Not sure where to go from here

by sickofhurting 26 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Think

    I feel sorry for your messed up life, but we all have our shares too. The problem is, that they misleaded us into believing that the borg is holy, what as we know now is sick and perverted, not holy. This is Satanic Cult, that is why we been battered with so many problems. Stay away from the Occult, don't take any more of their poisonus food ( by the way, the proper food look very nice & healthy in the mags, but don't be fooled ), and start searching for the truth. Truth is everywhere, just you have to pay attention, and sort the truth from the lies. GOD IS TRUTH. God is love.

    The sick JW Cult messed everybody mind and faith so much, that is not easy to believe in God and the truth. I know, i was crying, and I was loosing faith in everything, i was loosing desire to live at all.

    It took a lot of praying and searching, to be on my own feet again.

    Don't give up, God will guide you if you as him.

  • purplesofa

    At the ripe old age of 32 I have came to the realization that religion is nothing more than what people need at that point and time in their life. Everyone needs different things, thats why I think there are so many religions.

    That is an excellent point

    I agree.


  • GoingGoingGone

    Welcome to the forum sickofhurting!

    Everyone seems so assured of their beliefs here. I hope to get to that point some time in my life, along with growing a spine when it comes to my family.

    I don't think everyone here is so sure of their beliefs! LOL! Guess we put on a good show, huh?

    I've decided that my life is a journey, and I'm in charge. I'm not letting anyone tell me what I believe anymore. That applies to religion, my conscience, my kids, my marriage, everything.

    When it comes to your kids, you say you know that you don't want them exposed to the JW upbringing you had. That's good! So, keep them away from JWs and by all means, keep them out of the KH! As far as respecting your elders - there is a difference between being respectful, and being a doormat.

    Stick around, there are lots of wise people here (um, I'm not one of them, though... ) Enjoy!


  • sickofhurting

    thanks GGG, I love this

    " I've decided that my life is a journey, and I'm in charge. I'm not letting anyone tell me what I believe anymore. That applies to religion, my conscience, my kids, my marriage, everything."

  • AlmostAtheist

    >>I have to sit back and laugh sometimes at the level of disfunction my family covers to "save the family name" within the hall.

    Practically every JW family plays this silly game. They all think that everybody else has that perfect little JW family that the Watchtower portrays and heaven forbid anyone find out how screwed up OUR family is! The JW culture promotes this sort of two-facedness, and it is extremely demeaning and destructive to the self.

    It does sound like you have alot of contact with your family. Is it necessary? Could you pull back a bit from them?

    How do your kids feel about religion? I'm an atheist, my wife is a pagan. (Eclectic, leaning heavily towards shamanism) My 7-year-old son feels that Mom's got the right idea, so he basically believes whatever she does. That's quite a task, since her beliefs are very fluid! But he tries to keep up.

    As long as a religion isn't destructive and doesn't pinch off opportunities for their future, I have no problem with my children getting involved in it. If they start preaching against college, suggesting they reject decent medical care, or convince them the end is "just around the corner" so there's no need to save for retirement, then that's another story. If your kids are seeking out their own paths, that's good. While I wouldn't necessarily try to keep them away from JW's, I WOULD work hard to make sure they understand why you think JW's are wrong. Ignorance could easily lead to their becoming JW's later, but knowledge will protect them forever.

    Good luck, and please hang around! Lots to learn here!



  • sickofhurting

    I do spend a lot of time with my dads family. My grandpa, who had a huge hand in raising me passed away in November. I have watched my family crumble. My oldest son got a huge reality check when grandpa died and his so called witness friends didnt come around for almost 3 months. Believe it or not, I am usually the strong one in the family. I am very outspoken and handle a lot of the non religious issues in the family. I am with you when it comes to my kids and religion. My oldest son plays tons of sports and wasnt going to play because he didnt want to let his grandpa down. I had a very long talk with my dad about this and finally he told me he saw nothing wrong with my son playing, I made him tell my son this. My daughter goes to 3 different churches and is involved in every school activity she can be. My other 2 boys are interested in friends, my youngest is only 8 and has CP, he believes god and Santa are the same person. When religion affects my kids, I put my foot down. I feel like I spend so much time talking to these guys about whats ok and not. When it comes to religion I get sick of this conversation. I will always do this for them because it was never ok for me to question dads religion, but I hope they see through the JWs the way I did.

  • Chimene

    remember one thing that your kids are just that"kids" and they need to be protected at all times and you as the parent are there need to help them to make the choice as to what religon they want to fallow but it will be there decision in the long run....just remember that they are your children and no one can giude them the way that you can.... there is no greater love than that of a parent to a child.....

  • Scully
    My mom says what she wants no matter what I say. My dad is pretty much the same way and I am torn all the time. How would you deal with these "great" people. My only goal is to protect my kids from the hell I lived with growing up JW.

    I guess you've never heard of this neat thing you can get called a Restraining Order....

    Seriously, though, your kids do not need to be around people who do not respect them enough to not fight with you or each other in front of them. The problem with a lot of adult kids of abusive JWs is that they sometimes blame the belief system for the abuse that they had to deal with growing up. While the belief system is culpable for facilitating that mindset in many instances, I suspect that even without the JW influence there would have been abuse issues in your family anyway. It seems that a lot of abusers gravitate toward belief systems that reinforce their abusive nature and facilitate its expression. There's nothing an abuser enjoys more than having a scriptural reference that gives him or her "God's backing" for what they are doing to their spouse/kids.

    You'd be doing your kids - and yourself!! - a huge favor by taking a long break from interacting with your parents. What they need is parents who look out for their best interests, not ones who put them in the middle of a train wreck. Check with your workplace to see if you qualify for some counselling for yourself and your kids and your spouse too, lots of companies offer Employee Assistance Programs for just this kind of thing. Even just a few hours for each of you would certainly be worth investigating. In the meantime, you can check out books like "Toxic Parents" and "Toxic People" and "Emotional Blackmail" from the library, so you can see the kinds of things that are happening in your interactions with your parents, and learn different ways to deal with them before you begin interacting with them again.

    I hope things get better for you really soon.

  • AlmostAtheist

    >I feel like I spend so much time talking to these guys about whats ok and not.

    Pagans say simply, "Harm none". (Makes their Bible alot easier to read!) Really, if you carry that around with you, what could go wrong? Don't shun anybody, don't call anybody your "friend" just because he goes to your church, don't refuse reasonable medical care, don't limit your future possibilities. It's all covered by "harm none", so long as you remember that YOU are one of the none to be harmed.

    >>I will always do this for them because it was never ok for me to question dads religion, but I hope they see through the JWs the way I did.

    That's beautiful, make them think. I would only reemphasize the need to specifically spell out the errors in the JW religion. JW's have been around for well over a century, they know their shtick. They know all the illustrations, all the "proof texts", everything it takes to make people believe they have "The Truth". It will take effort on your part to immunize them against that skilled convert-making machine. Tell them about the failed prophecies (1874, 1914, 1925, 1975, 2000), explain the Mexico/Malawi scandal, show them the misquotes of sources in the Watchtower publications. PROVE they're wrong, or they'll "prove" they're right.

    Lot's of great info at this site:


  • stopthepain

    I am glad to hear you don't want your kids around that weird influence.My parents stopped the control when I TOOK control of my life.Be confident in your choices.Don't even ask there opinion.All that matters is you love your kids.Good luck.

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