Not sure where to go from here

by sickofhurting 26 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  FreedomFrog

  I've come to realize that children are much smarter than many give them credit. The chances of them becoming a JW are very low since you are behind the scenes showing them the truth about the organization. Dave (AA) and I had these concerns too when we first came out. We were putting down rules and saying to my parents what the could or could not say. But, it wasn't working out. JW's are in the "saving" mode and feel like they need to save everyone...including their grandkids. But after thinking about it, Dave and I realized that we have them 99% of the time. So when they get to grandma's house, if she wants to try to teach about the "paradise"...that's fine. And if grandpa wants to pray to there god Jehovah, that's fine also. Because we can then show our kids the hidden truths about the org.

  As far as becoming Atheist...or into other religion. IMHO, let them explore. If you start "forcing" them your religion...or any religions, they'll only rebel and become what you might not want them to just to spite you.
• 

  Legolas

  Welcome to the board!
• 

  Dismembered

  Welcome to the board Sickofhurting. Come back often, you'll learn alot here, and find that many mirror your situation.

  Dismembered
• 

  Cellist

  Hi Sick of Hurting. Welcome to the board.

  Cellist
• 

  A Paduan

  maybe you guys can help me figure out what to do with my extremly messed up family

  Leave
• 

  Toronto_Guy

  I respectfully disagree with the idea of forcefully keeping your children away from the KH and JW's. Rather, encourage them to do research. Talk to them about why you know JW's are wrong. At 12 and 14, they are becoming old enough to figure these things out. Give them the information they need, encourage them to question and examine, and I'm sure you'll find that they will stay away of their own accord.

  Toronto_guy
• 

  jgnat

  Both your parents are screwed up. I'd read the riot act to them. But include your children, because they are old enough to participate in what happens to them. I bet you feel like a puppet on a string a lot of the time, and you don't want to pass that heritage on to your children. Here's how to do it.

  • Sit your children down and do a little brainstorming. Use a big sheet of newsprint and write down some things they LOVE about grandma and grandpa. Next, have them tell you the behaviour they WISH THEIR GRANDPARENTS WOULD STOP. Write it all down.
  • Then say, "Guess what? We have the power to stop it. What are some of the things we can do if mom or pop start acting up? You might prime the pump by saying, "leave early", "restrict visits", "Tell them, "stop grandma or I'll have to hang up" and so on.
  • If (as I suspect it will be) RELIGION goes on the yukky list, suggest that your little family make a little pact that this is a NON DISCUSSABLE SUBJECT.
  • You may write out a small family charter of rights and freedoms from your discussion. You may have to break the brainstorm session over two or three evenings to get this all done.
  • If I am right about your teens, they will love this kind of exercise. It gives them power over their lives.
  • Then, strategize how you are going to break the new rules to grandma and grandpa. This is where you can step up to the plate and be the hero. But let the kids tell you if they want to be along or not.
  • Break the new rules to grandma and grandpa.
  • Expect histrionics and ancient manipulative techniques from your parents to try and guilt you in to old behavior patterns. Stick to your guns. You have rights too. If they get abusive or dismiss your concerns, walk away.
  • You could restrict right up to a yearly obligatory visit if they get stupid. Hopefully these grandparents are not that stupid. I bet you have WONDERFUL children.
  • And, after a few weeks of moaning, I bet mom and pop will start behaving better.