell my husband that I need more physical touch sometimes and I have to tell him I need some quality time but I never have to ask him to do "acts of service." This is interesting to me because I'm thinking of my parents. My dad used to say that he showed my mom he loved her (acts of service) so he shouldn't have to tell her. Mom needed to be told.

  • helncon

    This is a great book!!!!!

    I used to have it but gave to my brother for a wedding present and now wished i had it again for my parents and i even tried to explain it to my dad too... but thats another story.

    Its so true on how you need your love tank full so that you are happy and satisfied.

    We all have different ways it can get kept full and if you both know what keep them full you have a great relationship.

    For me its when things get done like the the house is kept clean but i also like quality time too.

    I can highly recommend if anyone is having marriage troubles to read it together.

    Though it is also bible based too.



    2 - 3 - 5 must haves

    1 - 4 added bonus

  • blueviceroy




    in that order my wife speaks in gifts and services

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