Jw men in relationships with "worldly women" take notice.

by jojochan 38 Replies latest social relationships

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  Lady Lee

  I've been thinking about this for the last few days so I'm so glad someone who has "been there" posted. Your words will have far more punch than I would have had.

  I see all these posts from people who come here to say "I'm dating a JW." It is so crazy making. Some JWs want the double life. Some convince themselves they can convert him or her or that they can go back once they are married even if the spouse doesn't join.

  JWs who go outside of the cong are NOT showing love for the person they are hiding in the background. We read the stories here, the heartache, the never really understanding what this "religion"/cult is all about. It is just plain cruel.

  There are other families who traditionally marry only people of the same faith. JWs aren't alone in this. But living with one foot in a cult and one foot out is unfair and unloving.

  I really admire those UBMs who stick it out - all the crap this cult piles onto the JW, never being accepted by the family or JW friends. It sucks.

  Thanks for posting this
• 

  Super_Becka

  My boyfriend is a stubborn yet inactive and unbaptized JW, and he's never hesitated to introduce me to his JW family, he was actually really eager for me to meet them (probably because he's 28 years old and I'm the first girlfriend he's ever had). They're very nice people, very warm and welcoming, and not once did they treat me like an outsider because I'm not a JW. His sister lives in Hawaii and I haven't had a chance to meet her yet, but she's quite excited about me and she's been begging my boyfriend to take me to Hawaii to meet her and her husband (husband #2 for her, and he's a non-JW), which he promised to do this summer. My boyfriend knows that I'll never convert and become a JW, but he doesn't have a problem with that, we're just going to have to compromise a lot.

  What really got me was the notion of going to the KH with him. I offered to go if he ever wanted to (note: I didn't suggest that we go together, I just mentioned that I would go with him if he ever wanted to, but he rarely goes, once a year maybe), and he's OK with the idea, but he made it clear that if we ever go together, then I can't let anyone know that we're dating and that I'm staying with him (it's a long-distance thing, so if I was there to go with him, I'd have to be staying with him, too), and we couldn't behave like a couple. Why not?? Because the people there wouldn't approve of that. Ooo, can we say "double-life"??

  He loves me, I have no doubt of that, and he wasn't afraid at all of bringing me to meet his family, but he seems really concerned about what his congregation would think of our relationship, despite the fact that he can count on one hand how many times he's been there in the past few years and isn't active at all. His family isn't a concern, they're all inactive and nominal like he is, but the opinions of active JWs and the elders seems to be really important to him.

  Ugh, I'll never understand JWs, I just won't. Makes me incredible glad that I've never been one and will never be one.

  -Becka (of the "JWs are too complicated" class) :)
• 

  serendipity

  Becka,

  Perhaps the secrecy is due to fear. If the elders in his cong. know he is dating a nonJW, they may ask him nosy questions about your relationship, including how physical it has become. He could get df'd for that.
• 

  Super_Becka

  Becka,

  Perhaps the secrecy is due to fear. If the elders in his cong. know he is dating a nonJW, they may ask him nosy questions about your relationship, including how physical it has become. He could get df'd for that.

  I can see where the fear aspect would come in, after all, the WTS is all about scaring its members into obedience, but how can they disfellowship him if he's never been baptized?? And if he was that scared, he'd be a good little JW and stay away from "heathen" like me, but he's definitely not a "good" JW, he's actually really bad at it.

  -Becka :)
• 

  lola28

  Hey Becka, your BF was never baptized so he can't be DFed.

  lola
• 

  serendipity

  Ok - I missed the fact that he's not baptized He can't get df'd. But he could get marked, and then get shunned. It can still cause problems.
• 

  Super_Becka

  But he could get marked, and then get shunned. It can still cause problems.

  That could be a bad thing, but he doesn't go to the KH often enough for anyone there to know him anyway and he doesn't have any JW friends, and his family wouldn't shun him because they're all just as bad as he is for the most part anyway. If they didn't shun his sister for having two children out of wedlock by two different men, then they're not gonna shun him for dating me.

  I think he's just afraid of "looking bad" in front of his congregation - in a lot of ways, he's just like a kid or a teenager, just looking for love and approval.

  -Becka :)
• 

  jojochan

  But he could get marked, and then get shunned. It can still cause problems.

  As long as he has an understanding family, and wonderful woman by his side....It really does'nt matter. If I was him I would be on cloud nine right now, which I bet he already is. I evny that, I'm happy for you both.

  I felt the urge to post that becausethe OTHER side is what you don't hear about. The selfishness in just trying to convert that person is just wrong in my eyes, also in just hanging that person on a string in their hopes that one day that dub will bring then into their circle. Which I had failed to do so in my past before I my first marriage. It's even worse now that I'm inactive and fading I have issues and I realize that deep down I have to move away from all of this. And start fresh. Until then I can't be in a "normal" relationship even though I admitted to my folks that I will NEVER marry a dub EVER again. To that they said "I don't blame you not one bit."

  That shocked me, and took a load off my mind. The response that I was looking for and hoped for arrived. But what's still there and serves as a slight "prick" to my mind is the whole,"marry only in the lord" thing. Unlearning the whole w.t dogma is sucky to go through, and I don't know if I could drag another woman through that bullshit like I did before....that person did'nt deserve that at all. It takes patience and understandinjg on her part as well. I give props to the women that love their men enough to stay by their side when it comes to their religion. That in turn gave the men the strength to bring you into their circle. What's cool is that you understand one huge important thing....that he loves YOU. And does'nt love you less by taking the time to reveal you to his folks. I would love to have that kind of woman in my life...I wish I could have that.

  Lady lee....you're welcome.

  jojochan.
• 

  jojochan

  I think he's just afraid of "looking bad" in front of his congregation - in a lot of ways, he's just like a kid or a teenager, just looking for love and approval.

  You have a sister?, nah just kidding, lol!

  jojochan.
• 

  Super_Becka

  You have a sister?

  Sorry, jojochan, no sisters here, but I do have two brothers.

  But if this helps...

  *bestows lots of love and approval on jojochan*

  Feel better now??

  -Becka :)